PD spouses and their jobs

[Cascade]

When our children were young, my PDh was pretty good at hanging on to jobs, and even stayed for years sometimes, but for the last ten years he's been going from job to job. This all started when he signed up for one of those job seeking sites online.

He used to share with me when he was thinking of changing jobs, but not anymore. I generally find out after he's already had an interview for the next job. He started yet another new job and I'm pretty bummed about it. The pay is less, the hours are less, among other negatives, and yet he didn't even ask me what I thought about him taking this job. This job is good for his ego though. He's home longer in the mornings and home much sooner in the afternoons. Plus, there will be numerous days off throughout the year.  I am grateful that he has a job though, and is willing to work, as some PD people don't work at all.

[escapingman]

As you write, be happy he has got a job. My STBX quit work when we had kids and then she never went back, despite me working most days from home and MIL living nearby so there was never a real need for her to be off work. But every time I tried to get back to work she was to busy being busy so she didn't have time, she was mostly being busy with going to the gym, puzzle books, jigsaws and trash tv. Her real "job" cleaning, washing and ironing took probably 5 hours a week (and I don't count hovering the same floor twice every day).

STBX has now got herself a job as we are divorcing, but she has taken on a minimum wage role as she can't be bothered having a "real" job. She has a degree from one of the best universities in the world but just can't be bothered to work. Maybe that is the mindset of many PD's?

[GravityOfBeauty]

I have a very similar experience.

Shortly before I left, I made a list of all the jobs my uNBPDw had held during our marriage. It took a while to reconstruct and undoubtedly I missed some; the final count was over 20 jobs in the course of merely 6 years. I'd estimate 40% fired / 60% left (and that doesn't include the dozens of interviews she backed out of or positions she wasn't offered.) To add to the damage, many of those positions were benefits eligible and she'd pull the rug out from under them shortly before or after completing the qualifying period. I spent a bulk of our marriage uninsured since I'm self employed and she didn't let me insure myself.

Of course she cast the blame for every burned bridge on bosses, workplaces, employees or even me since PDs cannot tolerate holding themselves accountable for anything. Eventually she reached the point where she claimed there "were no jobs" where we lived and repeatedly forced me to plan a relocation centered around her landing a new job. She went as far to interview out of state, land a job, and then force me to move. That's when I hit the breaking point and my T named abuse in my marriage.

Now that we're living a part, she works a couple of days here in there in a flexible, minimum wage position. If anyone asks she considers this her "job" and "working" but it's hardly justifiable let alone livable. I'm not sure what she will do once the divorce is finalized. I try not to worry about it but I still sometimes find myself concerned.

[11JB68]

Yes,  I've experienced this too.
Early on updh had an idea of a career he wanted,  skipped an interview cuz the job wasn't good enough.  Then held a good job and stayed with a co for years and had promotions etc.  (But early on would have me call him in sick if he didn't feel like going). Then,  about 20 years ago he had a series of bad work experiences, left two jobs with no plan b lined up (small child,  new mortgage,  me working part-time ).... decided he shouldn't have to work "for idiots" and started a business... has earned little since.  After a heart attack almost 3 years ago he reduced his work hours severely as he needed "less stress". Works maybe 15 hours a week, naps, exercises,  does a hobby.... all while I'm working full-time, doing all household errands and chores etc

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

My ex-PD spouse was very capable of working - during the "love bomb" phase and for a few years after, I thought he was a decent worker with goals.  Nope - all an act.  By the end of our marriage, he was barely working and lived off of my  hard work, motivation, and exhaustion - all which contributed to my staying in the fog.

I was 100% financially abused and fearful of how to get out of it.  To those reading - it is possible, and I was able to avoid paying for alimony!! AMAZING - the judge saw right through him.