Hi, I'm new and really wanting to change

[CoffeeCakes]

Hi. I am new to posting but I have been reading for a few weeks. Please know, I have several health obstacles that affect my posts. 1. I am vision impaired and 2. I have some memory loss and combined with my vision I struggle with acronyms. You can imagine what my time as a military wife went. 

My mother is my person with a personality disorder. PD? I am almost 50, with many health obstacles and I am perimenopausal. I often have to remind myself that my mother has been this way since I was a child. Partly because of the peri, but I am thinking I have also been gaslighted into thinking this is all me, all in my head. After all, my health obstacles have all been about her, and I am just the "job that she was given."

I am not innocent in all this either. Due to other abuse as a child I lash out, and jump to allowing my anger to take a front seat. I don't like that about myself and am genuinely working to not have that be my knee jerk reaction.

After a big blow out last week, we have come to an agreement. Before, since I am disabled I was required to call her daily and check in. Despite my being married for 13 years. She doesn't want to hear about how it's really going however. She doesn't want to hear about my health at all, or anything I am interested in, or what's going on in the news. I am expected to just listen to her play by play of her grocery shopping, and about how she can't sleep and how I have no idea what she is going through now that she is retired. Funny. I've been disabled my entire adult life. If anyone understands what its like to be stuck at home, it would be me. So we have decided despite her hate of text messaging, we can use that to check in. We can chat once or twice a week on the phone and every once in awhile get together for lunch. I asked for this. I am not ready to go no contact, but I also refuse to be manipulated abused any longer. I don't know how this will go, but I am going to try and not focus on that and just take each day with her as it comes. I plan on reading more in the forum here, and learning more about myself so I can respond, rather than react.

Anyway, thank you for having this forum. It was recommended and one of the most helpful things anyone has ever done for me. And, thank you for listening. I feel so alone, despite being surrounded by people that love me.

[Starboard Song]

I feel so alone, despite being surrounded by people that love me.

You are not alone. You are surrounded by more people who love you than you know.

Welcome to Out of the FOG.

Head over to our Toolbox to find good background reading. When you're ready, there are lots of tactics on the What To Do page that may be relevant to you. And when you are really ready, find our topical board that most resonates for you. You can read and share or just read for a while: whatever is right for you.

The Dealing With PD Parents board may be the right place for you. But look around. We also try to do some personal care and healing here.

Be good. Be strong. Welcome.