Intro | My Path

[kale]

Hello All!

I have found this site again after some years of self discovery. I'm a bi-sexual, 43 year old dude from the midwest who lives in a off-grid bus conversion with his 13 year old daughter. We're currently in the upper midwest, but have rambled all over the country for the past two years.

My history. . .
sociopathic-narcissist, gaslighter, walls 1000' high, fight type father
flight type mother prone to depression, emotional manipulation, manic episodes, severe anxiety, perfectionist/OCD, fear and abandonment complexes

My wife and mother of my then 1 year old child was incapacitated (vegetative) by a lightning strike in 2010. Her loss was devastating enough, yet her parents willingly compounded this situation with denial, passive aggressiveness, defensiveness, bullying, narcissistic tendencies, manipulation, etc. . . all the shit my parents did.

Post lightning strike I was drowning with a support network that more closely resembled a burnt down house and moved away to create space, find some peace.

I'm here for a few reasons. . .
- I hope to support others on their path to getting all of this GawdDamnMotherFuckingShit out of their systems, lives, and being as well.
- Support learning how to allow myself to pursue what I want in life
- I need support relearning how to allow my feelings, my intellectual and intuitive understanding of these issues within myself is good and I need support embodying my feelings.
- I still have work to do with my *inner* and outer critics
- Overcoming co-dependency, enmeshment, FOG
- After doing a great deal of self-discovery work and digging down to the roots of my current and former mindset I realize that I need accountability.

My current journey to healing started with deep diving on PTSD and then cPTSD. I didn't want to look at this shit, let alone deal with it. Fortunately, I went into an amazing 5-PATH hypnotist that helped me work directly with my subconscious, bypassing conscious mind blockages. We worked through a great deal of my major issues from child and adulthood. There is still work to do, as there always will be, yet her kind, healing practice helped lift me out of hopelessness. In the 4+ years since we first started working together I have made major steps to change my life and challenge cPTSD/fear based misperceptions, have become an aspiring 5-PATH hypnosis practitioner, gotten Reiki certified, and found a discipline around self care that keeps me *mostly* stable.

Cannabis, psychedelics, integration, higher self, spirit guides, arch angels and transpersonal meditation have been a big part of my journey and I hope to find like minded souls here.

Thanks to all of the mods that keep this site running!

Best,
Kalewalker

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! You certainly have come a long way. Seems that at the moment you are not dealing with a PD in your life and that your struggle is more with the past.
I am so sorry about the loss of your wife. That must have been extremely traumatizing.
I think you might find this site informative and supportive. See you around on the boards.