Husband staying stuck, I feel I am too

[Leonor]

Hi Cordelia,

How is it going?

I just wanted to recommend someone to you: Dr Ken Adams. He is absolute gold on how men who were enmeshed by their mothers struggle in romantic relationships and how their partners can communicate with them in ways that are self-affirming and loving at the same time to restore relationship balance.

Wishing you and your dh well!

[Call Me Cordelia]

Thank you, I will check it out!

[feralcat]

Hi. I've had a look at Dr Adams' YouTube site. I like him, but not keen on the webinars as narrated by others.
However, after watching his video for partners, I googled 'mother enmeshed men'. And found a podcast from a site I'd noticed in the past.

beyondbitchy.com ( strange title , I know). I listened to 'Relationships with mother enmeshed men' ( had to download it). Excellent. She also recommends other podcasts around dealing with avoidant personalities, and around firming up your own internal boundaries as a coping strategy. She takes Dr Adams work as her starting point.

It answered the eternal question of why unPdMil has been unpleasant to me from the off, why H always defends her, his family's lack of boundaries etc etc etc. And why he tries to make me a proxy mother, why I'm always bottom of the list, why he won't make decisions. On and on. He's off in a couple of days to look after the mother who's, shock horror, had a day surgery. His S , next in line enmeshed in chief, has timetabled all 3 siblings to do so.
The sad thing is ( apart from his behaviour) that I should have been able to work this out myself. My FOO is also enmeshed as hell ( I've misbehaved and broken away, and now they're 'nervous of me'. DARVO) .