I've Reached my Ceiling

[BuzzyBee]

I think today was the final straw with NPD brother and dad. I received the most passive aggressive texts while at work from NPD bro to mom and I. I felt the negative energy, the anxiety, the seething anger. Hes unemployed, so he has no commitment or care that I'm at work and he's upsetting me. He was the GC so mom and dad could care less of his awfulness and refuse to see anything wrong with it. So today, he sends a text to mom and I praising our half sister, who has been estranged until recently. He said what a wonderful person she is, and that he judged her wrong. How she never calls dad asking for money, she's so unselfish and "doesn't hold grudges or partake in childish jealousy and looks amazing after having kids".... He goes on saying he gives her credit because she left the "idiot" she was with. He then insults her saying she's not very bright, but my mother is so smart and kind just like half sis and our mom is such a great mother, he loves her so much and can't wait to see her. Mind you, he never said a word about me but included me on here, to what I concluded was a passive aggressive jab at me... mom did say thanks and she's blessed to be our mom trying to include me. I was upset at his passive aggressive tone, but I didn't write him anything I just sent a GIF to change the subject and then told mom I love her. He then starts sending GIFs, one said "I'm not a straw stop sucking up" and another saying "you're stupid" and I was upset so I fired some GIFS of my own just trying to highlight the absurdity of it all and change the subject.... but really I was just being mildly passive aggressive back. But he wouldn't stop, and continued texting mom so I ended up blocking him.... I just didn't want to deal with him anymore. I have no idea what the text was referencing in regards to jealousy, asking for money, selfishness etc.... I dont ask them for anything nor do I send absurdly insulting texts to them for no reason.  I haven't talked to them in a while  and when I do I'm respectful.  The only thing I did was send a text to my dad that DS's bday was last week. It was not inflammatory, nor did I ask for anything.... I have put up with their dismissive, insulting, belittling behavior for many years and they've pretty much shut me out and pushed me away. I find no value in speaking with them, I realized how divisive my brother is always trying to pull our parents away from me, even trying to pull me from my husband. Hate is a strong word, but he has ruined my entire childhood, him and my dad... and they don't care. They'd destroy me again and again if they could no remorse. Today I just give up and for myself I dont want to participate. I dont deserve their treatment, and I want better for myself. I blocked my brother and I already feel a weight lifted. He lives in another state and its great I dont have to deal with them in person, and I was VLC for the most part but he tries to get my attention every once and a while and this last little bit of communication is too much for me. How these narcs have so much power over us is unreal, one text sent me back to childhood. It was a nightmare I choose not to live anymore.

[notrightinthehead]

Well done! You deserve a break from such upsetting messages and gif fights. Much better to spend time with people who love and respect you. Much better to put your energy into your work. Much better to play with your kid or do something positive than to waste time and emotional energy on people who only hurt you. Don't give them another minute of your precious time while you continue to work on your healing. When you have recovered and feel strong you may or may not let them back into your life.

[BuzzyBee]

I've thought many times I was healed, because they haven't been around and live out of state. I have so much freedom and happiness when I dont deal with them. But when I deal with them, by text phone or in person, that's when it all resurfaces and they haven't changed. They get to me and I only realize how toxic they are after encountering them. My mom plays into my brothers hands when he comes into things because he's the GC, so that's also hard and brings up past feelings. I never realized how divisive he is, because its so subtle... I'm just tired of being forgiving. No matter how many times I've tried, it doesn't work. I'm so removed from them it doesn't hurt as much as it used to, and I'm at a point in my life where I won't invest myself in anything that feels this bad. I finally can call a spade a spade, and maybe that is a huge improvement from where I used to be, trying to people please.