had hostile coworkers in last job and anxious to start look for another job now.

[Sadpeach]

At my last job, i didnt really fit in. People were nice at first then treated me like garbage soon after. I noticed my supervisor played favorites. She would invite certain coworkers out to lunch and be more helpful to them than me. She be more talkative with them and be short with me and not make as much eye contact. I work in a woman dominated field, there are few men there and most of them hated me! i have personal trauma when it comes to men because i always been bullied and abused by them. these men at my job triggered me a lot.

When my boss introduced me to one colleague, i smiled and said hello, he didnt smile back and said hello in disinterested tone and looked back down at his laptop. He continued throughout the time to act hostile to me, put his head down walking past by me, , say hello to others and treat them normally etc... i asked him a question one time because i needed help and he was so short and sounded annoyed with me. there was only one or two time he said hello and asked how i was but he was on his laptop while saying so to me. Then he went back to being hostile. It confused me and made me wonder if i did something. I just avoided him after that but it was uncomfortable to bump into him

There were two security guards that did not like me there. One guard one day saw me walking towards the building, he gave me a look and he never held the door for me, yet he held the door for my other coworker smiling at her, when it came to me, he avoided eye contact and his expression changed to stone. whenever he would see me his facial expression would harden and tell me 'hi how are you' in a flat tone. it felt horrible to come in and feel so unwelcome. Dirty looks, hostile energy. I know i should not care so much and im trying to. very sensitive and sometimes get physically ill from negative energy.

Another guard, he seemed friendly and welcoming at first, he would always greet me when i left.. One day when i leaving and i saw him and a coworker talking, i cheerfully said bye to them while smiling and he just turned still smiling from the conversation just looking at me without saying anything. only the other one said bye. I noticed after that he stopped greeting me whenever i left . He started to get more unfriendly and be on his phone or have earbuds on and look down on his phone if he were to greet me sometimes. He would avoid me and look uncomfortable around me. He put his head down while walking past me and stayed in a spot a bit away from me, looking like.... annoyed or uncomfortable when he had to be near me. Sometimes he gave me a look, and look like almost angry that i was around or something. One time when i was in the elevator, and the door opened i saw him, he saw me and he had the look like he thought ''oh shit! its her'' in his head. . He was hesitant for few seconds to get in the elevator when he saw me LOL, then braced himself and got into the elevator and had his arms crossed in the elevator and looking like almost panicked and distant. LOL. that was the one of the most horrible and awkward elevator rides EVER.

I noticed he would stare/look at me from afar, sometimes smirking, one time he turned away so quick when he realized he was looking in my direction when i was near him and sometimes just leave quickly if i was near him. Okay, sorry im ugly and repulsive and annoying. I noticed he and the other coworker would look at me and talk even more or get closer to each other if i was passing when i was around. It made me think they were talking about me.

i had to go on antidepressants because this treatment from work was depressing me, It was causing me so much anxiety, paranoia. i felt i was being creepy just for existing. I smiled a lot less after that and ididnt make eye contact with them anymore. I hate making people feel uncomfortable so this was very stressful for me to endure. I took more days off work.

Then a month later, that hostile guard that started to ignore me/stop greeting me after i said bye to me smiling one day, suddenly starts greeting me again out nowhere which confused me, considering it seems he gave me a dirty look earlier. so i greeted him back normally. i have a habit of smiling due to nerves so i smiled last time saying my final greeting on my last day without meaning to and he didnt smile back and was starching his chin while looking at me,. he was brushing the back of his hand on his chin, like a chin flick which i thought was a rude gesture and like sending a rude message 'fuck you' to me in a subtle way. That hurt a lot, it was my last day and was shocked at that, i feel a little angry too thinking about it. I wish i coulda been meaner but sometimes im afraid to stand up for myself.

