Proximity stress

[Breadroll]

A few years out now, have my own place, no contact. Sadly exnpdh has appeared literally across  thé street doing a "job" at a place in direct view of my front door. I am finding it very stressful, preventing me from freely coming and going - feel that my safe space is violated- and realized its pushing me back into a low level depression. I fear xnpdh may even try to purchase place.
Am so sad. need to plan next moves in case this happens. Is there no end to this.

[Starboard Song]

Is there no end to this?

There is an end. But you'd found a safe place where he was simply "away." And his reappearance is naturally hard. Go easy on yourself. This is a REAL setback, not an imaginary thing. Maybe he is only going to be temporary, and will move on. If not, you'll either have to scab over and get stronger, maybe, or make other arrangements for your peace. But you can do this.

And it does get better -- even this much farther down the line. We are better at 7 years NC than we were at 3.

[Poison Ivy]

I agree with Starboard Song. You are not imagining things. Your ex might (or might not) be doing this intentionally, but it seems to me to be a boundary violation in either case.

[Breadroll]

Thank you starboard song and poison ivy- just the validation really helps.  Yes definitely a boundary violation- and whilst it' will be couched in terms of " business", this is very deliberate and as close as he could get.
Thinking about a plan helps break the downward spiral. - if this becomes permanent- ie he buys the property - I will need to move .  Looking at real estate
Noit sure I could scab over enough to tolerate him as a neighbour 🤔 and he would definitely be both manipulating other neighbour s and intimidating me.

[Breadroll]

Xnpdh kept up the intermittent presence across the road Over the holiday break, which really, I guess is to be expected, maximum effect.
I feel a bit stronger -tackling  the low level depression with St. John's wort and self care, and a back up plan in case it escalates.
Was contemplating how I ended up this way, my foo. Lots of backstory here, but currently rather sad re some recent close family behaviour- a simple «  thanks » ( for something nice I did) and «  how are your kids » and even maybe Asking about what I am doing  - would have been normal- but instead it's pretty much nothing, or a short irrelevant comment about themselves. Genuinely not interested  and not going to say thanks.
I need to take my own advice , not take it personally, it's just how it is. I swing between thinking «  ass..... » , feeling sad, and doing a bit more lettting go.  I choose to be decent human, and will keep contact for other reasons, younger family members. But really?

The whole proximity event has stirred things a bit. Holidays a bit difficult, as they are for many people.  On thé plus side, am feeling successful in tackling the depression this time.

[NarcKiddo]

Has he gone now?

It seems to me that there are two types of boundaries. There are boundaries we can erect and enforce openly, akin to a fence around our property. We can say openly who is, and who is not, permitted to enter our property. And then there are the boundaries we choose for ourselves but which we can only enforce by our own behaviour. If someone is perfectly legally going about their business in a vicinity closer than we would like, then all we can really do is ask them not to (if we feel able to and think such a request might have a positive outcome) or we have to moderate our own behaviour in some way. It's difficult when we are forced to moderate our own behaviour out of the blue but it sounds like you are coping very well with this. You are not having a knee-jerk reaction (well, emotionally you might be but that is to be expected and you are taking care of yourself). But you are considering the position, seeing how it develops, and making a back up plan. Good for you. Wishing you strength and peace.

[Breadroll]

Thanks NK - it looks as he's gone now - my fear is that he now purchases   this very close property, which means I will need to move house. It could be argued that once he has found this effective, he can do it again, which I need to bear in mind. I remain NC, and remind myself that his behavior will always be terrible., he is made that way. The only thing I control is my reaction to it.
Bought myself a new plant for the garden today - bit of self care - beautiful  colored roses.  Whole New Year to enjoy!

[Starboard Song]

I remain NC, and remind myself that his behavior will always be terrible., he is made that way. The only thing I control is my reaction to it.