Hoping for the best and NOT preparing for the worst

[Poison Ivy]

I'm undergoing a diagnostic procedure later this week that could discover something seriously wrong in my body. Often in the past, I'd make myself think about the worst and almost have my funeral planned by this point. This time, although I'm definitely worried about what the results might be, something in my brain is not letting me go "there" (to the worst), and I don't feel particularly anxious about the procedure. Occasionally, I'll think, "Am I being stupid and irrational to not prepare for the worst?" The rest of the time, I think, "Wow, so this is what acceptance can feel like!"

[square]

The very best of luck for your procedure and results.

Being prepared is one thing, worrying is another. Losing sleep won't help. It's okay not to worry, it's perfectly reasonable and responsible to just see what happens given there is no real preparation to be done (the way you can indeed prepare for a hurricane).

[Poison Ivy]

Thank you, square!

[Lookin 2 B Free]

Poison Ivy,  I'm glad you had some time of peace before this diagnostic procedure.  Allowing yourself to relax rather than scaring yourself sounds like great preparation to me.  You even got to experience "this is what acceptance can feel like," something you can take with you long after this time of learning test results.

I'll be wishing for things to go as smoothly as possible for your procedure and whatever comes after that.  ❤

[foobarred]

Sounds like common sense to me.  There's too many unknowns at this point to realistically prepare for anything.  Best to take things as they come.  When you know more, *then* you can prepare.

Best of luck on your diagnostic procedure.

[SonofThunder]

Hi Poison Ivy,

I fully empathize on the worry over unknowns.  My feedback opinion is that turning unknowns to knowns is actually part of planning for the worst and the best at the same time.  Its so very hard to plan anything around unknowns, but knowns are better to use in planning, regardless of the +/- regarding the known. 

For example, some people ignore their medical symptoms altogether, but you are not.  I will presume that you are recognizing your symptoms and being proactive with the diagnostic procedure to turn unknowns to knowns.  Imo, that is a very positive and healthy proactive plan, so that your decision-making is much better informed by knowns. 

I commend you on being the type of person who doesn't ignore their symptoms.   Worry along the process is imo, being human, but you have not allowed worry to stop the diagnostic process.  Great job moving forward. 

I will keep you in thought and prayer regarding the procedure and you proactively turning your unknown to a known.

SoT

[Poison Ivy]

Thank you, everyone!

SonofThunder, I almost allowed worry to stop the diagnostic process. For a week or so, I went back and forth between "I don't want to get this done, so I won't." and "Why am I being so irrational? A problem exists or doesn't exist regardless of the procedure. More information is always better." I'm proud of myself for choosing rationality this time.

The procedure was yesterday. I started feeling anxious the evening before. The staff were very kind and helpful. I especially appreciated them because my primary care provider has not been communicating well lately.

Test result was posted yesterday afternoon. My interpretation is that I don't have a life-threatening condition. (My primary care provider hasn't looked at the report or commented about it. I don't want to be my own physician!)

I very much appreciate being able to write about stuff like this on this forum.

[Lookin 2 B Free]

PI, I'm happy to hear this.  I hope you get your intuitions confirmed by an M.D. soon!

[square]

That is great news! Also looking forward to final confirmation.

[SonofThunder]

That is great news! Also looking forward to final confirmation.

+1

Great job continually moving forward in gathering information!  Will be keeping you in thought and prayer. 

SoT

[Poison Ivy]

Thanks again for the support.

Here is an update: I had another procedure today and found out that my "organ" is "perfectly normal" (i.e., no signs of cancer). I feel proud of myself for doing the right things (getting the tests and procedures done even though I was afraid). I am grateful for my siblings and adult children; I eventually told them some of the details, and they were very supportive. I have decided to change to a different primary care provider because my current one made several mistakes and omissions during this saga, and I no longer trust him.

[square]

Wow, what news! What a relief!! It must be great to have that weight lifted.

[SonofThunder]

Wow, what news! What a relief!! It must be great to have that weight lifted.

SoT

[Lookin 2 B Free]

PI,  So many victories in this series of events.  A real growth period!  I'm so happy for you on all counts.  : )