He was hot and cold to me, almost as if he playing with my head and getting an ego boost out of it. I also noticed he distance himself and sat further away than usual in his spot and looked sometimes like scared of me or like pissed when greeting me. Im tearing up thinking about it. i felt so disgusting, and vile.

these incidents with those others guys at my job hurt me pretty badly. lost a bit of weight because i lost appetite due to the anxiety i faced because i would dread the next days and whenever i had to see them. I was too anxious to eat because of the anxiety of seeing those assholes. i felt so unwelcome everytime i went there. non stop worrying about horrible and creepy i probably came across.

Im so happy i wont go back there anymore. im happy this position was temporary and wont have to see them ever again or go through that hell again. i dont know what were those guys problems?

I thought were i work at would be with more mature and decent people. Guess not. This def scarred me. Im scared to work again and where there will be men, especially young men. it seems if im nice to them they take it as interest and if they dont find me attractive they get very hostile, avoidant, and so full of themselves as if they are better than me. How can i get treated so bad just for trying to keep the peace and be friendly?

That felt so awful to come into work and feel unwelcome and avoided by these people. i feel too scared to smile and try to talk to people again in fear of this treatment again.

im so tired of people disrespecting me. I have , been excluded, ignored, treated so horribly. no wonder i isolated myself for so long. im going to isolate again or a very long time. im so hurt by how fellow people have treated me. i think i was further traumatized by my last experience at my last job. i dont want to work around people ever again

I did try my best to focus on my work and i did when i was. The problem was having to be around the coworkers and not let my anxiety overwhelm me. it ruined my confidence and made my social anxiety worse. In my next job i will act less friendly, stick to myself, and only speak when spoken to as i couldnt bear to go through that hell again. My social skills were a little rusty from years of isolation so perhaps i may have come as too strong and weird to some people and they reacted accordingly, it hurt but i learned my lesson. But im still trying to not let people rude actions not affect me, its so hard though. im still hurt.

Having a history of trauma and anxiety and depression just makes it all worse, and i focus too much on it as a trauma response. its so difficult. im anxious to work somewhere, im tired of meeting hostile people despite being friendly it really brings me down, or if someone does appear nice, its only for limited time then they act hostile to me. i hate it!!

[xredshoesx]

i'm sorry your job added to your stress and anxiety issues and i'm proud of you for trying to get some medical interventions with the anti-depressants. 

Do you think some of the people at your old job have personality disorders?    in my profession IRL it's pretty common to have one or two people in the building who may fit the diagnostic requirements of being PD.  At one point the PD abuse from an uPD admin was so extreme i was also on anti anxiety meds bc at the time i wasn't able to find another position.  My training and the members were what got me through- we ( i wasn't the only target) documented his behaviors and GOT HIM FIRED.  strong boundaries also helped me bc they were my hard lines about what i would and would not tolerate at my job as far as how my time was treated and how my interactions were with others who were potentially PD.

be gentile with yourself today and keep reaching out to your support system for your anxiety. 

[Catothecat]

Are you working with a therapist (not just a psychiatrist) for your issues?  One thought that comes to mind is perhaps you and a therapist could act out various work scenarios and evaluate your responses to them.  You already know the sources of your issues so that's a huge step in the right direction.  It may not seem like it, but you are actually way ahead of people who have issues they won't acknowledge, let alone deal with.  Then they act out and cause problems for others, and while it can be hurtful and disrespectful, that's the way they are and you have to find ways to work around them, because they won't change.   

There's an old adage--fake it 'till you make it.  But it can be a long road between faking it and finally making it and it's hard to get there on your own.  When you feel you have to behave in a way that isn't natural to you, the stress can be overwhelming but guidance from another person can alleviate a lot of it.  And coming to the conclusion that much of the time it's not you, it's them, can be difficult because the tendency is to always blame yourself.  And make no mistake--dysfunctional people love it when you blame yourself. 

