Holiday cards

[Pepin]

I cringe.  Really, I do.  I used to love getting cards in the mail and saved them for decades....and then something snapped this year and I sifted though all and recycled them.  I only kept the ones I truly loved of close friends.  No family.  None.  All tossed.

This year as the cards have rolled in, I am looking ahead to when I can toss them right after the holidays rather than holding onto them.  Per usual, there are a few zingers with their arrogant paragraphs of stuff and some photo cards are eye rolling because of how they are staged.  Why do people work so hard on these cards?  A simple picture or pictures is good! 

We sent fewer cards this year due to DH having a falling out with his siblings after CN MIL's death.  What a relief.  However there is one cousin that I should have left off the list that is close with one of DH's siblings.  I'll remove that cousin next year.  And there is an uncle and wife that during the funeral service were just tacky as heck with their behavior - trying to be all concerned but beaming on the inside.  They were like "oh, we have been thinking about you guys so much!"  Yeah, right.  This uncle didn't give a care about his sister (CN MIL)- not that he should have but why ghost us when in town visiting and then show up for the funeral? 

But ugh, what a cringey part of the holidays.  Just receiving some of these cards and allowing them to reside in my home until after the holidays feels invasive.  Too many PDs sending their dang holiday cards to us.... 

[Srcyu]

I keep cards too!
But only the best ones from my best people.  The house that I'm currently living in (for many years) has not had its doorstep crossed by any foo members, ever.  One of the benefits of long term no contact.
Due to a close relative having a birthday near Christmas, I always put the tree up on a certain day.
One year I had the strangest feeling of being watched through the window as I decorated the tree. Turned out NPD mother had been sitting in a car parked outside my house. I always closed the blinds after that.

Another year, she pushed cards through the letterbox just after my older children had returned home for Christmas. I yanked open the door ready to throw them back in her face but the car she was in was already pulling away. It quite ruined my festive mood I can tell you.

She is deceased now from old age but any unwelcome cards were always swiftly thrown in the bin.

[NarcKiddo]

Why do you allow the offensive cards to reside in your home? You are allowed to throw them out. It's your home and you get to say what stays in it.

[Jolie40]

I have EVERY Christmas card received since I've been married, also
WHY? don't know

anyway, I send cards out early like end of November
this year, decided to wait 'til I receive a card before mailing

guess what! barely received any this year
apparently, most people must wait for my card before sending to me!

[Pepin]

She is deceased now from old age but any unwelcome cards were always swiftly thrown in the bin.

Why do you allow the offensive cards to reside in your home? You are allowed to throw them out. It's your home and you get to say what stays in it.

anyway, I send cards out early like end of November
this year, decided to wait 'til I receive a card before mailing

I would like to toss unsavory cards in the bin right away but DH would likely be confused -- though he has nothing to do with holiday cards in general in terms of keeping them or maintaining the sender list. 

Many of the cards we receive are from "his" acquaintances or family.   

Jolie40 -  I have done the same as you where I wait to send a card if I get one.  And sure enough....when I see a postmark after Xmas I'm like why did you bother then?  Cards that arrive after Xmas are annoying to me as I've already mentally checked out.  Some people do New Years cards and they get a pass....

Overall, fewer cards have come in this year (cost of stamps OMG?)  There are always a number of people that don't send cards to us and I understand because they just don't do them and generally never have....

It's weird to me how PD holiday cards to me feel manipulative.  Now that I see the dysfunction its just cringey whereas before I would be delighted to get a card and know that I am in someone's thoughts.

On a side note, when I was helping to clear out CN MIL's house after her passing, I came upon boxes of new holiday cards that never were sent to anyone.  For as long as I've known her, she has never sent a card.  I can understand back in the day that it may have been expensive to do as they struggled financially but during the time that I've known her, there was no issue with money.  It was probably too much work for her even though she had more time on her hands than anyone I know.... 

[moglow]

I send Christmas card to mommie dearest these days, check that box and carry on. And I realized reading this thread last night that I'd not actually mailed it! So it went out this morning. She'll either get it by Christmas or not, and she's more likely to text anyway [while maintaining she doesn't get texts from me somehow so never sees my response, then at some point later she'll be all snippy that I didn't also call so she could check her own box].


It's just never enough regardless.

[Andeza]

I don't send cards anymore. I'm done. Nobody sends any to me other than my grandmother and DH's aunt anyway, or otherwise we get the "perfect family facade" staged pictures from DH's family. I have a little "Oh hey the kids have gotten big!" moment and then toss after hubby looks at it too. Done. I threw away all my cards from growing up, and birthday cards get chucked too. I have no space to display stuff, no one to impress, and no one except DH's aunt ever comes to visit us. Which is fine. We live in an RV. I have nowhere to put people, lol.

The only cards I'm hanging onto are the cards I found in my dad's nightstand from me to him for his birthday/father's day/Christmas. I might let them go at some point, but the loss is too fresh for now.

I'll tell you why I'm over Christmas cards though. I could either send out about 40 of them every year to all the various aunts, uncles, cousins, acquaintances, etc, and risk missing people or have to decide who doesn't matter enough anymore to get one, or just gradually not have new addresses... Or I could just not, and everybody gets equal treatment.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Aw, Pepin! I would send you a card. But it  would probably arrive late. Finishing up my addressing and mailing is on my list today. Despite my best intentions, I sent most of them a week ago and then didn't finish because life. Whomp whomp. But there are twelve days of Christmas so it counts!

We are sending cards this year for the first time in five years. We haven't done it since being NC exactly for the reasons Andrea said. Deciding who to keep, who to cut, who might be offended... it was all too much. And definitely acknowledging that all the relatives are a nope for the Christmas card list. When we married both of our mothers provided us with the family Christmas card list. It was an obscene number of people we were mandated to send to. A few I had never met. Not a single name on those lists got one this year. But I really do enjoy receiving them from friends near but especially far, and seeing pictures of their kids, and who got a new job, etc. Or even just a card. I'm not on social media and I'm generally not great at keeping in touch after we've moved away. But Christmas is a great opportunity to say, "Hi friend, I am still here and I still love you!" I went through my contacts list and if a name "sparked joy," they get a card and a brief personal note. I maybe overdid it but next year I can choose what works for me then.