My mum locked me out of my home

RogertheGOAT · October 03, 2022, 07:37:11 PM

I lived with my NPD/BPD mom for around 5 years, more than a decade ago. She then moved out with a guy, and started coming every week or so. I began to claim my independence and asked her to at least call or ring before just entering my home. There were so many discussions until I changed the lock. This was more than a decade ago

About 1 year and a half ago, I had a severe depression and I had to move out to my father's house so someone could take care of me. I'm in recovery but my mom found out the old apartment is empty and forced the lock and now won't let me in. I'm really paranoid because I was always secretive with my stuff and now she has access to hard drives, and other stuff like personal and intimate writings, and maybe other personal stuff I don't remember.

My anxiety is through the roof

Sorry this is my first time on the forum, but there's no much to say, I needed to vent and read some kind words

bloomie · October 04, 2022, 08:37:02 AM

Hi and welcome! I am thankful you have found the support community, but sorry for the difficulties that are taking place in your life with your mother.

It is shocking to me that your mother would force locks and enter your private apartment barring you from entering. The feelings of vulnerability and intrusion you describe make perfect sense to me.

I hope you are able to continue on course with your recovery as you figure out what to do next regarding your home and belongings and how your mother's intrusive choices are impacting you. I also hope there is some remedy... a third party or legal remedy that will allow you to protect yourself and recover your home and belongings.

easterncappy · October 05, 2022, 05:07:37 PM

I mean... that's pretty clear as day breaking and entering. Yes, it's illegal and wrong even if it's your own mom. I understand that it might seem impossible given family dynamics, but calling the police is an option... unless she found her way onto the lease/deed to the apartment - mine were good at convincing me that all of our names need to be on all of our accounts and it was a huge pain the ass disconnecting from them because of it. I don't know where you live but I'm pretty sure there's legal recourse for B&E pretty much everywhere that has a government.

Also, it's really weird that she knows how to force a lock. The only person I ever knew who casually tried to pick a lock in front of me as if it was nothing ended up being seriously PD and a thief.

I left a journal describing how terrible I think my dad is at my parents' house when I moved out. I meant to take it with me, but oh well. You're giving her a lot more power over you than she really has. Especially since you're an adult whose apartment she illegally entered... you're the one with the power here.

RogertheGOAT · October 05, 2022, 07:37:22 PM

Quote from: easterncappy on October 05, 2022, 05:07:37 PM
I mean... that's pretty clear as day breaking and entering. Yes, it's illegal and wrong even if it's your own mom. I understand that it might seem impossible given family dynamics, but calling the police is an option... unless she found her way onto the lease/deed to the apartment - mine were good at convincing me that all of our names need to be on all of our accounts and it was a huge pain the ass disconnecting from them because of it. I don't know where you live but I'm pretty sure there's legal recourse for B&E pretty much everywhere that has a government.

Also, it's really weird that she knows how to force a lock. The only person I ever knew who casually tried to pick a lock in front of me as if it was nothing ended up being seriously PD and a thief.

I left a journal describing how terrible I think my dad is at my parents' house when I moved out. I meant to take it with me, but oh well. You're giving her a lot more power over you than she really has. Especially since you're an adult whose apartment she illegally entered... you're the one with the power here.

Thank you for your kind words. Technically what she did is not illegal. Both my mom and my dad are the legal owners of the apartment. But they agreed to give it to me when they got divorced many years ago. My mom however never put me in the deed.
So I guess she must have hired a locksmith
But I find highly unethical and invasive to refuse to let me in and grab my stuff. She is not living there, it makes no sense

FromTheSwamp · October 07, 2022, 11:36:01 AM

I would hire a locksmith of my own and get in there. How miserable for you.

square · October 07, 2022, 04:36:28 PM

I don't have ANY legal knowledge but I am thinking if she is the legal owner, you are a tenant - with rights. Even if you never paid rent. Something to look into.

moglow · October 11, 2022, 11:22:11 AM

Roger, whatever regrets or mistakes of the past, now you know. While it was HIGHLY unethical and intrusive of her, I guarantee she'll fall back on the fact that it's her property and she therefore has rights. She may have wanted to force some kind of confrontation.

What I'd do is get thee to the property and remove my belongings, even if only to store everything in a small storage unit away from her property. I'd absolutely vacate the premises and let her have it. She's shown who she is so your best option is to respond accordingly - remove her access to your life/property. Slam that door shut and move forward.

Caveat: If she's changed locks and restricted your access, you could end up having to go to court where she's ordered to allow temporary access so you can remove your belongings. Dont do that alone - have someone with you at all times if you have to be on her property.

SonofThunder · October 11, 2022, 01:34:33 PM

Quote from: RogertheGOAT on October 05, 2022, 07:37:22 PM
.....and my dad are the legal owners of the apartment.,

Both to MoGlow's comments and also that your dad has legal right to enter the apartment if he's on the deed, so can you ask him to hire a locksmith on his own behalf and you tell him you will meet the locksmith at the apartment with his approval. Since you moved in with him for a period, will he help you gain access to move your stuff out?

If you vacate (i recommend what MoGlow said) he may be able to rent the place for additional income (if you are currently rent free) and that is greater incentive for him to help you because he/they cant rent it until its vacated.

SoT

moglow · October 11, 2022, 01:56:54 PM

Another caveat - should you have to talk with her to gain access etc., dont be surprised if she makes some big about face, you can stay there, she didn't know you were coming back, she'll sign it over to you etc. Still: Pack up everything and move out. Don't leave yourself in a position where you're in any way dependent upon an already-established undependable person. She changed the locks once - there's nothing to stop her doing it again.

SonofThunder · October 11, 2022, 02:27:46 PM

Quote from: moglow on October 11, 2022, 01:56:54 PM
Another caveat - should you have to talk with her to gain access etc., dont be surprised if she makes some big about face, you can stay there, she didn't know you were coming back, she'll sign it over to you etc. Still: Pack up everything and move out. Don't leave yourself in a position where you're in any way dependent upon an already-established undependable person. She changed the locks once - there's nothing to stop her doing it again.

SoT