My Lawyer finally gets my unNPD-STBX and my overly confident GC skills

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

 This forum has been so helpful....can't list them all, but today I was thinking.....

I have definitely been working on "not labelling" my STBX but focusing on "describing the behaviors" and my own experiences.
My STBX has been working on creating a lot of chaos and conflict with the divorce.  As I am getting stronger and quicker to utilize my strategies, he has been amping up and my lawyer is falling for it.  She was beginning to expect me to answer to every claim and red herring he throws at us.  I have kept to my mantra - he is enjoying the chaos - let it simmer and die down - and he'll move on.  And, it's mainly true.  As we have sold our house, and I requested through probate court to change my name (hearing today -  , and in two weeks I can start changing my name), I can wait for him to explode.  And he will.   The judge for our pre-trial, does seem to see what he's up to, and she made many recommendations in my favor.  So, my STBX is really getting agitated.  For the past week, he has been throwing anything at me and I'm handling it pretty well.

I have worked on my own anxiety and anger about how he'll get money from our divorce (giving money to my abuser just sickens me).   I've been able to start letting go - even down to the ridiculous amount of money I'll spend on my lawyer - letting it go.

So, my overconfidence got to me today.  Within minutes, I let myself get sucked into a "text fight" - I started to defend myself - explain my actions, try to reason,.....WOW. Old habits just snuck up at me.  And, it truly does give him some energy and fuel for the next round of his attempts at starting some chaos.  3 steps forward...2 steps back.  It's the journey....  Isn't it amazing how in 45 seconds, really just 45 seconds, they can attack all aspects of your life?  It's crazy and the thoughts/attacks aren't even related to one another or make sense! It just makes sense to them.  I usually don't respond or throw out a casual , ok.  I also think, how sad that a year ago these rants paralyzed me...to my very core.  I would shut down for days...weeks.  So sad....but not any more.

To those reading this that are at the start of their journey- go for it.  I am enjoying all the small things.  I actually made a new friend and my unNPD spouse can't ruin it!!  It feels great! I can hang up a picture in my bedroom with one next to it, that  doesn't match and I don't have to explain myself - YES!  I can put on make up (don't do it very well) without being questioned why?  who are you going to see?   I can cook a dinner without, in his words, "suggestions".    I don't have to tip toe around my own home and I can parent our son, my way.  My son is more relaxed, he was getting daily headaches - not any more.  My STBX barely sees him, it's sad, but he makes no effort.  He expects our son to run to him, he wants the attention and to feel good, he doesn't care about being a father.  It's so obvious. 

It's worth every penny for my freedom....any my son's.  Every penny.....

[hhaw]

This forum has been so helpful....can't list them all, but today I was thinking.....

I have definitely been working on "not labelling" my STBX but focusing on "describing the behaviors" and my own experiences.
My STBX has been working on creating a lot of chaos and conflict with the divorce.  As I am getting stronger and quicker to utilize my strategies, he has been amping up and my lawyer is falling for it.  She was beginning to expect me to answer to every claim and red herring he throws at us.  I have kept to my mantra - he is enjoying the chaos - let it simmer and die down - and he'll move on.  And, it's mainly true. 

It's worth every penny for my freedom....any my son's.  Every penny.....

Hear! Hear! Plantflowersnotweeds!  YES!

Distance, tsunamis of self compassion, releasing expectation and embracing radical acceptance will set you free.

That, and divorcing a PD, IME.

Hopefully, your attorney catches on soon.  It's dreadful when your own counsel keeps falling for the PD tactics.  Eventually they cantch on, IME.

Hang in there..... maybe stbx's disinterest in parenting will be a blessing in the end. 

You're a good parent and all it takes is one good enough parent, PFNW.

Keep heading to the exit door.  Forgive yourself when old patterns pop up.... it takes a while to form new ones.  You're working on it...... maybe judge less, rest in curiosity more...... rest when you need to and do it without making a deal about what you'll accomplish IF you allow yourself to rest. 

Just rest and make time to really look your son in the eye and be present with him.

Doing what you can about the divorce, then putting the story on the shelf and seeking your joy is how you win, IME.