Jealous of Engagement gift

[Srcyu]

I've just read a really interesting thread about bad gift giving from our parents.
Here's a story with a different twist to it.

When I became engaged my future husband and I received lots of nice gifts. I stored them for a short while in mother's front(best) room. They were on display for people to see because she did a tea party thing for her church friends.

She had admired a set of towels that a friend of hers had given us.  She announced to me that because she had allowed me to use her front room she was going to take those towels on holiday (vacation) with her!
So she did.
Then she washed them and handed them back.

Totally, totally weird.
After no contact, I referred to her as The Mad Woman.

[Catothecat]

Total boundary stomping.

When I married my (now ex)NPDh, his mother, who was his primary enabler and a narc, literally took some of my wedding presents which had been delivered to her house and told me she was keeping them "for now" because they were "safer" there.  Needless to say, I never got them back, and their existence was never again mentioned although I'd see them every time we visited her.  Naturally my exh was just fine with her behavior. 

That was one of the early red flags of things to come...

[Srcyu]

It was boundary stomping Catothecat, you are so right.

We were so pliable then - keeping your gifts 'for now' unbelievable people. I'm sorry he waved red flags around. It's a wonder we ever get to see clearly at all with all the red flapping about.

[Starboard Song]

Oh the flags!

We look back now and see different times we should have gone hard on boundaries and accepted the consequences. I'd go back a full decade further than we did, and I have no doubt that a firm stand on our boundaries at that time would have ended with NC while my son was only 3.

What a different world that would have been!

That said, it is not normal to have to go NC. This is strange. We want the normal condition to be a high tolerance for weirdo humans. Because lots of humans are weirdos, and most are sometimes weird. It is only in retrospect that we see how deeply wrong these scenarios were, and how beyond help.

If I could go back I would stand on those boundaries early, but I'd do so with great kindness and humility, again trying to maintain the relationship. Only when the other party consistently makes our boundaries indefensible would I move forward to NC. We had to do that in the end. I am glad we had the courage to do it when the time came knocking on our door.

[escapingman]

Oh the flags!

We look back now and see different times we should have gone hard on boundaries and accepted the consequences. I'd go back a full decade further than we did, and I have no doubt that a firm stand on our boundaries at that time would have ended with NC while my son was only 3.

What a different world that would have been!

That said, it is not normal to have to go NC. This is strange. We want the normal condition to be a high tolerance for weirdo humans. Because lots of humans are weirdos, and most are sometimes weird. It is only in retrospect that we see how deeply wrong these scenarios were, and how beyond help.

If I could go back I would stand on those boundaries early, but I'd do so with great kindness and humility, again trying to maintain the relationship. Only when the other party consistently makes our boundaries indefensible would I move forward to NC. We had to do that in the end. I am glad we had the courage to do it when the time came knocking on our door.

So true. First red flag with STBX was on our third or fourth date, I remembering it clearly, but I had no idea about PD so let it go.

[Cat of the Canals]

 

This, as with many PD quirks makes me think, "This is behavior I'd expect from a child." Honestly, not being able to keep your hands off other people's property? Kindergarten stuff.

[moglow]

Windmill, I have some hard sarcastic inside. I'd have handed those right back - no, no. You keep them. I'll buy my own thank you.


RUDE.

[Srcyu]

Moglow, I would love to have said something sharp, truthful and stinging. She still had her claws in me at that point. I was confused and mystified (foggy even).

As usual I appreciate your thoughts.

[Srcyu]

Cat of the Canals,

It was pure infantile behaviour. You are so right.