Crappy Childhood Fairy - Emotional Regulation video

[treesgrowslowly]

Hello all,

I wanted to post this video here as it relates to a discussion topic from the "working on us" area of the forum.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lZ2xTpNiqE

I have learned to practice these things, and especially the writing to get emotions off my chest and onto paper. That helps me to get all of the thoughts onto paper, so that I can feel "heard".

I can really relate to what she says in this video about working on the emotions that come from "being ignored as a kid" (as she says in the video).

And when she talks about the fantasy, that if we tell people how we feel, they will respond with a lot of nurturing and kindness, she really nails it when she explains that most adults are not really going to respond to us in those ways, even if it is what we need. Our deeply held emotions - tied to fears and anxieties, can overwhelm other people.

I think she makes a good point there about why we might not get the responses we wish we got from people when we are emotional. I can count on one hand, the healthy emotional coping skills I saw growing up. It is up to me now to lean in to learn and practice this stuff, so that I can trust my emotional self more often. I think a lot of us can relate to that journey and hard work.

It is a fairly long video (20 minutes). If anyone watches, would love to know what you think!

Trees

[notrightinthehead]

I am a big fan of her.  I find her videos very helpful.
This is the technique demonstrated

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgNcleF-sDk

[bee well]

Great resources, trees. Thank you. There are so many important points here.

You wrote:

"I think she makes a good point there about why we might not get the responses we wish we got from people when we are emotional. I can count on one hand, the healthy emotional coping skills I saw growing up. It is up to me now to lean in to learn and practice this stuff, so that I can trust my emotional self more often. I think a lot of us can relate to that journey and hard work."

I certainly can relate.

And learning to self-sooth is definitely hard work.  I don't think most people even know it's a thing. That's why so many of us get caught up in maladaptive coping mechanisms.

The idea of a pause before communicating, and not hurrying also resonates. That and recognizing the physical signs of when it's time to dial down, and using the tactile to "get back into the body." A sense of urgency is definitely a double warning sign.

We might not always get it right every time, but I think just being mindful of when dysregulation happens and catching ourselves so we can back up  is a large sign of progress.

[treesgrowslowly]

Thanks for the posts!

notrightinthehead, thanks for sharing that link as well. I find her suggested techniques are helpful! Glad you do too.

bee well, so true. I have had to learn 'the hard way' about this whole topic. Like, I guess that people with a different background might get through life without really learning how to self-soothe, and for me, that wasn't an option (I have to learn these skills, to recover).

Always great to be sharing thoughts and resources on what helps!

Trees

[sunshine702]

Wow this was awesome practical advice for conflict with my spouse.  Things that we really need to work on. Thank you.!!

[moglow]

I've seen several references to this and finally giving it a listen. WOW!! Great stuff and so glad y'all are sharing!