Question about Pre-verbal Trauma

[Hepatica]

Have any of you examined your own very early childhood trauma in therapy? It's come up for me this week, this sense of clearer and more urgent understanding around this for myself. Growing up, I am fairly sure that my parents did not consider babies or toddlers to be "aware" of their surroundings, that babies and toddlers forget and are naturally resilient.

Even though I was raised in a typical home. Father had paycheque, mother stayed home. There was community around us. Inside the home there were many things going on that would have affected my developing nervous system. Yelling. My mother's own trauma. I think she managed the basics well enough, but I am 99% sure she did not think screaming in front a of baby did them any harm. By the time I was two, I was barely 18 lbs and apparently I would sit alone and entertain myself without ever making a peep.

I have been googling how to heal this kind of early trauma and I cannot really find anything that applies. Anyone tried anything that works in their own healing process?

[NarcKiddo]

I've touched on it but not as yet delved into that aspect.

Like you, I am pretty sure my mother managed the basics, but only in terms of physical care. I am sure there was no emotional connection. I know she thought I was ugly as she has told me so. I recently watched a video of the still face experiment and it provoked an enormous emotional reaction in me. I broke down in tears the first time I watched it and felt panicky. The second time I broke down in tears despite knowing what happens, though I felt very slightly less panicky. I watched it for a third time when I was feeling emotionally robust and happy and I broke down in tears again, though not as strongly as the first times.

In case you are interested (it's a very short video and to someone who has not had childhood trauma it may simply be interesting):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTTSXc6sARg

Like you I was happy to be alone and entertain myself.  My physical stats were normal as far as I know. I have next to no memories until the age of 6. Those I have rarely include either parent interacting with me.

I'm still working through childhood issues with my therapist. I've done a little inner child work but not much as yet. Just recognising the problems, bringing them into the open, has actually brought some relief. They are real; I am not imagining them.

If I find anything that might/does help I will try to remember to come back to this thread.

[Hepatica]

Woah. Watched the clip. I'm in tears too. So heartbreaking. On a 'look on the bright side note' I think the neglect I experienced and the turning off, so to speak, of trying to survive a very unhinged mother at times, might have turned me into the writer I am. I have an incredible ability to tell stories in my head (now being written down) and an incredible ability to be content on my own. Still sucks though.

[Hattie]

Yes, I have a trauma therapist and have looked at this stuff over a few years. My therapist is trained in schema therapy and internal family systems. You need a specific trauma therapist as many counsellors are not trained in this stuff. It's very much worth doing as our personalities are basically shaped early on, so if the environment wasn't great, we need support to overcome that as adults

[Jolie40]

here's some links re trauma

https://www.sideeffectspublicmedia.org/community-health/2015-02-03/childhood-trauma-leads-to-brains-wired-for-fear

https://www.traumaresourceinstitute.com/

https://www.mindful.org/healing-trauma-through-mindfulness/


https://www.nctsn.org/

https://jri.org/services/behavioral-health-and-trauma/trauma-center

^ down the page are links as well as trauma specialists links at above

[Poison Ivy]

My mom had  postpartum depression after I was born (third of four children). Friends of my parents offered to take care of me in their home while my mom was hospitalized for the PPD. The therapist I started seeing when I was 17 and in the throes of a very serious eating disorder definitely thought the early separation from my mom had something to do with my "issues." My mom said one time that she thought I chose to develop an eating disorder to hurt the rest of the family. Ouch.

I think my emotional and psychological development since my teenage years has taken me far beyond my mom's level of development. Maybe I can thank her for helping me to realize that I didn't want to be like her.

[hhaw]

Hepatica:

I've been inner child work with a trauma informed T utilizing AIT.... Advanced Integrative Therapy.

This is something she's been doing with her own T and seems to be a shortcut to processing trauma out of the Nervous System without having to relive the details or even know or understand them in whole.

It's worth checking out if you haven't, IME.

[Preamble]

Hepatica I hear you.  If you look at Noah Elkrief on YouTube he has a video on this exact topic.  His early videos are all about controlling your thinking, but one day he realised it could not reach everything inside.   There is a big difference between his appearance in his early videos and his post-realisation videos.

Have any of you examined your own very early childhood trauma in therapy? It's come up for me this week, this sense of clearer and more urgent understanding around this for myself. Growing up, I am fairly sure that my parents did not consider babies or toddlers to be "aware" of their surroundings, that babies and toddlers forget and are naturally resilient.

Even though I was raised in a typical home. Father had paycheque, mother stayed home. There was community around us. Inside the home there were many things going on that would have affected my developing nervous system. Yelling. My mother's own trauma. I think she managed the basics well enough, but I am 99% sure she did not think screaming in front a of baby did them any harm. By the time I was two, I was barely 18 lbs and apparently I would sit alone and entertain myself without ever making a peep.

I have been googling how to heal this kind of early trauma and I cannot really find anything that applies. Anyone tried anything that works in their own healing process?