Nothing new, same old

[Lilyloo]

I couldn't  think of a title so that's what I came up with ..LOL

Its not easy for me to talk health. I have a great fear of being like my mother. 

She did another one of her me. me. me things showing how absolutely sick she is. Mentally sick!

I am waiting on blood work results for lyme or rocky mountain spotted fever.  Ticks have been horrible and I had 3 bites. One was that tiny deer tick so small you can barely see them.  I had the big red circle so had to get checked.

She sent this short thing. you ok?  I only said waiting blood work results.

Oh she goes "I'm waiting blood work results too"  It then went into all the possible ailments.  LOL it's magnesium and it may be low or arthritis    She had to tell me she is resting and don't worry. 

She loved trying to be the real sick one

[OutlawSally]

Ah, health one-uppmanship. It's not helpful is it? And it's really invalidating. Best of luck with your results. Tick bites are no joke and the waiting can be horrible.

When this happens to me, I always kick myself and think "silly me, I expected empathy" when I should have expected to be told a) how my ailment affects them or b) how they had something similar/are sicker than me or c) both. Although sometimes I get to be used for ✨drama✨ and my personal information shared without my consent to everyone they know.

Either way, none of its helpful to me, so I keep buttoned up now and share only with people who can actually empathize. It would be nice if your Mum could do that, but it doesn't sound like she has the capacity. You on the other hand are self-reflecting and aware, so you won't be like that. You're allowed to be worried, or feel anxious or see a doctor without being a hypochondriac.

[Lilyloo]

Thank you OutlawSally!   I think the same , maybe some empathy. Not happening. I wish she hadn't even ask, but I know it was because it gave her the chance to go on about herself.  I am sorry you go thru the same crap stuff.  Keeping buttoned up is the thing to do. I have blocked her after the other days me me me.

Thank you for saying I can see a doctor and not be a hypochondriac.  It truly did worry me, but I think I could never be like her.  I would never want to be a nasty person like she is.  She did not deserve children!  My brother is going through a terrible time with a disease. She confronted him the other day in a store with his friends around and said  " You damned kids!  I could be laying dead, you'd not care" He has myasthenia gravis and has a really scary bad time of it. and she does that!

[SunnyMeadow]

She discards your comment that you're waiting for results with ... she's waiting too! That sums up NPD in 1 short sentence. Mind boggling that she doesn't ask her daughter anything else but instead, jumps in with her own (imagined) medical issue. And she's resting, don't worry!!?? Oh honestly, what do you even say about that? 

You definitely don't sound like a hypochondriac. Just a smart woman trying to get to the bottom of a medical issue with testing. Her comment about her laying dead and you'd not care is over the top gross. It's 100% me, me, me.

I know a small part of you from posting with you Lilyloo, and there is no way you would ever be a nasty person like she is. I think once we see what our mothers are all about, we go way in the opposite direction so we aren't like them. It's what I did. Her ways repulsed me.

[Lilyloo]

Hi Sunny!    I am grateful for all the times you have helped!   Truly blessed

100% NPD!  Mind boggling is a perfect term.  I refuse to allow it again.  I think the day comes when we just realize we must take care of ourselves.  I used to think that was selfish, no more! 

I know your life was horrible with your mother.   I feel as you do, I'm repulsed, at their unloving, selfish ways.  I hope you are having peace now.   

Thank you Sunny!   

[Andeza]

Oh no not a tick bite! Disease ridden little they can all go be eaten by birds! I hope your results come back negative, because none of what they got is easy to get rid of. 

[Lilyloo]

I'm on meds. Powerful one.  Thank you  Andeza!  I hate ticks!!   

[sunshine702]

I rarely get any normal sympathy / empathy either.  So I like to turn it around in my head what if she had 3 tick bites and red swelling and was waiting for the results... oh that would be a neat death experience for her I am sure.  How she just barely survived.

Try to parent yourself.  They are useless.  What would you tell a good friend in your situation?  Say that over and over in your head.

[NarcKiddo]

Ugh. I hope you get clear results.

My mother is weird around health issues, too. Sometimes it's the one-upmanship approach, which she wheeled out recently when I had to have abdominal surgery. She couldn't top that but all manner of other ailments suddenly crept out of the woodwork and got talked about at every opportunity.

Another thing she loves doing is claiming that her suffering is worse than that of the actual ill person because, you know, she is a mother and worries about these things. I was pondering this the other day, actually, because I realised that I absolutely WILL NOT ask for help if I can possibly avoid it, and this stems from the awful reaction we got as children if we were ill or injured. Usually fury at causing her inconvenience followed by high martyrdom as she dealt with the hassle of looking after us.

And finally she will try to be involved in all minutiae and pours out all manner of advice on how we MUST deal with the illness. All of it bad advice - though the advice itself is not bad through malice as such, just wilful ignorance and a determination to be right without having bothered to do any research on what might actually be right.

Well, that has turned into a good old rant about my delightful mother! Sorry. But I know you understand.

[Lilyloo]

sunshine702, Thank you!  I am trying to do just that and parent myself. Good advice!   They are useless absolutely!!  I guess any person thinks first of their mothers to turn to, but in all of our situations here, we have no mothers!  My foolish thinking that maybe just once she would ask some questions or seem to care has caused me such stress.  She used my situation to talk about herself. 

[Lilyloo]

NarcKiddo, Thank you!   Im sorry that your mother could not care when you had abdominal surgery. I hope you are doing ok and had a quick recovery.   Its just so wrong and sad they have this driving need to top all other health issues. I've talked here about when my brother was dying of cancer she insisted on a wheelchair at the hospital while visiting him.  She didn't need a wheelchair. He was so hurt at her behavior.

As children we also were just a bother to her.  I'm sorry your mother did that too.  That stays a lifetime.  I think we keep all of that inside of us and as adults we still are very hurt.  I don't tell her anything.  Sadly it got on face book and she goes you ok in a private pm.   I even told her I was resting and trying to relax. Then the runaway train of her issues!   I figure why even ask me, only that it gave her the excuse to run with it.  Sly Foxes they are!!

I feel for everyone here and the hurts and stress.  Everyone is so helpful

[Lilyloo]

My test results confusing to me. First test reactive to lyme, positive, second test negative. Very confused.

[Andeza]

False negatives with Lyme's are extremely common as I understand. A hard talk with your doctor about moving forward cautiously is likely in order. There is a big bad, more accurate test, but I forget what it's called. You've got this, honey. If they threw you on the anti tick cocktail right away then finishing the course is, if I had to guess, in order. I hope you haven't been dealing with too many side affects

[Lilyloo]

Thanks Andeza!  Yes I think the meds will take care of it.  I ask the doctor about more tests. She said not needed.  I'm on second week of meds. No issues. Thank you for being so kind