Holidays and updH

[11JB68]

The holiday season is a challenge.  He stresses about spending money.  Then keeps adding things to the list of what HE wants for Xmas. Past few years it's just been he and I and ds for Thanksgiving.  Yes some was due to covid, but also our tiny world....updh alienating friends and family,  not wanting to go elsewhere as he prefers my cooking etc etc.  To me holidays were always about gathering with people.  If I'm cooking for Thanksgiving for just 3 I've cooked a chicken vs turkey (smaller). This came up last night.  This morning he took a very aggressive tone/ stance and insisted that we have turkey for Thanksgiving.  Ok... so 1) he could have brought this up when I went grocery shopping over the weekend,  2) he is griping about money,  this is more expensive and I had to throw out the chicken I bought cuz no room in fridge for both 3) he probably won't be willing to eat the leftovers 4)I was lucky to find a smallish fresh turkey.... if all that was left were large frozen ones I'd barely have time to thaw it.... and also he just sort of acted angry about it as I washeading out to work in the am.... but tonight it was 'well in sorry but as long as we are having one' (everything's fine as long as he gets what he wants)....
My favorite part of Thanksgiving is pumpkin pie.... he hates it.  I haven't had pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving for years... but I don't throw a tantrum about it
Frustrating.
MCd it but did what he wanted since arguing would totally ruin the holiday

[Associate of Daniel]

So frustrating for you!

My immediate thought is... make/buy yourself a small pumpkin pie.  One large enough for 3 slices, so you can offer him one if he complains.

What's the worst he'd do if he knew you'd done so?

My guess is, if he doesn't have that to complain about, he'll complain about something else anyway.

Or do you think the consequences for your "rebelling" would be too severe?

AOD

[11JB68]

Oh I could definitely buy myself a pie. It would be fine. I just don't want a whole pie in the house that only I will eat, and can't see wasting $$ on something that will go in the trash after I eat my one small piece.
It's more the point that we are supposed to be adults and when it's something I 'want' but don't 'need' he makes it out like I'm being unreasonable or illogical etc. But when it's something HE wants - well it has to be, and I have to make it happen.

[moglow]

Buy/make the pie and enjoy the whole damn thing! It's a nice breakfast treat when warmed up with your morning tea/coffee, a little snack for whenever. Remember just because he/anyone has a list doesn't mean they have to get everything on it. It's a wish list, not mandatory - AND he's not a toddler. I'm just contrary enough that I'd come up with something not on the list just because I can. You don't want the gift? Fine, I'll donate it. As I eat another slice of my pie ...
Changes in attitude here 

[Associate of Daniel]

Maybe you could buy/make a pie and share it with your neighbours or co workers.

I really want you to have that pie. 

I'm thinking of it as a symbol. A small act that might start you on a journey of healing.  A change in attitude, as Moglow says.

I'd even eat one for you if I liked it enough. Maybe I'll have a mince pie in your honour instead.

AOD

[square]

I took your pie comment as just an example of a thing you could make a world-ending big deal over but you just feel like a pie is not practical so you don't get a pie.

In your shoes, I wouldn't want a pie, I'd just want a nice TG with the chicken you bought and the right amont of leftovers and nobody holding me hostage over whims the vast majority of adults wouldn't entertain.

And, you know, maybe some frickin appreciation. Just a teeny bit. Maybe.

[Poison Ivy]

 

[escapingman]

There is nothing worse than celebrations with a PD, Christmas has been my absolute nightmare celebration for years. As I now my STBX would always get into a childish tantrum at some point I started doing whatever I liked. If I in you example still did the chicken, I would be complained at, if I changed and did the turkey the problem would be the dessert, if it wasn't the dessert it would be that I ate the turkey to slow so she had to wait for the dessert, or that I didn't eat enough of the dessert and made her feel guilty for eating it, and so on..... But you get my point, just do what you want, if it is a problem maybe he could cook?

I am so looking forward to celebrating my first Christmas without STBX for over 15 years. I can already feel the peace.

[11JB68]

Update,  made a pumpkin pie on Xmas and ds and I enjoyed it

[Associate of Daniel]

Excellent!  Methinks it was the best you've ever tasted.  Good on you!

AOD

[Poison Ivy]

Hurray!