I've written about my being an introvert, I now think its not totally inherited

[Iamenoughmary]

I read some articles that said childhood trama,  and emotional neglect, can be a factor.  I think the neglect by my mother left me retreating and shutting down. I still do it and I'm not young.  She is in a NH a state away. I have visited, taken her out, but then she will make sure I know my brother and wife did more.  She does it every time!   So then I  goes back to thinking.... I'm never enough and hide in a book or music to forget what she does.  I know I just don't cope well after.  I can't pinpoint  my introvert personality to any relative. My father was a anxiety ridden nervous wreck, but I'm not sure if it came from him.  I'm still studying this and just had the thought that my mother being an extreme extrovert and her shaming me often was a factor.  Maybe I decided to not be like her and went the opposite! My ever spinning mind So much to read ahead. 

[Tribe16]

Nothing wrong with being an introvert. When are you at your happiest? Most peaceful? Most content? Be that person. 

[Iamenoughmary]

Of course nothing wrong with it! I am a deep thinker and trying to unravel some things. 

[SonofThunder]

👍

Mine is a combo of both, by nature (genes) and nurture (escaping trauma of uNPDf and uPDw). 

I recharge alone,

SoT

[moglow]

Also a lone recharger 🙋🏻‍♀️ Too much time "on" and around people, and I turn into someone I don't like. My brothers seem similar. Mother is without question a recluse, but we don't take it nearly that far.

[Srcyu]

Another introvert speaking.
I very recently googled The Dark Triad of personality types. I was intrigued to find a 'test' to see if you had a dark personality. It contained questions such as deliberately using people, feeling harsh emotions towards others and enjoyment of someone else's pain.

I took the test.

The results informed me that my personality type is 'lighter' than most other peoples.
Yours will be too probably. So there we have it - we are in the lighter zone.

[Iamenoughmary]

Many thanks for your replies  I think I am a combo too!  Recharging is so important to introverts.  I often need a week or more to get back to normal from a social event. etc!  I  do hope I'm in the lighter zone. I will check those tests out.  Honesty and openly talking with other introverts is so very helpful.

[Jolie40]

introvert here

don't believe that I'm shy, just that I prefer a lot of alone time
I'm up nights and sleep mornings
husband is not crazy about it cause on weekends kid & him have to wait 'til I'm up to do anything as a family

got this schedule so I could have more alone time
I enjoy the quietness of the night when all are sleeping!

[Iamenoughmary]

I love the quietness of the night also,  As introverts we have to do what gives us the most peace. Cheers to you for honoring who you are!  I'm  not shy either. I just get overwhelmed around people. The noise of loud people, makes me want the comfort of my quiet home and leaves me looking for an exit.   My husband and his whole family are very social and LOUD!   Then there's the camera that trails me around at any function. Its in my face all the time. I've told them I don't like pictures, but  they still totally disrespect my feelings.

Recently at a cookout, one lady was taking pictures of everything in sight!  She took a picture of the grill even!!  I did not understand that?  I gave up trying to explain who I am.  That day people would say to me "we never see you out anywhere" I thought SO WHAT!!,   I even said "I am an introvert, that's who I am " I think I may start shouting to the rooftops "I am an introvert, leave me alone"     Thank you for your input and I'm grateful to chat with other introverts. 

[SonofThunder]

Honesty and openly talking with other introverts is so very helpful.

I agree.  Knowing ourselves well, aligning with others and having open and accepting discussion is helpful.  As an introvert, the method by which I align and gather is also important. 

Although many of the posts are geared for a younger generation and mostly written by female contributors, i have enjoyed following along at www.introvertdear.com. 

In addition neverenoughmary, i found it helpful in understanding myself, to explore HSP's.  I read Dr Elaine Aron's foundational book "The Highly Sensitive Person' and can align much with traits of HSP's.   Again, i believe a HSP trait combo of nature/nurture (genes/trauma) but that high-radar, high sensitive understanding has been very helpful for me in combo with my INTJ nature. 

