The ups and downs of divorce

[Lauren17]

I wanted to share something that I've just realized 
I'm over a year into divorce proceedings with uCovertNarc. Looking back, I see that due to lawyer timelines and Covid caused court delays and the frustrations of divorcing a PD, there are lulls in the process. Sometimes they last weeks or even months. The lulls are followed by intense periods of lawyer phone calls and communications with ex and surprises of all sorts.
I'm in a lull right now and I'm using it to my benefit. I'm focusing on really healthy foods, rest, exercise, sleep, journaling, time with friends. I'm gathering my strength for the next (hopefully final) battle.
I hope that the rest of you can find a minute to breathe, see the lulls and use them to rest a little and recover.

[Stillirise]

 
You're so right.  I used the lulls to work on meditation, exercise, etc.  I found that I came out of the divorce looking and feeling better than I had in years!

While there will be hellish days, learning to manage those long lulls is also so important in moving toward a new PD-free future!  Best wishes to you!

[SonofThunder]

Great advise Lauren17,

Thank you for the encouragement to use upcoming lulls beneficially. 😀

SoT

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

Same here....it'll be a year in September.

I'm using my lull time to rest, play golf, shop, etc....

My craziness starts up again 8/18.  I'm able to go full NC and last time I saw him I was able to control my emotions really well. I was so proud of myself 

[hhaw]

Well done, PFNW.

Managing expectations and accepting what is...... releasing outcome helps SO much, IME.

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

So much can change in a few days - on 8/4 I was more positive, now I feel like I just can't take anymore

[hhaw]

And that's the process..... the ebb and flow of despair and recovery...... always coming and going.


I wish I'd learned how to calm my Nervous System in the middle of my divorce, but I didn't.  Maybe my Nervous System kept me alive.... really.  it might have.

Just know all things, good and bad, come to an end and your divorce will end.

Do what you can, then turn toward things that spark joy for you.  Worry worry worrying isn't a productive coping strategy, though it was the only one I knew till recently.

Doing what you can, then putting the PD story on the shelf does more good than harm, IME.  It's better.

[Kat54]

It definitely is a lot of ebb and flow. I did try and use that time to recharge myself for the next round. I think it actually made me more emotionally stronger.
But thinking back as it's been 2 years post divorce it was a very traumatic experience dealing with my ex.  I did yoga and started doing meditation.

Thanks for those thoughts.

[Lauren17]

I think the flow has started back up. I'm heading in to another round of divorcing a PD craziness.
I'm looking to draw strength fromthe quiet of the last few weeks. And I'm focused on the end.
Have a court date in sight and it won't be moved again.

[escapingman]

This is so true Lauren, I just came out of a very stressful period with preparing for and then attending a hearing. Now the next hearing is in more than 3 months time and hopefully I can use at least the first 2 months to wind down and reenergise.

To divorce a PD really is making you crazy, their craziness is off the scale. I just wish other people could just see and dismiss the lies and made up crazy stories, it would save us so much sanity.

Good luck in your next round Lauren!

[Ive77777]

I'm going on 9 months and  so frustrated wishing it would be over. However stbx is stonewalling by not cooperating with financial disclosures. I'm encouraged by your comments and will try to take  breaks while I can. So many times I just wanted to give up and just settle. But I know that would be very unfair to myself. Thanks again for your stories.

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

It is such  struggle!!! 

I am almost at the end - I had to really weigh in on how much the lawyer was going to cost to get me what I wanted - and in the end, I let go of some $$  because financially it didn't make sense.  The system is nuts - and my lawyer was so-so, my STBX's lawyer couldn't control him - which caused a lot of the time delay.    It took my STBX 2 months to get some documents    I think he became motivated because he has someone new.   

My suggestion would be - don't "give in", but remember the big picture and what your priorities are.  I really got that - I don't have to pay alimony (he's a loser with no motivation to work), I don't have to pay for health insurance, and I can keep an account with my son's college money.  I was pretty happy with the no alimony - that would have been a real downer.

Good Luck