Find the why

[FuzzyBunny]

Hour in my day. She refused any attempts by me to be intimate and then went into verbally abusing me for 15 minutes (very subtle of course at times and darn rude at others), she left the room for 10 minutes, returned and immediately switched into being loving and kind, rubbed my back, stroked my hair and then proceeded to show me all the new sexy clothes she bought yesterday. I was busy working on the computer and she made sure that I saw every piece of clothing she put on.
I learned long ago. Don't worry about what others say about you or do, instead find the why. People tend to take things others say personally and they get so wrapped up in what the other person did or said that we do not take the time to find the why. When you understand the why, you know the motivation and believe me this is like opening a treasure chest. It gives you the power of knowledge.
The only power others have is the power you give them.
The why in this case? To punish me, of course.

[Lookin 2 B Free]

I guess when you're speaking of the why you mean finding the game, the hidden motive, seeing through the other's behavior.

Why the need to punish?  Why the undermining of the other's good fortune?  Why the depriving another of something they want or need merely for the sake of  depriving them, even though it doesn't benefit the depriver at all?

Yeah, it's not personal.  The love bombing's not either.  I thought it was enough to see that.  That knowing that was saving me from having that behavior tear down my self-esteem and I could just stick around and try to get him some help.  Knowing it wasn't about me did make a big difference.  But sticking around was still detrimental to my feelings of self worth.  This may not be true for everyone, but there was healing it just wasn't possible for me to do until I left. 

You don't deserve to be punished and jerked around, FB.  None of us do.  May we all find something better than that!

[escapingman]

I guess when you're speaking of the why you mean finding the game, the hidden motive, seeing through the other's behavior.

Why the need to punish?  Why the undermining of the other's good fortune?  Why the depriving another of something they want or need merely for the sake of  depriving them, even though it doesn't benefit the depriver at all?

Yeah, it's not personal.  The love bombing's not either.  I thought it was enough to see that.  That knowing that was saving me from having that behavior tear down my self-esteem and I could just stick around and try to get him some help.  Knowing it wasn't about me did make a big difference.  But sticking around was still detrimental to my feelings of self worth.  This may not be true for everyone, but there was healing it just wasn't possible for me to do until I left. 

You don't deserve to be punished and jerked around, FB.  None of us do.  May we all find something better than that!

I knew exactly what was going on, but my Fight or flight response kicked in anyway and closed off the part of the brain that knew. So even though I should have acted different, I couldn't.

Everybody to themselves, maybe some can do it, I certainly couldn't.

Good luck to you FB, I know what you are going through and my thoughts are with you.