It does get better

[Happypants]

I guess I just wanted to drop in and say thank you to everyone who posts, replies and takes the time read each others' experiences.  I feel like I'm finally coming out the other side although I'm not sure what that actually looks like.  I'm not "over it" and never will be.  But I'm going for longer periods without labouring over validating my experience or analysing my part in things.  I used to think that if I could go back, knowing what I know now, I would do and say things differently, and maybe things would have been better with them.  I know now that's not the case.  I know now that creating physical distance, establishing boundaries and accepting things (including my wrongdoings) for what they are would have been the good move back then (strangely, my study and career ambitions were all geared towards being anywhere but here - I instinctively knew  ). 

Things are "fine" with them now.  There's no deep connection there and I know that there can't be despite there being the potential with my f.  Levels of contact fluctuate.  Sometimes digs, excessive ringing of my phone for non-emergencies (for control purposes, you see  ), grunts, minimising remarks, infantilisation and smearing can't be resisted and that's fine.  I know it'll take a day or two to recover from contact even if nothing bad happens and I just work around that.  I also know that making promises to contact in the near future leaves me in limbo until that contact happens, so I don't commit to it any more.  I don't visit them and they seem less inclined to visit me, only family celebrations, and I'm happy with getting to see everyone together (including them).  I know this current period of peace will change (hello Christmas  ).  But I've taken a step forward that I can't put my finger on but that I know I won't backslide on    My mind seems to stay more on the here-and-now, and there are so many aspects of that "here-and-now" that I've discovered I really need to change. I now seem to have the energy and motivation to do it.  Just need to sort out some health issues that are getting in the way. 

I, and I'm sure many others, really couldn't have gotten here without this forum  Thank you x

[littlelimabean]

Why did this feel like an inspiring monologue at the end of a movie? Your post was wonderful to read, and I hope you continue going upward in your journey.

[SonofThunder]

Why did this feel like an inspiring monologue at the end of a movie? Your post was wonderful to read, and I hope you continue going upward in your journey.

+1 

SoT

[Liketheducks]

What a hopeful post.    Thank you.   

[Happypants]

Thank you 😊 As long as I'm moving forward, I'm going to give myself permission to stop looking back 🤞