I called

[losingmyself]

I finally opened up to my sister. I had her number up on my phone for most of the afternoon, working up the courage, and I finally just pushed the button. It was such a relief, but also I felt bad to put this on her. Which is one reason that I haven't for so long.
She was glad that I did, and cried with me that I've been carrying this with me for so long. Mostly, she understood that my situation is one that can't be fixed, and I need to get out. Her quote was  "You are going to have to be bitchier than you have ever been before. Give him a timeline and tell him to get out.  I know it's not in your nature, and it's hard, but you have to do it."
Thank you all for encouraging me to reach out.

[Poison Ivy]

Good for you for doing this hard, but helpful, thing!

[losingmyself]

Thanks, PI.
I knew how the conversation was going to go. I am so very lucky to have my family. I don't know why I wanted to hide it.
Shame?

[losingmyself]

I keep thinking of things I need to add...
When I told my sister about H's behavior, she was actually surprised. I thought my family would see through it, but he must be good at it. She said "So, he's a completely different person when you're alone. Wow! I had no idea!"

And the Oscar goes to....

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

Congratulations on sharing with your sister.   It's wonderful when you can tell people close to you what your truth is and find out that they are compassionate and unconditional with their support.

I kept things hidden for a lot of reasons, but Shame was a big part.  And, for me, it was necessary to stay in the fog.  If you share, then you have to face what your life is.

I haven't followed other posts you have, but when I was done with my marriage, we had to stay in the same house until he agreed to sell and then through most of the selling process.

For 5 longggggg months, he refused to talk about the divorce, the house, our son, etc....     In order to get him to agree to sell the house and tell our son, I had to make his life uncomfortable.   - I took the cable box, didn't let him eat the food I bought, cancelled his cell phone, didn't pay for his car insurance, wouldn't share what I cooked, etc....  It was hard because, I had to face his wrath each time.  But guess what?  that was worked for him - after a few weeks, he knew I was done and he finally agreed to sell the house.

Best of luck

[notrightinthehead]

Well done for opening up and facing reality! I remember when I opened up to a trustworthy person for the first time, It felt like a light had gone on. I think it is shame but also in a way- not having to face reality, basically lying to oneself.

[losingmyself]

You both hit the nail on the head.
Now that I admitted it to someone,  there's no more denial, and I am overwhelmed with fear because I can't lie about it anymore.
There's a part of me that wishes I could take it back. Maybe this is why I was so hesitant to tell anyone. 
It made it real.

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

I know - I can remember my exact conversation with my friend when I told her....for me, it was the walk Out of the FOG, although at the time, I didn't understand it all.   It made it easier to tell my dad, and then share a little with other people in my life.  It also made it harder to be with him in a room, over dinner, etc...  it was like I saw him for what he truly was.

You can do what you want, when you want to.  There is no time line, except your own.

Right now, it might be easier to GR and use whatever other tools helps.  Focus on yourself and what you need.  Enjoy the day 

[losingmyself]

This was a loooooooong weekend. I tried to avoid him as much as possible, but had family things we had to do, and I needed him to help me with a project.
He was cleaning out the garage, because he says he's moving out. I know he won't unless I tell him to, but it's nice to have the mess in there cleaned up.
We are cordial to each other. I got ST on Friday night because I spoke to DD. Really couldn't care less.  She said she can stay with her dad, but I want her with me.
I was wondering if I should just call a lawyer and have him draw up papers?
I am fine most of the time, but then I'll have a lot of anxiety. I don't know what it is, maybe fear. I'm trying to let myself daydream more about him not being there.
I also looked around and saw the huge amount of stuff we have. It's daunting.

[escapingman]

You both hit the nail on the head.
Now that I admitted it to someone,  there's no more denial, and I am overwhelmed with fear because I can't lie about it anymore.
There's a part of me that wishes I could take it back. Maybe this is why I was so hesitant to tell anyone. 
It made it real.

I so get where you are coming from. In some ways I wish I could take back everything I have told people and go back to how things were. However, things were not like my dissociated brain is trying to tell me they were.

Go on and set your self free, you are really doing well. Contact that lawyer and start the process, it will be many ups and downs but it will be worth it. For you and your DD.