Mentally preparing for uNPD MIL’s upcoming visit

[Breakthrough]

My husband invited his parents to visit.  It will be for a few days over Christmas, and hopefully he'll do everything (I told him he had to if they were coming, last time he hid and left me to deal with them).  I am already dreading her manipulations and her trying to make me responsible for how often my husband and kids see her (newsflash lady, your son refuses to work so has way more free time than me, so if he's not going to see you that's his choice, but of course she can't face that fact, it has to be evil me somehow)    . 

Just mentally preparing and also getting my rude on, being overly polite to her in the past has gotten me in trouble, I plan to have selective hearing this time, if she tries to carry on a conversation about pushing me to get her son to do something, I will just walk out of the room, and make my husband clean up or whatever else I am doing at the time.  Instead of politely responding to her pushiness that just keeps going until she either gets her way or drives the person away.  I will just exit stage right at the beginning and skip to being driven away.  She's not polite to me, so I don't need to be either.  The fact that she's my MIL does not obligate me to take any nonsense from her. 

I just hate having to be on my toes all the time since she'll be here.  I plan to use the lock on my bedroom door frequently and to rest in there on my own.  My husband can fend for himself, my kids I will let in, but onky if they come alone 🤣.  So far my kids like her (she is extremely annoying to me, and I don't trust her around my kids, but she won't be going anywhere alone with them).

Just writing this down helps me feel better about having to deal with her.  I appreciate any other suggestions.

[Pepin]

Jerry Wise MA. MS, CLC just came out with a video 2 days ago on YouTube called 11 Ways To Survive The Holidays With Your Family.  I just listened to it and I think it is excellent.  Kris Godinez on her podcast We Need to Talk also recently covered the holidays called Surviving the Holiday!!  Also excellent.  I have recently started listening to Jerry Wise again and I love how direct and concise he is.  Needed to be reminded again about how necessary it is to respond non-reactively to toxic people.  He had me laughing so hard and clapping my hands with that particular podcast.  Hope these help.  Patrick Teahan is also a must with his coverage of surviving the holidays- also on YouTube.   

[lkdrymom]

If your MIL starts telling you what you need to get hubby to do, call hubby over and tell him his mom has something to say to him.

I did that with a relative that wanted me to say something difficult to my father...I called my father over while they were there and said they had something to say to him then I walked away.

[Cat of the Canals]

If your MIL starts telling you what you need to get hubby to do, call hubby over and tell him his mom has something to say to him.

I love this as a solution to "in-person" triangulation. 

[Cat of the Canals]

I meant to add this and forgot:
I would get yourself a good book, a nice candle, maybe some snacks. If you have a hobby like knitting or something like that, stash a project in your room. That way, if you do need to retreat to your room for a while, you have a nice space all ready to relax in.

I have a home office and I move everything in there when my in-laws visit so I can retreat to my little fortress when necessary.

[Breakthrough]

Thanks for the helpful advice. Their flight was cancelled due to weather, so they didn't come.  It was sad but I was mostly just relieved.  I was sad bc my MIL's cat (who was my husband's baby as a kitten) was put down the day their flight was cancelled.  We bought them dinner for Christmas Eve. 

I love that solution for her triangulating.  She does that a lot.  I have to admit, I think this happens in my family too, and I am guilty of having done this at times, but I mostly just tell the person to ask the other person now, or speak to them. 

Not sure if my kids and husband will visit them, but I don't want to go unless we stay at BIL and SIL's so we'll see.  I suggested spring break to my husband, but they would need to go on their own, because I have to work.  Still a bit concerned about my kids alone with her, but my husband is there, he doesn't always have the best judgement when it comes to him mom though....

[Cat of the Canals]

That's too bad about the cat. It's so hard losing pets. But I totally understand your relief at the cancelled visit. I would be too!

[bloomie]

Breakthrough - sounds like a reprieve and an opportunity to continue needed distance. I am so sorry about the loss of a much loved fur pet. Always hard.