No Bad Parts and Neurofeedback

[Hepatica]

Recently in this process of trying to get thru the holiday season, I was fairly desperate and went back to my therapist.  The Christmas season is a genuine trigger for me. As much as the peace of no contact is great, I get a lot of symptoms of grief and anxiety as well because I have backed away from my FOO completely. I tend to sink back into doubt and foggy mind about my decision and when the season is over, I seem to get back on track.

Anyway, my therapist told me about this new book she'd read called No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz, and we were talking about my insomnia. She suggested this very simple thing, which is to speak to the hypervigilant "part" of myself that keeps waking up and flooding me with anxiety. So I did. I spoke to the part and said, It's okay. Thank you for doing the job that you learned in childhood. But now, we are safe and it's time for you to rest. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you I had the best sleep that night I've had in years. I am seeking out other parts, the sad part, the hiding part, the stubborn part, and having compassionate conversations with them as well. I ordered the book and I am one chapter into it. So far, I really like the compassionate approach it takes to these parts of ourselves I, for one, get impatient with. As time goes on, I see how important compassion toward self really is in this healing journey.

Another thing I wanted to share is getting Neurofeedback for healing old trauma. This has also been a good surprise. By the third session I walked into a coffee shop and sat down, ate a salad, did some writing and suddenly looked up and realized I was feeling NO social anxiety. None. It was like it was dialed down to zero and I sat there stunned as I looked around the room. I do not remember ever feeling calm. I always had social anxiety and just live with it. I also notice my ability to listen to others in a more attuned way and really hear them rather than the noise in my head. I did a lot of research before I did neurofeedback and I am getting it done by a medical doctor. But if any of you are really struggling with PTSD, consider researching it.

[JustKeepTrying]

Hepatica - I am so happy for you and these incredible milestones on your healing journey.  You are inspiring

I will look into that book as I need to approach this healing from a few different angles and any help is appreciated. I will also research the neurofeedback.  EMDR was incredible helpful but I want to keep moving forward on this journey]

Thank you

[Hepatica]

JustKeepTrying, I am so happy to share these two things. Just got the No Bad Parts book in the mail yesterday. It is a small book and it has exercises, so this is good. I am going to work thru it slowly. Winter is a good time to do the internal work for me. Maybe I'll bring this book up in the book review section as I read more of it. Neurofeedback has been a real gift to me. So far, in my smaller city there are no EMDR therapists, but there are three neurofeedback clinics. I did a lot of reading about it beforehand. I had my last session today. What I really like about it is you only need around twenty sessions and then you really don't need to go anymore. Plus, because the clinic is managed by a medical doctor, it was covered under my insurance. There are a lot of folks in military gear in there, working on healing their PTSD, so it seems to appeal this kind of community. Talk therapy has been very helpful for me over the years, but I've never felt consistent calm from it as I have from this. My teenager is going too, and maybe I'm just imagining it, but he is so much more talkative and open since the sessions started. Dh mentions it too. Both of us are like, wow! There must be something to it.

[hhaw]

Hepatica:

My trauma informed T said all our protective and/or sabotaging parts have good intentions.  I was invited to find whatever part stepped up when I'm struggling....and bring it forward as an advocate and ally to validate the feelings I'm having as exactly the right response to whatever is happening, considering the past. 

I haven't used it much, in that way yet,but T and I bring forth different parts and protectors according to what's going on in my life.

  The last session included the part of me that's concerned with preserving the legal documents and organizing them, adding to them so I can produce a notebook.... an updated notebook, like the ones that saved me during the last custody/visitation trial, which turned into a trial about many past unexpected cases.  I had to organize evidence from fraud cases and basically re try a traumatizing criminal case during a civil suit.  It was crazy to involve so much evidence and so...... there's a vigilant very concerned part of me worrying about not being ready for another case or to explain something to my girls, etc.... just in case. 

I didn't feel like i was worrying about it,but..... when re reading old posts from 2007 I realized I've forgotten SO MUCH I wrote.... I didn't even recognize my old, more secure and mentally healthy self.

All the sudden there was sadness and panic about the information I've lost.... it felt like I've had a sparkplug removed from my brain creating anxiety I didn't understand.  By the end of the T hour, we'd figured out what it was, but not how I should deal with all those boxes of documents and really upsetting photos and legal documents.

Part of me wants to take them all out, put them in order, maybe take  pictures and file them on the computer then burn them.  It would take months to go through so many documents. I don't know if there's enough room in my outdoor shed to DO that and I don't want to have them spread out in the house ever ever ever again.

I'm also concerned I'll be triggered and talking about it in front of my now grown children
OR
afraid I'll regret allowing those boxes and PDs to take up one more minute of my life....the PDs already took so many years and so much of my time and focus. 

Next T appointment will be about that,but I wanted to say..... bringing forward my protectors and wounded parts has been helpful and is part of what my T and I do together. 

The goal is to gain some spaciousness between that part and myself so I can hold a safe space for the piece to experience the trauma without being freaked out.... so processing can happen and that piece can become something else.  Sometimes my wounded part and I merge and the T tells me how my speech patterns changed and words just flowed out of me without my thinking....and she helps me gain the spaciousness to bring the wounded part back up with distance restored....asks that part if it's OK to bring her back up, under the circumstances.  Then we think about the situation again with explanations presenting and details clarifying down to the point requiring attention.

The NO BAD PARTS book sounds very helpful. Thanks for posting about it: )