Thoughts while walking my dog

[wisingup]

I have a new puppy that has terrible leash skills - he about pulls my arm off trying to get where we're going.  We're a few days in to a training program where I'm reigning him in when he pulls, then he can move forward once there is some slack on the leash.  There are some other parts to the training too, with the end goal that he will walk comfortably beside me on the leash.  I can see some improvement after just a few sessions.

For some reason, this made me think of my relationship with my mom.  She goes full steam ahead with her BPD behaviors unless held back in some way.  Then when the hold slackens, she is off again.  Unlike my puppy, there is no learning or changing even though the BPD behaviors are counter-productive to everything she says she wants

She does try sometimes to maintain a calmer, friendlier relationship, but then SQUIRREL!  in the form of some life issue and off she goes again.

Lol, probably not the best analogy but I have made more progress with the puppy in a few days than with my mom in a lifetime.

[easterncappy]

Try the peanut butter spoon. Just a cooking spoon you hold next to you at the height of the dog while you walk. Helped mine out, I learned it from a really good dog trainer. If only I could have used a peanut butter spoon to lead my mom to make morally reasonable decisions, lol. I can relate to them "getting better" for hours or even days at a time, and then "ooh squirrel" at the first sight of something that would be abusive or dramatic and scratch their stupid itch.

[NarcKiddo]

One aspect of dog training I have been able to put to use with my uNPD mother (a bit) is the issue of giving attention. Getting cross with puppy is still attention in the puppy's book and does not do anything to stop undesirable behaviour. Ignoring bad behaviour or giving consistent unwelcome consequences (such as a time out) plus making good behaviour fun and worthwhile worked so much quicker. In effect, grey rock the hell out of the bad behaviour! Sadly, with my mother, making good behaviour fun and worthwhile does not work very well as she has her own weird ideas of what is fun and worthwhile. Ideas which I do not share in any particular.

[wisingup]

Try the peanut butter spoon. Just a cooking spoon you hold next to you at the height of the dog while you walk. Helped mine out, I learned it from a really good dog trainer.

Interesting!  I will give it a try.

Ignoring bad behaviour or giving consistent unwelcome consequences (such as a time out) plus making good behaviour fun and worthwhile worked so much quicker. In effect, grey rock the hell out of the bad behaviour!

Sadly, I've had no luck in getting my mom to change her behavior.  If anything, it gets worse when she gets angry at me for not just going along with her as I used to do.  If I had been able to start earlier, before she decided I was a pushover, maybe it would have worked but I was just a kid without any resources.  I have to say though, that I've lost all interest in improving our relationship at this point.  I just want to keep her at arm's length and avoid her as much as possible.  The "squirrel" episodes where she loses it over and over without regard to the damage to others have trained ME to think of her as a ticking time bomb & the best course of action is to stay far away.

Lol, I told her a few years ago that I thought of her as a ticking time bomb & she denied that she ever "exploded" the way I claimed & suggested I get help.  Thank goodness my brother, my DH & my mom's sister all knew exactly what I meant so I didn't let her gaslight me.

Geez, sometimes I read back over the things I write and wonder why I still talk to her at all.  It's so hard to fully extricate yourself from these relationships cuz "she's your mooooommmm".

[Cat of the Canals]

I've lost count of the number of times my husband and I have remarked, "Our dog is more capable of learning than my/your mother." And he is stuuuuuubborn.

[Preamble]

No self-awareness.  The first step is to understand we (not just the others) did something.  The next step is to notice we have just done it again.   Then we notice we are about to do it again, but we can't stop ourselves.  Then we notice and stop in time, and are shocked by the feelings that we were trying to avoid by doing the thing.  Then we break down (or not) and process the feelings.

It is the first step that is the doozy

[Jolie40]

hope you're using a harness on your puppy rather than a neck collar

we have a puppy & the harness works well when walking
a leash hooks to the harness
since the harness is on the body, there is better control

also, keep dog walking on sidewalk, not on grass or curb
let dog go potty in your yard before walking

good luck

[Cat of the Canals]

Piggybacking on what Jolie40 said: my dog isn't a puppy, but he's always been a "puller." After five years of fighting him on walks, I switched to a "front clip harness." It has a clip for his leash right in the center of his chest. What happens when he pulls now is his own momentum swings him around to face me, which makes it nearly impossible to KEEP pulling. He has to keep readjusting (not what he wants). In literally a matter of days, he stopped pulling and learned to allow some slack in the leash by walking beside me.