Low vs High functioning sociopaths

[escapingman]

I recently came across a Sociopath on youtube sharing from her perspective, I have watched a few videos and it is incredible fascinating and eye opening and also validating. This one is about low versus high functioning sociopaths and just gives the explanation needed to all of us. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDUkXAzACYc

They know what they are doing and they can stop it if they want to, a high functioning sociopath can stop themselves where as a low functioning sociopath also can stop themselves but feel the urge to act out and therefor don't care.

Huh.

[NarcKiddo]

Thanks for this. I'll have a look later.

[escapingman]

My take on this is that uNPDstbx sociopath psycho could have stopped herself from abusing me and the girls at any point, but she chose to continue her dysregulated behaviour and therefor I have not one single regret of going ahead with the divorce and end all contact with her.

Amen.

[JustKeepTrying]

When I realized that he knew what he was doing, and continued to do it.  That was the beginning of the end.  And scary.

[Catothecat]

This video raises some interesting points, because she seems to be saying that the only sociopaths we're acutely aware of are those who are low-functioning.  The high-functioning ones are just living their life and going about their business, not causing the harm we know the low-level ones cause (because we've been their victims).

I've read that high-functioning sociopaths are that way because of how they were raised.  They were raised in a functional family, they were taught right from wrong in an effective manner, they learned that their negative behavior didn't get them the results they wanted.  Etc.  But how many people have such functional families, and how many are functional with a child who's a sociopath?  I'm a pessimist here--I think the odds are fairly low

In the sociopaths I've known, who I was aware were sociopaths, had one thing in common--a lack of self-awareness so acute it couldn't allow them to see anything wrong with their behavior (i.e., in their terms or right and wrong, not societal which they may or may not respect).  They were who they were and proud of it, no matter the consequences, no matter the hurt.   And who they were was who I had to deal with.  What was going on inside of them was less important than protecting myself from them. 

[escapingman]

This video raises some interesting points, because she seems to be saying that the only sociopaths we're acutely aware of are those who are low-functioning.  The high-functioning ones are just living their life and going about their business, not causing the harm we know the low-level ones cause (because we've been their victims).

I've read that high-functioning sociopaths are that way because of how they were raised.  They were raised in a functional family, they were taught right from wrong in an effective manner, they learned that their negative behavior didn't get them the results they wanted.  Etc.  But how many people have such functional families, and how many are functional with a child who's a sociopath?  I'm a pessimist here--I think the odds are fairly low

In the sociopaths I've known, who I was aware were sociopaths, had one thing in common--a lack of self-awareness so acute it couldn't allow them to see anything wrong with their behavior (i.e., in their terms or right and wrong, not societal which they may or may not respect).  They were who they were and proud of it, no matter the consequences, no matter the hurt.   And who they were was who I had to deal with.  What was going on inside of them was less important than protecting myself from them.

I suppose the high functioning ones are the ones that are capable of plotting for years and strike when you have no idea about it.

When I filed for divorce I didn't know exactly what STBX was, just that she was some kind of cluster B narc that was unhealthy for me and the kids. Now when I am safe and started healing, I must go back and study to find out exactly what she is. This is know your enemy tactic as I am in a custody battle and need to figure out how to get my children safe from her.

[moglow]

We need to remember that "they" are not all the same, and often exist on a continuum with a wide variety of behaviors. Having one speak for "them" is all well and good but that's still one person's experience that may be vastly different with the next person, even one who may have the same diagnosis.

... a lack of self-awareness so acute it couldn't allow them to see anything wrong with their behavior (i.e., in their terms or right and wrong, not societal which they may or may not respect).  They were who they were and proud of it, no matter the consequences, no matter the hurt.   And who they were was who I had to deal with.

This is exactly my experience. She is who she is and "because she's the mother" she can do what she wants, ANYTHING she wants and you're expected to take it. You dare not speak up or push back even to acknowledge any damage she caused unless you want to risk her wrath. I had to work long and hard to get to a place where that wrath didn't melt me down. Mother can and will recognize those very behaviors in others and she's merciless in shutting them down. But her? Completely without remorse or apology.

By the time we're adults, we know what's acceptable and what isn't. I personally believe that pretty much any misbehavior can and should be addressed within ourselves, and we have an obligation to do so. When I'm wrong or have caused harm, I owe you an apology and a sincere change in my behavior. If I refuse that's on ME, not other people. When you're dealing with some, that's just not the case.

[escapingman]

We need to remember that "they" are not all the same, and often exist on a continuum with a wide variety of behaviors. Having one speak for "them" is all well and good but that's still one person's experience that may be vastly different with the next person, even one who may have the same diagnosis.

I am pretty sure STBX moved up and down this continuum and could go through long periods of reasonable good behaviour, just to collapse when any stressful event took place. I also noticed that STBX got much worse with age, the person in this video is very young and despite her awareness now might be a completely different person (for good or worse) in 20 years time.

And yes, STBX used to be very proud of her behaviour - chocking how anyone can be proud of treating others like dirt.

[moglow]

EM, I saw mommie dearest several times in full on meltdown rage, answer a telephone call and have an actual conversation as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, then hang up and pick that rage right back up as if no interruption at all. It was eerie and painful to witness, plus it confirmed for me she was not only aware but could control it if needed. She was usually pretty careful of her audience, I guess so she could still appear to be the poor victim when needed. Now all her family/siblings who used to tolerate the misbehavior are gone and her filters are failing, so basically no one will put up with it anymore. It's sad but she chose it.

[escapingman]

EM, I saw mommie dearest several times in full on meltdown rage, answer a telephone call and have an actual conversation as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, then hang up and pick that rage right back up as if no interruption at all. It was eerie and painful to witness, plus it confirmed for me she was not only aware but could control it if needed. She was usually pretty careful of her audience, I guess so she could still appear to be the poor victim when needed. Now all her family/siblings who used to tolerate the misbehavior are gone and her filters are failing, so basically no one will put up with it anymore. It's sad but she chose it.

That is spooky but STBX did the same. We were going away for a long weekend and was packing up the car, she had a meltdown and was screaming, stonewalling and the rest. Suddenly one of the neighbours turned up and said hello and she had a perfectly normal sane conversation, even involving me, then as soon as the neighbour left she reverted back.

Scary how similar they all are.

[NarcKiddo]

What I took away from the video was that the high functioning ones have the capacity to control their behaviour; the low functioning ones less so, if at all. However they need a reason to exert that control.

The woman in the video was only diagnosed through being involuntarily detained. It seems to me that people with a PD are unlikely to seek therapy if they see nothing wrong (i.e. disadvantageous to themselves) with their behaviour. But if a therapist can access them and get through to them then there are some people who can work with the diagnosis and learn how to live in society without causing endless damage even if their primary motivations are very different to those of others.