So now she wants to come home

[notrightinthehead]

So happy you got your cat back. I fully understand how attached one can be to our furry friends.

[Cat of the Canals]

What a lovely update, Lilyloo!

[NarcKiddo]

So glad to hear about the cat. That's lovely.

[lkdrymom]

So now she's staying at the NH.  One day she's not next day she is. It came down to losing stepdads veterans pension.  She had no rent money.  What person in their late 80s  has to rent and owns nothing.  The answer is one who was very irresponsible with money!!

We are going this week to clear out the rental. She is a hoarder so its  quite a task awaiting us.

And it never occurred to her what would happen if he died first? I am 55 and it is all I think about.  We plan on downsizing the house to something each of us could handle physically and financially on our own if need be.  The recent housing market craze put that on hold.

[Lilyloo]

Mother never planned ahead for anything. Stepdad didn't either.  I'm like you ikdrymom we have to plan ahead. And I worry too. It's great you are planning ahead at an early age

[Lilyloo]

Thanks everyone about the cat.  I saw her today. She's so happy to be back with family. I don't know where she went for 2 1/2 months?

[Andeza]

She decided to be a feral kitty for a minute. It happens, especially with owners leaving and weird comings and goings. I'm so glad she came home though.

[Lilyloo]

So true Andeza!  There were so many strangers there clearing out the rental and my morher was gone. It must have been so confusing to her.  Her return is a bright spot in a very stressful couple of months. Thank you!

[TimetoHeal]

Had a bit of happy yesterday   My mother had a beautiful cat. When mother fell and wasn't at her house the cat ran off.  Its been at least 2 1/2 months that the cat has been gone. .  My brother put food out but we never saw her at all. We have the rental cleared out now and will not be going back to that house as mother is permanently at the NH. . Suddenly yesterday out of nowhere mothers cat appeared. Skinny , but ok. I cried happy tears.  I had worried so much about the cat.  My brother has the cat now. I wanted her but have 4 inside already.  He and I love animals . Yes there can be stress taking care of them, but a fur baby hug takes some of the sad away and its calming to cuddle them. unconditional love for sure!  Mother is on anti depressants and is very calm and different. I think she likes the attention shes getting at the NH    to each of you

Aw, I missed the whole part about the cat!  So glad you got her!  My cat is my heart, and I know how I would feel if I lost her! 

[AlisonWonder]

Lilyloo you sound like a very nice person.  Don't change

[Lilyloo]

 Thank you  AlisonWonder!   

[Lilyloo]

Thanks TimetoHeal,  Animals give unconditional love. Mother probably won't see her much but she's in good hands with my brother. 

[Granny May]

Oh Lilyloo, your thread touched my heart and I feel so much compassion for you!

It's so wonderful that you found the cat and she's now being fed and loved.  At least that's one *grateful* life that you can focus on.

I understand so well what you're up against.  Your M sounds so much like mine.  Same age too.  All I can say is to stay strong.  Hard as it is, it's so much 'easier' to say a firm no right from the start.  As others have wisely said, any yes from you will only let her know that if she can manipulate you into one small thing, other 'needs' will follow.  I'm doing the same hard yards here.  It's so painful, when you're a loving person by nature, to keep that hard self-protection armour (British/Australian spelling) against these monsters.  But they are only waiting to steal your life, your energy, your compassion.  I just has to be No, No and Heck No all the way.  My love and understanding to you <3

[Jolie40]

this is tough!
my grandma & now my mom both did it......constantly ask to be taken out of NH
however, she could no longer walk & neither can my mom so NH would not be able to release

for a few mos after going into NH, husband would get calls at work "come take me home"
she doesn't know sibling-in-charge sold home & money is used to pay NH
NO ONE is allowed to tell her the house was sold  cause she'd be devastated

Lilyloo.....no one wants to be in NH & lose that independence
that is really tough but in the long run NH is safest place when they can't live alone

[Sneezy]

NO ONE is allowed to tell her the house was sold  cause she'd be devastated

Lilyloo.....no one wants to be in NH & lose that independence
that is really tough but in the long run NH is safest place when they can't live alone

We are in a similar situation.  MIL is in memory care and would be distraught if she knew (and was able to fully understand) that her house has been sold, and so we just don't mention it.

What you say about losing independence is interesting.  Most of us will get to the point where we are not as independent as we were when we were younger.  If we are fortunate to have a long life, then our physical and mental capacity will start to decline.  That means it is really important to prepare for the future, something that is very difficult to do and something that people with PDs have an especially hard time doing (because they are perfect in every way and so they aren't going to decline, and if they do, their children will be fighting for the opportunity to care for them, right?).

But I've noticed that not everyone in senior living is miserable.  In fact, many seem to be quite happy and content.  My MIL is in memory care and the woman in the room next door to her is always cheerful and happy and ready to talk your ear off.  She actually reads books about memory loss and isn't shy about telling anyone who will listen that she is having memory problems and is reading up on it.  My own mom is in independent senior living, and to hear her tell it, it is an awful dirty place with terrible food and not nearly enough staff.  And yet, every time I go visit mom, there are people happily doing activities, and random people will tell me how wonderful lunch was that day. 

More and more, I think old age can be difficult and we all need to be prepared.  Our bodies and our brains did not evolve to work at peak capacity for 90 or 100 years.  But, there is absolutely no reason to be miserable as we age.  Many people deal with the ups and downs of aging and remain optimistic and content.  Our parents with PDs may be the outliers in old age, just as they are in many other stages of life.

[SunnyMeadow]

More and more, I think old age can be difficult and we all need to be prepared.  Our bodies and our brains did not evolve to work at peak capacity for 90 or 100 years.  But, there is absolutely no reason to be miserable as we age.  Many people deal with the ups and downs of aging and remain optimistic and content.  Our parents with PDs may be the outliers in old age, just as they are in many other stages of life.

So true, Sneezy! I would hate to be a miserable old lady. I know several sweet elderly people and I want to be like them. Planning for my own elder care is another thing I've been doing. I will not be like my parents who did nothing to prepare and waited for a kid to take them in.