A little triggered by ds

[Associate of Daniel]

Not his fault at all, but I'm surprised by my reaction.

Ds15 was very tired.  He'd just spent a large amount of time setting up something on social media to advertise a fundraising event he and a schoolmates have organised as part of a school assessment.

He realised as I was talking to him about it that he had made a mistake that needed to be fixed asap.

He thought it would take him a long time to fix it.

He went quiet and got a little short with me, and wouldn't explain it to me.

For some reason it transported me back to my marriage to his UNPD father, over 10 years ago.

He would do this silent stuff, but in a condescending way, and it could last for weeks.  Eventually it turned permanent.

I had a bit of a physical reaction to ds doing it tonight. I plastered a smile on my face but felt sick to the stomache. And I removed myself from his space so that he could get on with the job.

Thankfully he managed to fix the problem quickly and he immediately bounced back to being his usual beautiful self.

The relief I felt was palpable.

I'm so proud of my boy.  He really did nothing wrong and there's nothing to pull him up for.  There is no apology necessary.

I'm just very surprised at my reaction.

I guess there is a lot going on between his UNPD father and me at the moment, which probably caused this little bump to create this reaction in me.

Anyway.

I just thought I'd process a little here.  Thanks for reading.

AOD

[Starboard Song]

I'm so proud of my boy.  He really did nothing wrong and there's nothing to pull him up for.  There is no apology necessary.

I'm just very surprised at my reaction.

I guess there is a lot going on between his UNPD father and me at the moment, which probably caused this little bump to create this reaction in me.

When I began reading, I was worried about where we were headed. I've seen it: someone had a certain expression on their face, or certain tone to their voice, and we just know they have a PD or whatever. Maybe they hate us now, or feel superior. I was really afraid we were heading there.

But we weren't! You are a hero!

You recognized a hint of a horrible pattern you were formerly subjected to, and it aroused those old memories and defensive reactions, which is totally normal. And then you took time to process, and you didn't ruminate or rouse up anger against DS. Instead, you maintained an even keel, receptive to your wonderful son when you saw that he was back to normal, and it was only a bump.

Please take a moment to commend yourself for outstanding healing. I swear there are those for whom the scars are too strong, and it only makes their hurt continue to resonate.

Well done, you!

[Associate of Daniel]

Thanks, Starboard.

Funny - even though I posted this in the Working On Us section, I wasn't thinking much about the situation in terms of the extent of my healing.

I think I was just surprised at my response to ds. And how proud I am of him for regulating himself so quickly.

It's been over 10 years since I've dealt with this behaviour from his UNPD father so my emotional flashback caught me by surprise.

But you're right about how much I've healed.  Thank-you for the reminder.

I'm very thankful for that but also thankful for the privilege of being mum to a really wonderful young man.

AOD