Killing perfectionism

[mary_poppins]

Hi fam.

It took me so many years to finally understand that perfectionism is a result of narcissistic abuse. I also managed to see that whatever I was doing and planning in my life was shadowed by perfectionism. For me taking big steps meant being worthy, lovable, intelligent and great. But its a faulty thinking.
Doing stuff to achieve something doesn't make you a better person. I know that I'm already a good person and worthy, too so doing things won't change that. My parents are not human beings but human doings. I've only see them do stuff. They had no interest in discovering who they are and bettering themselves. They haven't changed and will go to their graves thinking they're worthy if they 'do' things or achieve something.

It is a very sad way to live. Their lives make me depressed but I get that their families abused them so much that they don't understand they're good enough as they are without doing stuff.

It just feels great to not go their own way and choose to think what makes me feel good and what makes me grow. My brothers are their perfect copies. Unless they behave perfectly and do what they say, they're losers, society's trash.

The challenge is to stop myself when I realize I'm engaging in a perfectionistic way of living. For ex instead of listing 10 things to accomplish in a day, I could list 2. That in itself is an accomplishment. Slowly I am getting better at living 'normally', without that incessant need to do things perfectly or look a certain way.

How  about you? How have you been managing perfectionism?

[Poison Ivy]

I too struggle with feeling and thinking that I have to be perfect. I've recently done something similar to you: I dropped a mantra I was keeping, which was "I must accomplish four things every day." The truth is, I don't need any reminder, in my brain or on paper, to be my usual super-productive self, so having this mantra was just a way of piling onto myself.