My mother's son came here uninvited at 2:00am in the morning to threaten my mom

[Sadpeach]

A crazy situation happened. yesterday. My mother's son is a crazy abusive deranged person. i highly suspect he is a narcissistic sociopath, he done fked up things and seem to have no remorse or learn from his actions and does not care about consequences. He was very abusive to me growing up,he literally made my childhood a living nightmare and he is crazy, dangerous, and i cut him out of my life many many years ago. The problem is i still live with my mother (im in my 20s and trying to get independence its so hard) and she still is close to him despite his constant disrespect and threats to her, she wont give up on him and her coping mechanism is to ignore it and pretend that its not happening which i find somewhat dangerous

He accused my mother of stealing something yet AGAIN. This time, he comes and rings the bell at freakin 2:00am in the morning ! my mom was still awake and i was still sleeping then i wake up again to hear him saying 'you old piece of shit, you old piece of shit, you stole from me, i cant sleep, i cant do anything, im gonna kill myself, if you steal anything again i will kill you (i think he said that i cant be sure)''.

but he kept pacing back and forth like a lunatic saying this in a demonic voice, it felt like a horror movie. this got me livid and had a panic attack to make a long story short, he abused me most of my life both mentally and physically to the point where im scared of him and i shake when im around him, mom knows this but still cant have the heart to turn him away if he rings the bell or tries to come. i don't understand why she would answer the door for him she knows how he is but in denial of it.

My poor mom i think she little scared of him too and did nothing but enable him. so anyway, i got fed up, got dressed, and told him and my mom if he does not leave and stop acting like a lunatic i will call the police, i saw him sitting, glare at me evil in the dark and i ran for my life, usually when i do that he beats me up, i was scared after i said that and i was gonna call 911 downstairs, mom chased after me to calm me down and stop me from doing that, but hello he comes here acting like a lunatic and threatening her because he thought she stole something? but im glad i did that because that cut the time in half of when he was terrorziing her because that made her leave to go outside and find me which made him leave eventually however......

he then calls her telling her that he left while she was outside calming me down. turns out he took my laptop and  Nintendo 3DS when he left to be petty, me threatening to call the cops and calling him crazy made him very angry and to get back at me and my mom for 'stealing' (in which she did not) he took my stuff, i was going to call the police, mom kept stopping me, she went out at 4:00am in the morning i waited for her to retrive my stuff, thankfully she was able to get it. this triggered me so bad, i really hate him. this also taught me i have to leave, living with her means more incidents like this, and when she came back with my stuff, i busted out crying and had a panic attack and almost threw up! i could barely walk and dry heaving after it was all over. i couldnt sleep i kept shaking all night until the next day. I still feel in daze, i feel like im not living in reality and feeling like im out of my body at the moment.

i really dont want this to happen again!

now i feel re-traumaizted all over again. im nervous about him coming here anytime to do that again. My mom claims she wont open the door for him again or wont see him again she said that so many times and i know its not true


i really want to get him back to jail, he is not a safe person, i feel he is a danger to society, unstable, dangerous, and want him to be in jail for life, can i report him anonymously? the problem is i didnt record him or anything, i was too paralyzed with fear until finally i had to get up leave and threaten to call 911, and leave, i think i saved my mom half of the terror by doing this because that gave her an excuse to get away from him but she still didnt want me calling the cops and thought i was being ridiculous despite the fact i knew she was scared


Mom kept , ''dont worry i have all your stuff, you are a strong girl, we will go on vacation soon'' i know on the inside this is hard for her and it seems she seems afraid herself of him but still she does not get it and never will. sad thing is in two days she will go back to his laundry and giving him food. i think i got triggered just by hearing and seeing his disgusting self again and being threatening. I remember back when i got a dog, he wanted to get another dog my mom already told him no and he got a dog anyway, she gave the dog away and in turn, he GAVE me my DOG away! That was so traumatic for me, if he cant be happy then i cant either. he destroyed my childhood and gave me severe trauma i hate him so much

, he also is a manbaby nearing 40 years old. he is dangerous, i still want to report, he been in jail before a bunch of times, he needs to be in there for life. can i still call the cops to report this? should I? its not fair he can get away with this, if you were in my shoes what would you do? im currently trying to find potential family members that may allow to stay with them for a while until i can get back on my feet, im scared they will turn me away. i dont want to go to a shelter, im jobless, and have been job searcing for months

its been a day since that happened, and i am still in a daze, i feel out of my body. Now even seeing my mom triggers me, hearing her voice and seeing her reminds me of what happened, i ignored all her calls today and pretended to be asleep last night, idk how to face her now. i think i have to try find somewhere to live in the meantime while i try to recover from the horror and re-traumatization  that happened to me


why am i so cursed?

[notrightinthehead]

Gosh I am so sorry! Is there any safe place you can escape to? Doesn't sound like living how you are now is safe.

[Gwendolyn]

Hello Sadpeach

I am very sorry that you have experienced so many traumatic events in your life.  It is not fair and you don't deserve it. 

I don't have many answer for you but I hope you will update us and let us know if you have been able to spend some time with other family members. 

Also I'm not sure if you live in a rural or urban setting but if there is a library near you it is a free and safe space to use a computer and do some research on domestic abuse.  Sounds like both you and your mom are being terrorized and traumatized. 

Since you are the one seeking answers and ideas I am speaking to you as another woman when I say "take care of yourself first. Your mom has her own reasons for her decisions".

I am not sure what resources are available for you as a victim of domestic abuse but perhaps there are free helpline or resources or counseling.  Your safety is very important.  Maybe you need a lock on your bedroom door.  Maybe you need to go out of the house in the daytime and get some fresh air and look for a job or find a drop in center for young adults.  It does seem like you might benefit from being around less complicated people and places from time to time.  Are you able to use a bicycle in your area and in your climate? Can you visit some old high-school friends and network a bit? Maybe they know of some places that are hiring? Maybe they know someone who is looking for a pet-sitter or house sitter for a while? Something to get you out of the house and maybe provide a little $$$?

This is a turning point for you and you have survived this far.   You recognize this isn't healthy for you and you're thinking about making some changes.  This is positive and challenging at the same time.

Carving out space for yourself (anywhere safe and free during the daytime) where you can think and plan and maybe get some free counseling would be a huge benefit for your future. 

You have a lot of courage to share here and you will see more clearly over time and your resources will change and your ability to create new living arrangements will develop as you apply your energy in that direction.

Please continue to share with us.  We are a supportive community here and sometimes writing down our feelings and experiences helps others understand their situations more clearly too.  You are important and you deserve all the effort it will take to improve your future.

Keep building.

Big hug