Maybe Not Ready For Dating

[Kat54]

I've seen one person since I've been divorced going into my third year post divorce and he was a friend more than a boyfriend type of thing and very familiar with him so I felt safe and not nervous and he was very kind. It's fizzled out but we remain good friends... and he's my financial advisor.

I'm trying online dating and one gentleman is actually giving me anxiety. I haven't met him yet just spoke on the phone briefly about arranging a date for next week, but he's messaging me everyday! I'm having triggers of my ex who was very controlling and abusive so now I'm thinking maybe I'm not ready for this. A complete stranger is hovering. Is this a red flag I'm noticing right away? 

My pick in men has not had a good record so I'm trying to be very aware and looking out for warning signs, to run in the other direction.

[JustKeepTrying]

I feel ya!   It is so hard.  I am also three years out of the divorce (32 years marriage) and just started to dip my toes into the dating pool.  Here is what my therapist shared with me:

Try to get out of the house and go on a date.  Just a first date.
Listen to yourself.  If you back out because you are triggered then count that as a personal victory because you listened to yourself.  Over time, the more you listen the more confident you grow and the less you will be triggered.
A first date or coffee or whatever isn't forever. its just coffee.
And most importantly, you don't have to do it.

I found this helpful when I faced recently texted with a guy for two weeks; met for lunch and it was meeting with my ex in a different form.  SO many red flags.  But I sat back and thought, this is only lunch, not forever and I can sit here in beautiful weather at a fun place and enjoy afternoon.  And I did. and afterwards I told him I wasn't ready to date and block him.  No worries.

You got this.  When you are ready, you will know.  And the fact that you are aware means you got this.