to anyone who wants to read

[MiniME]

I knew something was wrong with both my parents for as long as I can remember and to be more precise from that 1st childhood memory when my mother was throwing objects from the dining table to my father because she was angry for whatever.  The reason is not important to a PPD individual, the fact that she would throw objects at him that could also hurt me as I was hiding (5years old) behind his legs looking for protection as the porcelain and glass was being shattered to pieces as it hit the wall behind me.  My father would just stand there, daring her to throw another object, not worried about me either.  Neither of them bothered about me caught in the middle.

That is the feeling I should have held onto during the rest of my childhood, teenage years and early adulthood instead of trying to help, fix or protect my mother from my father or alternatively trying to win my father's love and try to make him proud of me.

My father, the other parent, dealing with his own demons because of losing his father at the age of 16, feeling abandoned by his mother given the fact she remarried shortly after whereby he became unwelcome at home. In turn he fled to the army, where he had the pleasure of returning home from the battlefield with (without a doubt undiagnosed) PTSD which would lead to a lifetime of alcohol addiction and physical abuse of my mother.

What a couple, right?!

By the time I finally managed to leave, I was financially broke and felt broken. It was as if I had already lived for a 100 years and I was never going to manage to get my own life on track.

I am not going to lie: it was not easy – but I started focussing on "me, myself and I" – the fabulous trio.  My work became my safe place, my happy place, the place where I could be myself without consequences where people would appreciate me without having their own personal agenda. I started building up my own private and social life in a place far away from anybody who knew my family and it gave me freedom to become "me". I also managed to pay off my debts.

After another 2 decades, I finally understood the "illness" of both my parents that it was not me, but walking away and going no contact is never easy.  In addition, having my own first child just brought everything back, but makes me even more proud of what I have accomplished despite my parents.

My life and financial situation today are a testimony to the fact that there is a way out and that you can get passed this. I am left with my scars and they will never leave me, but I am managing them. Keep believing in yourself. Trust your instinct. Be kind to yourself. Stay focused on your own life and your own goals.

As the adds say: "because you are worth it" and "no" you do not really have to do anything special for it. The fact that you breath is enough reason to be entitled to your own life, to determine your own faith and to find self-fulfilment.

[Starboard Song]

It is not often that a Welcome Mat post is one of such strong achievement.

Welcome to Out of the FOG, and thank you for sharing success.

[Spring Butterfly]

Welcome and I celebrate your success. Thank you for sharing your reassurance with the community here.