The Talking Bench!

[feralcat]

I just posted about having decided to give up on my T.

I've been thinking about where to go now, in my ongoing journey Out of the FOG. As it doesn't seem that digging into myself is a good idea for a while, I've decided I need to work on building healthier mental habits. To become a more assertive, social, me.

The pandemic  lockdowns , developing Long Covid , and retiring have all resulted in my becoming more isolated. Plus I've become uncertain re how to form 'normal' friendships. I often seem to end up feeling used and then I run away. I need to practice . Raise my self confidence. Too much stuff is still on zoom. It's hard to find your tribe.

Near to where I volunteer there  was a Talking Bench , on the sea front , during Covid. 'Sit here and have a chat' it said. Yesterday I went there. Drat ! The notice had gone. Nearly ran away, but I hung about and smiled ( in a hopefully non scary way ) . By the time I left I'd had conversations with 3 people . It was great ! I felt happier, they looked pleased. Chit chat. Nice weather etc.
I'll do it again. May even journal about it. Little episodes of positivity, in an uncertain world. Can't hurt.

[Amadahy]

What a great idea!  I've forgotten how to "people," if I ever really knew how, because I, too, often feel used and fade away.  I enjoy casual encounters, lots of acquaintances, you might say, and the bench is a great way to do that!  Yes, it is a happy, positive thing in an uncertain world.  Bravo! 

[bee well]

Hi feralcat and Amadhy,

I've just come over from your other post, feralcat, but wanted to comment here too.

I can relate to what you say about needing a break from digging. Lately I have been feeling I need time to integrate, and have more interaction. I don't know if I am ready to form new friendships, but some new acquantainces, like Amadhy talked about, would be an opening. (One thing I have noticed is that random, kind interactions in daily life are an antidote to isolation, and microinteractions, in any case, are good relational practice.)

I LOVE the idea of the Talking Bench- I hope you will keep it up and come back and, if you feel like it, let us know how it is going! 

[feralcat]

Thank you, both.
I'm determined to pursue these type of 'casual' encounters. During lockdown in particular I noticed that the highlights of my days were to have a brief chat with e.g. Supermarket cashiers. I'd never realised how much I get out of in person contacts . A smile, a friendly word, lit up my day.

It's one reason why I feel frustrated that so many of the groups I've looked at , to try to build a post Covid/retirement life, are still on Zoom. Whyyyy ??

The other bonus for me , re attempting these brief conversations, is that I don't know them. I can play act a new me, more outgoing , less held back by old baggage/ uncertain of how to be 'normal'. Fake it till i make it. If their red flags start to wave I can make my excuses.

Most people seem ok when you first meet them. I woke up this morning trying to remember a meme I had on my computer a few years back. John Ortberg, apparently.
Everybody's Normal - Until you get to know them.
So very true 

[bee well]

Laughing out loud at this:

"Most people seem ok when you first meet them. I woke up this morning trying to remember a meme I had on my computer a few years back. John Ortberg, apparently.
Everybody's Normal - Until you get to know them.
So very true  "

So very very true! That's just it! And zoom doesn't do it for me either. I prefer writing as we do here, or interacting in person.

[1footouttadefog]

When coming out of tue dog and feeling  shell shocked with all the reality and trying to come to terms with where I was in life and lost opportunities etc etc etc, I found that casual encounters were healing for me. 

I did some volunteer work and participated in some low key events where there was very low pressure low stakes opportunities to interact with others.  It was nice to see ordinary people interacting and being polite and no one was being picked on or targeted.