I am able to say yes and no to activities much better, as I cater to both introversion and HSP in my life.

SoT

[Iamenoughmary]

Thank you!  The link looks very good. I briefly went there and plan on going there today to read more.  I have heard of Elaine Aron's book. There's so much to learn and I'm so grateful SOT for your help

[NarcKiddo]

I don't know if I am naturally an introvert or not.

What I do know is that my hyper vigilance and inability to trust anyone means that any social interaction is at best unfulfilling because I'm not fully participating emotionally. So I don't seek out social interaction.

[Pepin]

I prefer a ton of alone time.  I think better and care for myself better when I get alone time.  That being said, having been the product of abandonment, I always felt that I was on the side doing my own thing around other people.  Always wanted to fit in but was unable to because of my family life when I was younger.  I didn't want others to see the dysfunction.  As an adult now, I do crave certain interactions with people -- yet I do it on my terms.  I know when I have to make a presence and when to speak up.  And due to my older age now, I feel at peace to speak up or call others out when necessary -- and they can't shut me up once I've gotten going.  I am an introvert at heart but I can be extroverted around certain people: and that would be people that I like. 

[SonofThunder]

I prefer a ton of alone time.  I think better and care for myself better when I get alone time.

....and they can't shut me up once I've gotten going.  I am an introvert at heart but I can be extroverted around certain people: and that would be people that I like.

Those comments are very introvert-aligning.  Here's one article (of many) from introvertdear.com that speaks to those comments.

https://introvertdear.com/news/why-introverts-dont-consider-everyone-their-friend/

SoT

[Pepin]

I prefer a ton of alone time.  I think better and care for myself better when I get alone time.

....and they can't shut me up once I've gotten going.  I am an introvert at heart but I can be extroverted around certain people: and that would be people that I like.

Those comments are very introvert-aligning.  Here's one article (of many) from introvertdear.com that speaks to those comments.

https://introvertdear.com/news/why-introverts-dont-consider-everyone-their-friend/

SoT

Yes.....I know so many people yet I keep my circle very small.  And even then.....I cannot share with my dearest friends everything I come here to share.  my friends would be devastated knowing what I've been living with.  And they probably wouldn't know how to handle it either.  That being said, I haven't met someone yet that I would consider my truest and realest friend that I could share anything with.  I'm hoping in the next phase of my life, that I will find that person...and that would require a relocation when I can get DH on board.     

[Iamenoughmary]

I am loving all the replies and insight!  I'm learning so much. Pepin, I also cannot tell my  two friends the things I share here. I did try and they don't understand. I thought they were ignoring but I think they don't know what to say. Needless to say my circle is small and getting smaller, That's ok by me!  I did speak up a few times this past year. They just didn't respond other than  the one who said I need a shrink...lol!!  I never felt I could fit in.   The odd thing is I can have a short conversation with a stranger in a store and be very nice and kind, but try to get into a deep talk with a friend, they cant cope.  I stopped trying. I realize I don't need them now.

NarcKIddo, I relate. Trust is very difficult for me. It has been two years of not really trusting anyone.  I never seek social interaction. I am calm at home, though don't knock on my door or call me..and I've read that those two things are classic in introverts.  I also read that an event getting canceled brings much relief.  I used to feel I was a very messed up person. I realize that I just tried to be like everyone else and it weighed me down most of my life.  I am now honoring who I am

SOT, Your links are so very helpful. Thank YOU!

Windmill, moglow, jolie40, Tribe16, grateful for all of you. I feel less alone now in my quiet little world. You have helped so much. I like my alone time, but sharing your thoughts here is so welcome. Often feeling like a mishap this chat here validates. Thank you

[SonofThunder]

I am loving all the replies and insight!  I'm learning so much. Pepin, I also cannot tell my  two friends the things I share here. I did try and they don't understand. I thought they were ignoring but I think they don't know what to say. Needless to say my circle is small and getting smaller, That's ok by me!  I did speak up a few times this past year. They just didn't respond other than  the one who said I need a shrink...lol!!  I never felt I could fit in.   The odd thing is I can have a short conversation with a stranger in a store and be very nice and kind, but try to get into a deep talk with a friend, they cant cope.  I stopped trying. I realize I don't need them now.

