Step Forward

[JustKeepTrying]

Today was a big day.

I had ana EMDR session addressing the physical abuse that occurred just before I left my exOCPDh.

As I retold the story over and over and my hands buzzed from the hand thingies - I could feel the tension leave my body with each retelling.  We ended the session with a huge affirmation from my T - she asked how many people I had told about it.  Other than this community anonymously, my best friend and sister.  She said "You now have three witnesses.  Three people who stand in solidarity with you."

That was so empowering.  As anyone on here knows, living with a PD is mind bending.  So much in the past few years since I left, I have felt like I was screaming ini the void asking for someone - anyone - to believe me.  I felt crazy.

But tonight as I sit just before bed writing in my journal and sharing my story with all of you, I feel pretty peaceful.  Proud of the courage I had to leave a 32 year marriage.  My shame spiral is ending.  I have more work to do.  It's not over in therapy but reliving it today - after keeping it firmly in a box for so long - I felt so free and unburdened.  Like my life is now moving forward.

Like I said, I have more work to do.  I have to look in all those dark corners and I will continue to live with PTSD but today was a win.  So today I celebrate.

[Boat Babe]

 

[hhaw]

It sounds like you have a good T guiding you through your healing journey, JKT. Thank you for sharing that EMDR session on the board.

Recently my T introduced me to the Ally.......bringing forth one of the parts of myself to validate and stand beside me when I'm struggling.

Even the addicted and self harming parts have good intentions so bringing one forward....whichever steps forward....picturing them saying "I absolutely understand how you'd feel that way" or some such statement......is starting to help.

[NarcKiddo]

Excellent! 

[SonofThunder]

#badass

[square]

Well done!