Interrupting....

[blew]

We were at a restaurant this morning.  For one moment I interrupted her and said, "Let me finish."  This is a person who talks continually and interrupts me (and others) ALL the time.  I gave up trying years ago, but for this one brief moment, I tried again.  I did not say this in anger.  She immediately jumped on me and said I was the one who interrupts all the time and how rude it is and how I must do this at work, too.  The sheer degree to which PDs cling to their pathology is amazing to me.  Not a moment can go by when they aren't driven by it.  A simple, "Sure, go ahead," would have been what a normal person might say, but not so my OCPD SO.

[Boat Babe]

Pathology. That's the key. That's why they can't change. Tragic for the people who love them and tragic for themselves. It's a cancer of the soul.

[losingmyself]

You know how when you're having a conversation with a 'normal' person, and you start saying something at the same time, and one of you says "Go ahead"
THAT is interrupting in my H's eyes. So, then he'll stop talking and pout.
We sometimes forget, and don't run our every word through the filter. It sucks.
And, no, it'll never change.
He interrupts me all the time. Most times with a different subject, pointing out the fact that what I was saying wasn't worth listening to.
Then they want to know why we're so quiet. Or crabby.

[blew]

Then they want to know why we're so quiet. Or crabby.

Bingo!  They simple don't see it.  Their brains can't comprehend.  It just exhausts me day in and day out.  And yes, it's always
my fault in some way. She constantly asks me why I'm cranky.  I try my best to do adopt a neutral mien, but she goes for the
jugular every time.

Just ten minutes ago I got a call where she went on for 20 minutes about a client.  The person had not asked for anything
outrageous.  I fixed the issue in a few minutes.  But she NEEDED to shout in my ear and rail about how stupid this person is.
Granted.  Many clients we deal with are amateurs, but's that's the nature of the beast.  It goes with the territory.  After she stopped
working full time some years ago, I realized she could never survive again at any workplace, because I have tons of similar issues
that arise every day.  Meanwhile, I am already dreading going home and hearing (all over) about this client.  And it won't end there.
It'll go on for a week or two, until another issue rises to the top and the loop repeats itself...

[Xyz]

I so relate to this thread.  Thank you to each of you who posted.

PD constantly interrupts me.  He never notices that I haven't finished what I started to say.  He essentially talks to himself; he has no interest in my thoughts or feelings.  He also frequently says "stop talking over me!" or "don't talk over me!" when I reply to him.  He has recently started telling me to stop talking.  Earlier this month he made me write down on a note to myself "keep your answers short."

[SonofThunder]

I love this quote from Dr. T (Shrink4Men): Narcissists live on a one-way street paved with double standards.

Yessir!

SoT

[11JB68]

XYZ you commented "Earlier this month he made me write down on a note to myself "keep your answers short."
This really struck me as updh has done that same kind of thing to me at times.... so creepy.  So sorry you were subjected to that.

[Xyz]

Thank you, 11JB68.  I am sorry this kind of thing has happened to you. 

[1footouttadefog]

My odh seldom shares any new information.  Everything is a prepared speech or story.  Any non story banter is just a Segway into one of his prepared stories.  Once he starts one he cannot stop in the middle.  No one can add or redirect the story or speech with a question.  So even if someone is generally I treated he cannot accept that and go with the flow of the conversation.  He will keep trying to redirect back to his prepared story.

It's so tiring and he is always feeling like he is being interuoted and accusing others of I thrusting him. 

To make it worse some folks have already heard said stories and will try to redirect by still talking about the same general topic but taking it in a direction and he will resist making it all real awkward for all involved.

[Empie2204]

When a PD interrupts someone´s talking, in his/her mind this is not interrupting: it is the God-given right of priority.
When we openly say: "Don't you think that it would be fair if I reply?" they might say "OK, say it." and after 2 or 3 seconds their flood continues.

[rockandhardplace]

We don't even talk anymore but now I noticed more how  he does it to other people. When he chats to his parents he's always saying yeah yeah ugh ugh trying to butt in so he can talk again, he doesn't listen to anything they say. They are all so dysfunctional though. For years I didn't even pick up on UPDh personality issues as I thought it was just their weird way with each other. His mum talks constantly but when her dad wants to say something she goes quiet. She just waits for him to finish and she starts up again. She's learnt "her place". Once he shushed her in front of all of us, so his son, me, grandkids and she just got flustered and tried to explain herself. They have no boundaries either. Used to come to our house - visiting from another country - and paint the walls even when I said no thanks.

The other night he raged and I took out my phone to record. First little video he rants and then I say can I speak. I get in about 2 words, he butts in, I repeat myself can I speak now, he says sure, I get out one sentence and he says boring and walks away. Came back out a few minutes later to start up again. This time I get even less chance to speak eventhough I'm recording again. But I notice not only am I not allowed to talk but he asks questions on top of questions and I never get to answer. "do you really think"....Then when I go to speak he walks away. I point out I didn't interrupt him so I should get a chance to speak and he tries to blame it on me filming him!! yeah right. Happy to rant on to me with crazy criticisms including calling me a sociopath, but he can't listen because I'm filming him.
This is basically almost every conversation for years, hence we don't speak. I want to walk away from him but then he will rant outside my room and my kids hear everything. And they don't understand that it's emotional / verbal abuse they just hear dad critiquing mum. My 8 year old will say to me dad is being very mean but she'll also wonder about what he's saying. And I also don't know why I have to be the one having to leave the communal area as this has happened for so long that the kids see him as the all powerful man of the house. I was thinking today maybe I will start playing really loud music instead of walking away or trying to record him. Might start a new thread for that idea...

[losingmyself]

I noticed the other day that H did this to his F. Just interrupted with something unrelated to what he was talking about. I thought it was funny, as FIL isn't a very patient man. FIL just looked frustrated. I thought "Hey, you raised him"

[Empie2204]

I am sorry if I am a bit off-topic or at least sideways but I have noticed that interrupting has become a sort of pandemic. 
I have experienced it everywhere. I thought a lot about the reasons: maybe because I (and people like me) give the impression of being harmless and tame, so the aggressive ones judge "she will not resist" and just cut the conversation.
Sometimes I mind, sometimes I don´t. I think it´s good to choose our battles. In practice: sometimes I just continue talking or even tell them to wait. When someone is extremely stubborn I say "thank you for interrupting me". In other cases, I just decide to finish my conversation later.

Anyway, it´s not easy with them. Even if we use some defense mechanisms, this is not natural for us "softies."

[FiveForFighting]

I can and do completely relate to this post. I will admit, i can be a bit quick to add to a conversation while in the flow of the back and forth but over the years, I have monitored that an no longer do that when speaking to my uNPDw. It has come to the point now where, I cannot even acknowledge a comment or point while talking. For example, a simple uh huh, ok or really.. will shut her down and she'll quickly terminate the discussion or flame me with the whole "Are you even going to let me finish talking" routine. There is no dialogue in my house. Monologue only. YOU will not respond until I am finished talking... and not to mention the excruciatingly analysis of trying to determine if she's done with her thought or if she's just pausing... kind of like she's inviting you to your death.

[losingmyself]

Also, heaven forbid if you don't understand something halfway through this monologue. Even putting up my finger, like I'm raising my hand in class is considered interrupting.