Still learning GR and MC

[losingmyself]

Question:
When doing my pretty well practiced GR or MC, my H will say something to the effect that I treat him poorly. This will be after I cleaned, washed clothes, made and cleaned up supper, etc. I very much want to ask for an example of how he's being treated poorly, but I don't want to give up the GR or MC stand that I've taken, and I think this will just give him an excuse to once again list all the ways I have failed as a human, mother, wife, you all know the story.
Maybe just me being quiet is treating him bad, I don't know. When he says that, I just give a "Hm"
My question is, I'm doing the right thing, aren't I? I mean, I shouldn't ask those questions, should I?
I have no idea what I'm doing. I just want to run away.
My DD is back in town and I didn't go see her yesterday because I knew it would cause me to get bitched at by him, and then I'd have to listen to the usual complaints. She's staying at her F's, where she'd rather not be, but she won't live with H ever again. But it made me very sad. He kept asking me what was wrong yesterday when I was sad, I just said nothing's wrong. If I did tell him, eventually, what was wrong, there's no concern about the thing that's bothering me, it's just that I lied about it, and it's all about how he was lied to.
It's difficult for me to tolerate being around him.

[escapingman]

The problem is that you are not giving he the supply he is craving. That he complains mean that you are doing a great job. Keep up the good work!

[notrightinthehead]

Hm is wonderful grey rock. You could vary it with Ok, I see, is that so, aha. You are doing great! The little slip when you told him you were sad about not seeing your daughter, was just a reminder of what to expect from him if you show your vulnerability.

[Poison Ivy]

Lots of good information above; I especially echo this, from user: "The way I see it, the primary goal of MC/GR is to protect yourself. By avoiding JADE and other responses that get you pulled into the drama triangle and abuse by them, you're keeping yourself safer."

[losingmyself]

Thank you! It's nice to have the validation!
nrith, I didn't tell him why I was sad, it wouldn't have gone anywhere. I just knew that if I did eventually tell him why, he would have made it all about why I told him differently earlier. Thanks for the GR suggestions!
In other news, I know of a couple who has a basement apartment empty. She's a good friend of mine, and I know she'll let me use it if I need it. I just have to work up the courage to ask. But I know there's a place for me.
I have been considering just leaving. I don't know if I'll be strong enough to tell him to leave.
Baby steps

[losingmyself]

user thanks for the suggestions! I listen to Dr Ramani every day! Her and Kris Godinez!
And EM, "that he complains means you are doing a great job" thanks!

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

What is so difficult is that any shared information can be used against you.  Which is why GR/MC works.

Many times, I couldn't help myself and I'd say something.  And, the result would show me why GR/MC is a great tool.

Besides silence, I often use "ok" or "?" when we are texting.  It usually stops the nastiness.

Now that my ex knows I'm Out of the FOG, I can call him out on his ridiculousness a bit easier.   For example, he promised my 18 year old son that he was going to buy them both motorcycles.  (Yes, we all know this wasn't going to happen.....he was just going to buy himself one).  So, when he got some of MY $$ from our divorce, there it was .....his motorcycle.  He brought it to my son's baseball game with his new supply.  I texted him and asked where our son's motorcycle was.....I just couldn't help myself.  Of course, it enraged him, but only because he knows that I see him for what he truly is.  It made me recognize how far I've come, but that my son is still being used and hurt by his actions.