A very long and dark intro into my hell *trigger warning*

[Thedevilwithin]

Hello. I'm a 30 some year old man married to a violent/predatory sociopath. We will just call her Annie (that isn't her real name). We have a long history of back and forth... little did I know until recently that's because she was continually "seeking" me out refusing to let go of me since we first dated in high school.

Our story is very complex and might be a little different than how this usually goes with these kinds of people. I'll start at the beginning.

We started dating in high school. I was her second and she was my first. She was definitely the one seeking/coming on to me. I wasn't good at these things, as part of being on the autism spectrum... didn't know how to engage romantically/sexually, and wasn't even sure I had those feelings for her anyways... she clearly did and made sure to find a way to make me hers.... She was extremely pushy and I just seemed like even though I wasn't opposed to it, still felt like I almost didn't have a choice. Nothing too strange at this point in time. It was puppy love and I wasn't really into her or even ready for the relationship as she was with me. I ended it and she took it very personally... she refused to "allow" me To leave her and made sure told everyone she left me, very bizarre tbh.

Many years  later while in a relationship with another man, she knocks on my front door, out of the blue. She hands me some pictures from our prom night and other picture if us when we were dating in high school. The approach  was very strange and bold to say the least... then she proceeded to tell me how controlling and abusive he is. She told me he was violent towards animals. Said he would lock her in her room and refuse to let her out or wouldn't let her speak when they were out with friends. I obviously took this very seriously as I'm an extremely (overly so) empathetic individual and hearing this mistreatment broke my heart... so I did what I usually do and put my boundaries aside in an attempt to help her.

She invited me over for Christmas dinner while her parents were on vacation. She came to the door dressed very suggestively and had a bottle of whiskey... it went just as it appeared it was going to. She got me really drunk and then we started having sex. Her boyfriend shows up while this is happening and starts pounding in the door yelling " I know your in there as he says my name" we hid from the windows and waited it out. He left and she shews me out the door quickly. It was snowing out heavily and I got stuck at the end of the driveway, then I see him down the road, waiting. He turns his lights back on and proceeds to drive past me and heads to her house. Maybe a minute or two goes by until I give up on getting my car out of the side of the drive way... I get out and hear Annie screaming. After what she told me about him I was worried he was going to hurt her, giving the situation. I grabbed my pocket knife and just held it opens and visibly in my hand while I approach them. That's when I notice that her dog is dead on the driveway blood everywhere... that part of the story still confuses me and I'm not sure how it actually happened, I suspect she killed him on purpose, yet she says she accidentally ran him over when she went to move her car after I left. That just doesn't make sense because I don't even think she even had time to do that and there would have been no reason for her to move it anyways. Anyways cops got called that night because I had the knife. I ran and hid and the police show up and talked to Annie, her boyfriend and her boyfriends friend. Annie managed to turn the whole thing on me. She somehow got everyone else to agree with her fabricated chain of events. They all made statements saying that Sarah and Ryan were celebrating Christmas together when I showed up drunk snd refused to leave, also blamed the death of the dog on me...

That was the first huge red flag but at that point I still chalked it up her being a victim of an abusive/controlling relationship. I went to jail and she went back to her boyfriend. We didn't talk for years after that.

Another 5-6 years later I was in the midsts of a opiate addiction and at an all time low. I had just had a very serious overdose that involved me having a stroke as well. Nearly died. Annie somehow heard about this, or maybe she had just been stalking me from a far over social media. Anyways she goes to my mom first and has a "heart to heart " with my mom and gets my mom under her spell. Convinces my mom how worried she is for me and suggests to my mom maybe it might help if she were to reach out to me. I'm sure it melted my moms heart to have someone so "compassionate" as to go out of her way to "help" like that. My mom was all for it and Annie did just that.

She used the same bold approach and just comes to my door one day even though it had been 5+ years since I've seen her and the last time I saw her she put me in jail... that didn't even matter to her she still felt she had the right to just walk back into my life. He was under the impression that I would want her to help me through this rough time of mine, I did not and I expressed that to her. Then she does an instant 180 and pulls the victim card again. She starts to tell me she's I'm stuck in another controlling and subside relationship, except this time she's married. I did what I always do, I put my boundaries aside and offer to help and support her. I insist on strictly platonic approach. She made sure it didn't go that way. We end up having an affair and she ends up leaving her husband for me.

Shortly after moving in with her, things start to happen. First I had the most bizarre experience. I had a psychotic break from reality. Full blown hallucinations and everything. I thought the world was ending and reality as I knew it was dissolving. I was absolutely terrified. She sat there and watched me loose my mind showing no concern, just watching me like a lab rat. Then when I became too much to handle she just simply drops me off at my mothers house and doesn't say anything to her. Just drops me off.  My mom instantly took me to the hospital... they concluded I was having some kind of mental health crisis. But I start to come back to reality before I get locked up in the mental health unit...

I didn't know what to think... the thought of someone doing that to me was just incomprehensible and I just couldn't even consider it, I could never do such things to someone and I just naturally thought the same for her. After all she's been acting extremely nice and supportive of me so far. So I chalked it up to thinking maybe I've got some kind of mental health problem. 

