Anhedonia?

[Happiness_3]

Hello all. I hope everyone's doing better. Sorry for not updating in a while. I am trying to adjust to my environment where the xPD hurt me. I changed the room a bit, it's also helpful that all of his things are gone. I am trying to prepare for upcoming exams and trying to not focus on him, but it's really difficult to study and appear for the exams. Showing up to class and doing regular things feel like chores. But the one thing that I have the most difficult time with is feeling anhedonic. I feel no real emotion, not much appetite or passion for anything at all. At times I will feel the urge to meet him, just to feel something. Anything. How do you revive your interest in things after abuse? A romance movie or a quote will remind me of him, despite knowing he was never kind enough to be compared to them. I don't know who I'm missing, but I long for his company. His specific company. Other people are mere distractions. What do I do?

[1footouttadefog]

I would meditate on those things you desire about him and whether or not they are really about him or a false presentation of him. 

I think we sometimes build up a false person and are desiring those ideals and not so much the person themselves. 

A stupicld analogy:. I once had an amazing meal at a restaurant.  I cannot go back there easily if it's even still around.  I remember the simplest item on the otherwise complex meal were perfectly cooked french fries.  They really stood out because they contrasted with it.

I sometimes remember that day, the meal, the circumstances around it etc.  Fries will remind me of that meal.  I could settle for ordering fries and thinking about that meal while I ate them and it would likely bring back some of the brain chemistry and experience, while in reality I am settling for an order of fries from a fast food place. 

Or I could find a new amazing restaurant and discover a new amazing dish. 

I was a bit numb after waking up and had to intentionally take short times out to experience life again.  I would take small opportunities to stop and go into a shop or boutique just to see what was in there.  To see if anything soarked so I could get to know who I was.  It was not so much about buying as it was just looking and experiencing something.  I did the same with getting a lunch out at someplace new, or stopping in for a pastry or coffee or tee somewhere.  Just to see the decor see other people milling about and being social, to see the art on the wall and things like that.  I went to farmers markets and museums and  places like that just to see the world where it was working and people were happy. 

[pianissimo]

Out of curiosity, I took a look at Kati Morton's video about anhedonia. It seems like your urge to meet your ex might be a part of it. There are comments below video that may give some tips too.

Apparently, some people experience this for not an apparent reason too. I'm sorry you are going through it. I hope it gets better and you keep yourself safe while experiencing it. It seems like it has a medical aspect to it, so the ideal way would be to seek professional help, but I don't know if you have access to these services. I hope you can get all the help you need.