not knowing much else of what to do (tw: brief mention of SA and suicide)

[xXSinfulXx]

uh, hello i guess, i came here because honestly im not sure where else or what to do at this point. ive been struggling with a myriad of conditions, bpd, c-ptsd, autism, adhd, epilepsy, various issues in relation to a possible auto immune disorder (thought to be lupus), and have just been on a steady decline for a long time (albeit, i never really was in a great place to start). therapy unfortunately isnt a realistic option at this point due to possible backlash from family, financial reasons and an inability to have a safe space to attend. ive tried to get help from close friends and online communities but ive had to cut off a large portion; almost all of them as of recent due to, whether it was intentional of them or not, only contributing to this loop of trauma ive been stuck in. and i recognize that part of that was a lack of accomodation and support that was promised but never delivered, and part of it was unattainable or unrealistic needs and complex issues i have. i also am not able to do much locally and am mostly stuck at home as, due to my disabilities and especially epilepsy, i am currently unable to work and most importantly, get reliable transport apart from relying on family which, often comes with some form of ridicule or open annoyance at me requiring said help. all of this which has been going on a long time, paired with not only a history but recent run in with sexual assault has driven me to the edge recently to the point i have considered attempting multiple times. i really do want to get better but i am at a loss of a way to do it, ive tried just about any and every medication my psych would allow me and any other medical therapy ive found they simply will not allow me. ive tried many self help books and many of the options they suggested in it, both personally and with trying to ask for help from others and have seen nothing out of it. ive gotten better with treating myself better in my head but given the outward, family and home and social issues only perpetuating things, it hasnt done much for me. im just lost, it seems like every avenue and option has SOMETHING that is preventing it from working for me despite trying over and over so i came here just hoping there would be anything

[Srcyu]

Hi, I've found your post first but other people here will step forward to try and help you.
You've found a really good forum with some very insightful and well informed members.  There is a sister forum called Out of the Storm which may also be able to support you. They deal with c-ptsd.

You are struggling with so many things and mainly on your own. I hope one of the key members here can help you very soon.

[xredshoesx]

Hi xXSinfulXx and welcome to Out of the FOG -

From your post we can see you are going through a lot right now and commend you for reaching out, however from what you shared, this may not be the best place to get the support you need.

Because you have identified yourself as someone who suffers from BPD  we want to make sure you're aware of a couple of things as you settle in.

Out of the FOG is a community dedicated to offering support and information to people who have a loved one or family member who suffers from a personality disorder. That doesn't necessarily exclude those who also have a PD from participating but the rule is we come here to discuss our relationship issues as they pertain to the other people in our lives with a PD, and not PD recovery issues as they pertain to the self. If you suffer from, or suspect you suffer from a personality disorder, we welcome your participation as long as the discussion still revolves around dealing with the loved ones in your life with a PD and not on your own recovery from a PD.   

Also, we'd like you to be aware that people at a site like this are often hurting a great deal.  They come here needing a safe place to vent about how they may have been hurt by the person in their life with a PD.  At times, these comments can be harsh. Reading them may trigger you, if you are not far enough along in your own recovery to let these comments pass without becoming upset or attempting to speak on behalf of others with personality disorders.

Thanks for your understanding, and again Welcome to Out of the FOG.