Hello Everybody

[Watermellow]

Hi All,

I am new to this community, or at least new as an active member - I was already lurking here for sometime    I wanted to say "Hello".

I am here because my uBPD/NPD mother and the whole family situation that resolves around it. Since whenever I can remember there was abuse - physical and emotional. there was beating, guilt tripping, gaslighting, controlling. There were never any conversations - just orders. Any objection would be severly punished. I left home when I was 18, I went to college and did not come back to live there for more than 15 years. With phone calls and occasional visits it all seemed a lot better. When my son was born three years ago for many reasons we moved near my hometown. Well I didn't see it back then but apparently it was asking for trouble. Anyways I am having a hard time lately and this community looks like a safe space to share.

Thank you all for keeping it this way.

[Srcyu]

Hello,
I would say it is safer here than in all the Facebook groups. The members here are more emotionally mature and better informed.
The family does revolve around the bpd mother, you are quite right. I'm sorry that  you are currently having a very hard time. It's amazing how spiteful people in our own families can be.
My earliest memory of my own NPD mother  is one of being in the kitchen. She must have been trying to toilet train me and she had plonked me down on the potty. I can remember looking at her and thinking, 'I don't know what she wants' and 'She doesn't like me.' The expression I saw on her face was often there the whole time I struggled to grow up in her kingdom/house.
We do keep thinking that things will get better as we turn into adults. Sometimes though, that is not the case.

[guitarman]

Welcome. You are not alone.

You may find the YouTube videos of the author and counsellor Kris Godinez of interest to you. She specialises in Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome and shows how targets of abuse can cope better.

Her YouTube channel is called "We Need To Talk with Kris Godinez". I have learnt a lot from her.

Abusers are all about power and control.

Observe, don't absorb.

Keep calm. Stay strong. Stay safe. Keep posting.

[Watermellow]

Hi @Windmill, thank you for your comforting words. I also have very negative first memories with my mother. Well we all need to mourn this childhood and move on but boy, it is difficult. The expression on my mother's face I remember vey well was anger mixed with disgust. She still does it from time to time and I get this suffocating feeling when I see it - it all stayed in my body apparently

Thank you @guitarman - I put it on my list to watch after Christmas - knowledge is power when it comes to PD. I remember I felt such a relief when I found out NPD it is a thing and it didn't happen only to me and my family.

Take care.

[goldtracedcloud]

Just wanted to drop by and say I love the name Watermellow.  I am sorry for all the things that have brought you to Out of the FOG, but glad you're here.  Wish I had discovered this site years ago! 

[Watermellow]

Just wanted to drop by and say I love the name Watermellow.  I am sorry for all the things that have brought you to Out of the FOG, but glad you're here.  Wish I had discovered this site years ago!

Thanks