Then at some point I started having full blown seizures out of nowhere. Just hit the floor and flop like a fish out of the water for 5-10 minutes at a time. Every time I'd come to and Annie would be there sitting on the floor crying by my side. It seemed odd but I just thought I must have got dealt a shit hand of cards. They kept happening snd got more and more frequent. Annie would come to all the doctor appoints and was more than happy to do all the talking. Seemed almost like she was making her own narrative.

Well at some point I find the prescription bottle of veterinary medicine in her drawer. I look into it and my heart just sinks and I'm instantly sick to my stomach with fear. This medicine was known for causing seizures in animals. This is what I needed to see to finally believe my gut... she had been inducing both the seizures and psychosis.

I didn't know what to do. I was terrified and I was too scared to do anything. I don't know how long it took me to finally approach her about it but when I did I had made a plan in my head to try to make her feel as comfortable as possible. I wanted her to believe I wasn't looking to get her in trouble (in fact I don't think i even did want to get her in trouble) I just wanted to understand how she could do this and above all else for it to just stop. Well she and I had many open conversations about it and she admitted on many occasions to drugging me with many different drugs stolen from the vet clinic she works at.

Long story short we are now separated and she is getting investigated for attempted murder snd she also has my kids and I haven't seen them in two weeks because I lashed out over the phone and threatened her. She's got a restraining order and is trying to both get me out away for breaking it and is also alienating me from the kids... I'm absolutely terrified and disgusted to think about what she might be saying to them at this point...

She will not stop trying to ruin me. And now she has an opportunity to really hurt me the worst way, using my children who I absolutely love to death and would do anything for.

I've been just hyperventilating and whaling for two weeks straight, mourning loosing my kids... the pain is unbearable At times.

[Thedevilwithin]

I also forgot to mention and while trying to not let this turn into a full blown novel, but at the time that she started to open up about what she had been/is doing was also the time she starts to express her darkside.

“I have a sick fascination with death” I remember hearing that sentence like it was yesterday. Bone chilling creepy. I’m that moment I knew she was a sociopath.

Later she actually starts to admit and actually use the word “sociopath” to describe herself. She starts to tell me disgusting details. She works in the animal field, not by accident. It’s an opportunity to satisfy her compulsive need to hurt and kill.

I knew something seemed off. But I didn’t know any better and was so scared and confused.

She’s so sick now I’m finally away from her I’m seeing everything clearly. Wish I would have back then.

[xredshoesx]

welcome to the group

there's always a lot to unpack with a relationship with a PD/ uPD person.  With as much as you've described it's good to get it off your chest- but i'm not sure what you want to happen next with this relationship.  you're saying you're not with her but she's clearly got a lot of space in your head still.

that's what we can help with- how to make sure she's not a presence in your thoughts and that you don't repeat this kind of relationship in the future with someone else.   

there's some concern for your safety as well- if she's had you put in jail once, what makes you think it won't happen again if you continue to engage with her?

[Thedevilwithin]

welcome to the group

there's always a lot to unpack with a relationship with a PD/ uPD person.  With as much as you've described it's good to get it off your chest- but i'm not sure what you want to happen next with this relationship.  you're saying you're not with her but she's clearly got a lot of space in your head still.

that's what we can help with- how to make sure she's not a presence in your thoughts and that you don't repeat this kind of relationship in the future with someone else.   

there's some concern for your safety as well- if she's had you put in jail once, what makes you think it won't happen again if you continue to engage with her?

Oh sorry I think I understand what you mean but I think you maybe don't understand where I'm at with the relationship... the relationship is absolutely over, with not a chance in hell of it ever being anything at all...

At this point it's just damage control... she's being investigated for attempted homicide and torture charges...

It took me so long to finally get to a place where're I wouldn't let her manipulating acts of kindness and fake displays of emotion fool me... her ultimate goal is to watch me suffer slowly and eventually die at her hand... sadly I also believe 100% that is the goal for her with our children aswell.

You see she spent the last three years in "remission " as I like to call it. I had got some evidence on her and used it as leverage to get her to stop hurting others... I fooled myself into thinking she is under control and safe to raise a family with (part of my stalkholm syndrome probably) now that I've made peace with the fact  we're never going to be a healthy and safe family I'm starting to see her as the person she was when she was torturing me... that is the, the person she is and always has been ...

My whole family has been fooled as well. We all know what she did and what she's capable of yet ae fooled ourselves into thinking she's different now.

So I'm not sure what I need from you guys. It would be nice to just be able to relate to another person that has dealt with a violent sociopath, and pick their brain...

My wife is in the middle of being exposed as such at a judicial level. Not just friends and family but she is facing criminal charges related to her crimes against humanity that will put her in the front page of the media assuming  she doesn't trick the system at thy is point... I do not see it possible and the detectives keep reassuring me she's done for. One or two weeks out from an arrest...

It's just this waiting period that is really crippling me. I've got video cameras installed bolting all the doors looking over my shoulder constantly... all things that I know sound like paranoia but when you've seen how she stalks and intimidates and attempts to take your life at the most unsuspecting times, the fear is real and rational...

So that's where I'm at now and I'm not sure what to do. It's hard to leave the house or get my dog out to go potty.