Again, if you're not working with a counselor or therapist, I strongly urge you to do so because trying to deal with these issues on your own isn't easy.  And if you are working with a therapist, be very specific in the results you wish to obtain in your sessions.  Good luck with all of this and don't give up...sometimes it takes a long time before you find a work environment that "fits."

[Sadpeach]

Hello all to who answered, thank you.

To xredshoesx, i wouldn't be surprised if some coworkers had personality disorders, i know my boss was autistic and i know sometimes with people with autism sometimes have a hard time following social cues, i left out often by her, perhaps she didn't realize or care enough to consider. I suspect that security guard is a narcissist or perhaps has social anxiety or something, the way he reacted to me, Perhaps some of these men took my kindness as flirtations and became hostile/avoidant as a result, i had a feeling maybe that could be it as they were fine with the other women but not me, or maybe my nerves and discomfort makes them uncomfortable and they act hostile and awkward too in return

To catothecat - i have been in therapy before but sadly didnt find it helpful for me.  I actually had a therapist during the time i was working and was experiencing this situation but i didn't find our sessions all that helpful. She told me to help deal with the anxiety before going into work or leaving to pass the guards and coworkers is to think positive affirmation of my self and to keep telling myself i didnt do anything wrong. she also told me something i didnt like when i told her about the behavior of coworkers, she told me ''what do you want them to say? what would you have preferred them to say,no one owes you a response or smile. you have enough empathy to know everyone is dealing with their own stuff and how everyone responds differently''. i didnt find that helpful and rather invalidating. Yes i know no one owes me a response or smile but in the workplace i think we owe it to each other to be civil and kind to one another.  and i think its normal to feel a little hurt if someone ignores you regardless if they dont owe you one.  and told me i will never be happy  constantly seeking reassurance from people and how it was a high expectation for basically expecting coworkers to be cordial

im not sure why people have to be so awful, it makes the world so depressing



i stopped seeing that therapist i may have to look for another one  now im taking a break,.  i think i may just needed a better therapist who was more understanding of my perspective

[Catothecat]

So sorry you had that negative experience with your former therapist, peach.  She may have had a lot of good answers but hadn't the skills to work them into a usable framework.  I had the same experience with a therapist when I was having difficulties on the job.  He was more comfortable with (or maybe lacked understanding) dealing with generalities about how I felt about the situation and how it all related to my childhood or other past issues and blah blah...  Telling me what I already knew while I was asking for specific ways of dealing with the situation.  I, too, felt like I was being invalidated and condescended to.  I felt he wasn't listening to the questions I was asking or taking them seriously.   Eventually I moved on to another therapist who was able to be "practical minded" and seemed more grounded in real world issues, not just therapy, but unfortunately he closed his practice not long after I started seeing him.

I know there's some debate about what people "owe" one another and there are many who will say no one owes you anything and to stop having expectations.  I can understand managing your expectations in situations where you're looking for more specific behaviors in a more specific relationship but I've never understood why some people are rude and disrespectful when you've given them no cause or they don't even know you!  Yeah, it may be their "issues" at play but they're not living in a vacuum where no one else is in the room except them. 

[sunshine702]

I am sorry for you toxic work environment.
It can be so awful.  I have lived  it I very much GET IT.

I would like to invite you to Workplace Bullying Institute - Gary Namie.  Look up his YouTube videos and website.  It can be so eye opening.

Please take good care of yourself.  Exposure to that day after day is worse than coal dust I think.  You hear story after story of people':s health giving out about the 2 year mark

What also is pernicious is the doubt you feel  ambition wise.  It is hard to look for new.  You feel like you can't do anything right.  That no one would want you.  IT IS A LIE!!

Know this -  The main reason targets get targetied is HOW GOOD YOU ARE AT THE JOB.  The bully is jealous of your sparkle.

Also as everyone says look over Personality Disorders.  They are quite common and are a main cause of toxic bullying favoritism work places.  Knowing is half the battle. iT IS NOT YOU!!