NarcKIddo, I relate. Trust is very difficult for me. It has been two years of not really trusting anyone.  I never seek social interaction. I am calm at home, though don't knock on my door or call me..and I've read that those two things are classic in introverts.  I also read that an event getting canceled brings much relief.  I used to feel I was a very messed up person. I realize that I just tried to be like everyone else and it weighed me down most of my life.  I am now honoring who I am

SOT, Your links are so very helpful. Thank YOU!

Windmill, moglow, jolie40, Tribe16, grateful for all of you. I feel less alone now in my quiet little world. You have helped so much. I like my alone time, but sharing your thoughts here is so welcome. Often feeling like a mishap this chat here validates. Thank you

  Glad to read you feel validated, less alone and honorably comfortable with who you are ☺️

SoT

[1footouttadefog]

I think I introversion can be many different things depending on the person and their circumstances.

If I was surrounded by people from whom I could expect extreme or unsafe, or negative feeling responses, I would tend to be introverted around them. 

My Out of the FOG self, at some point I might ask why I even bother being around them at all.

As with others above I will advise that you should be as introverted or extroverted as is needed to be your happiest self.

Also re-evaluating all for ends and relative relationships for abuse, and invalidation and things like that then adjusting the types of and frequency of interactions until they are healthy relationships can help a lot.

[butterflyrainbow]

neverenoughmary, ( and everyone who responded)

All these posts resonate with me. I'm also an introvert, shy too, most of the time. I've come to believe that some is inherited, but much of it was born of fear and a desire to escape getting into trouble and the inevitable yelling and "spankings". I had no grownups I could really trust with my deepest thoughts and feelings. So I think I learned to just keep my heart to myself. Sharing wasn't safe.

Even posting this feels scary.

[SonofThunder]

neverenoughmary, ( and everyone who responded)

All these posts resonate with me. I'm also an introvert, shy too, most of the time. I've come to believe that some is inherited, but much of it was born of fear and a desire to escape getting into trouble and the inevitable yelling and "spankings". I had no grownups I could really trust with my deepest thoughts and feelings. So I think I learned to just keep my heart to myself. Sharing wasn't safe.

Even posting this feels scary.

Butterflyrainbow,

Let me first say another warm welcome to Out of the FOG and Im glad you are here.  In addition, its always a pleasure to have another introvert along on the journey.  I have fully accepted the Myers-Briggs personality type indicator for myself, of INTJ.

Like you, a combo of nurture and nature, and I embrace that fact in myself.  I believe for me, that the nature/nurture balance is a good thing. The nurture side of my introversion is my own experiences (trauma and escape to peace like you) and so I accept those experiences as a part of who I am.  But, I also know that since I am in control of my future, and especially now that I am not living in the fear, obligation and guilt (fog) because of my education and awareness on PD, introversion and personality types, that my future may be a fun and self-guided adventure. 

I am now better able to say yes to specific experiences that I believe well-fit my personality type, and no to experiences that are a poor fit.  Also, I can do some exploration in the future-nurture of myself, pushing myself up to the edge of my introversion, but remaining in safe zones. 

I have fun with experimentation, and even experimenting with changes in personal style.  Sometimes, I feel emboldened toward leaning into new experiences, if I am also exploring in other areas as well, such as clothing choices, hairstyle and other very personal choices.  I also receive a bit of energy when I am traveling in an area where nobody knows who I am, which allows me to explore and experiment some, without feeling constrained to a stereotype that may exist around others who know me well. 

I want to encourage us introverts to boldly accept who we are, and be so comfortable in our own skin; so self-loving of who we are, that we can boldly explore in any areas we desire to roam, knowing ourselves so well, that we dont allow ourselves to get out of our comfort zone, yet are fully free! 

SoT