Cannot get over the injustice of the situation

[Gonna]

I have been consistently attracting some or the other personality disordered partners. From antisocial to attention seekers to narsistic personality disorder. Everytime I feel like now this won't happen again...

I have been to therapy for two years now... But I just fail to understand what self love is... I'm tired of loosing so many times in love. I have grown so impatient in love that even if i find a good partner i become impatient.

A lot of my friends are single but they are much more calm and patient because they had some good expierence in love. All i have had in love are mind games and i have been so involved in protecting myself from all those situations that I have deprived myself from love support and everything possibly sweet.

I'm tired of therapist asking me to work on self love. When I clearly can't understand what love by itself is...

I understand and also realise that it's me who has to work my issues but I'm just too tired to just too much.... And the what hurts more is that the ones who did wrong are having a wonderful life... I just cannot get over the unfairness of the situation it is just keeping me stuck... Like anything!!!

I tried to be in no contact with my love intrest for three whole months...

And i have tried the no contact several times but it just doesn't seem to  work... CI fall back into contacting them... Time and again... And it frustrates me like anything...

Esp when I am in no contact and i time and again remeber the pain i feel and the inhuman non regretful feeling they have... Moreover, the worst feeling i have in me is because i feel like she murdered me emotionally psychologically and looks like a normal happy family who did nothing has friends and a happy life without absolutely no regrets while i can do ABSOLUTELY ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TOMAKE HER FEEL THE HURT I FEEL... THIS FEELING OF INJUSTICE JUST NEVER EVER EVER LEAVES ME NO MATTER WHAT I DO !!!!! NO MATTER WHAT !!!!

[bloomie]

Hi Gonna. Welcome to Out of the FOG.

There is a lot of pain and frustration in your intro post. I am so sorry that you have been let down and disappointed and so deeply hurt by those you have attempted to build loving relationships with.

I sure can understand it when therapy can only do so much for us and we find ourselves nose against the brick wall of loss. For most of us here, it takes many spokes on the healing wheel to get our lives back to moving forward. Some things that have helped me, along with therapy, are books and online videos that are really helpful, in real life mentoring and a trusted group of people to find insights and tools to heal and move forward with.

A really good resource for me recently has been The Crappy Childhood Fairy. Her vids on Youtube are free and she has a daily practice that she offers at no cost that I have found really helpful.

And the resources here at Out of the FOG - the toolbox and other online resources are also places you can begin to grow and learn and find a way to shift your focus from what others have or what they are doing to what you can control which is only and always ourselves.

I hope you find your time here to be encouraging and a good support as you take important steps to heal and recover from the hurt you have experienced.

[Starboard Song]

Moreover, the worst feeling i have in me is because i feel like she murdered me emotionally psychologically and looks like a normal happy family who did nothing has friends and a happy life without absolutely no regrets while i can do ABSOLUTELY ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TOMAKE HER FEEL THE HURT I FEEL... THIS FEELING OF INJUSTICE JUST NEVER EVER EVER LEAVES ME NO MATTER WHAT I DO !!!!! NO MATTER WHAT !!!!

Welcome to Out of the FOG. A lot of us get it. Many of us have been there, or to a similar place. You are safe here.

I called out that last paragraph for this reason: I believe we are happiest when we define the injustice only in terms of ourselves. Defined that way, we can climb out of the injustice by improving our own lives. When we define it in terms of others, now we have an uglier situation: an injustice that seems to require them to be worse off. That makes us more into anger pits, and that is never rewarding.

As you learn how to heal, let me place this out there: it sounds like she is in your past, or ought to be. And whether she is happy or respected, or seems normal and polite, whether she has regrets or not -- none of this, I'd propose, should be of interest to you.

"May you feel safe. May you feel peace." These are the mantras of mindful meditation. And as we advance we get to where we can genuinely hope that even our antagonists feel safety and peace. By granting them this we release a lot of our own pain. Anyway, that has worked for me and my wife. I recommend Mindfulness and Radical Acceptance and the Book of Joy. They all helped the two of us in their own different ways.

Whatever route you go, please leave this other person behind you: wish them peace, and move on to find your own.

Be good. Be strong.