How bad they need "supply"

[p123]

Learn something new every day.....

If anyones read my other posts made a bit of a breakthrough this week. The last FM finally had enough and wants Dad to leave him alone.
Fair enough - Dad has treated him so badly.

Long line of people in Dads wake now who don't bother with him. Not that he sees this.

Anyway this is Dads cousin, He latched onto him after I started to lay boundaries. Hes 3 year younger than Dad only but Dad treats him like his carer.

After last weeks, 2nd unnecessary A&E visit in 2 weeks. (he phones cousin to drive him then its a 5-6 hour wait) cousin had enough. I thought then would be a good time to give cousin the full info (i.e. Dad doesnt take his medication, doesn't listen to doctor, do please stop taking him to hospital).

Anyway, I had a word with Dad. I was quite blunt. I told him his cousin was burnt out, felt ill, and he really needed to stop a bit because it would be shame to fall out. Yes said Dad.

So fast forward to yesterday. I tested postive for Covid. Can't visit Dad as planned. He was not happy and started the old "woe is me". I told him I'd sort delivery of groceries but he said he'd call his cousin. I told him no way and to remember the conversation.

I did txt his cousin to warn him. Got a reply later. It seems 30 mins after I called Dad he called his cousin asking him to perform all sort of taks for him.

Wow. Its unreal. Its as if Dad can't live unless hes got "someone" on the hook to get his supply from. He know the score with cousin but still he needs are more important.

Glad to say for the the first time ever cousin said NO to Dad. Good news..... Its going to be like aversion therapy for Dad because theres no-one left now.

[justducky]

Your father sounds exhausting. It's good that you see his behaviors and manipulations so clearly.

If I may be so bold, there's no need for you to get involved in your cousin's and your father's relationship. It's up to your cousin to limit what he will and won't do for your father. Your father will keep doing what he's always done: be a waif in order to get attention and not spend money. It's highly unlikely that he'll ever change.

I hope you feel better soon! I think you said elsewhere that you have a mild case of COVID. Best wishes for a quick and speedy recovery.

[NarcKiddo]

I agree with justducky.

The only person you can control is you. Having to deal with your father's shenanigans must be exhausting, but trying to manage his behaviour is impossible and trying to manage your cousin's behaviour is also impossible. I think you should try to give yourself a much-needed break and just let them get on with it. I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to be frank with your cousin if he asks why you are not doing xyz for your dad or if your cousin asks for your input on something. But unless your cousin has asked you to convey a message to your father (which you don't have to agree to) I think you might save yourself a lot of stress if you just let your father do/say whatever he wants. Because I think ultimately he will do/say whatever he wants regardless of any advice you have given on the subject.

I've found that part of doing grey rock involves being a grey rock and just letting it all wash over you, while you smile and nod and inwardly say "whatever".

Hope you feel better soon.

[p123]

Yeh know what you mean. For years I let cousin get on with it.....

Still used to hate the accusing texts and the passive aggressive guilt stuff.... I must admit I am pleased hes also seen through it.
I worry Im doing the right thing with Dad - so having another person see things the same way is validating for me.

Also, as you say, Dad does what he wants. He's run out of people now. Maybe now he will have to change his ways. For that, Im glad because hes had too many crutches which have allowed his to continue treating people like crap.