Absolutely Livid

[littlelimabean]

I am literally shaking with anger at this moment.

Around a month ago, I left my family. My relationship with my mother was traumatic. She is in therapy now she is getting better blah blah blah. But there was still some coercive tendencies and hurt there. Thats why I joined this forum in the first place. Anyway, I moved across the world for my education.

I had two options, my grandmother where I would be staying with 2 unknown men my age or with my sweet darling Nana.

It seemed like a no brainer to go to my Nana. I went and skipped all the way over happy as a goddamn jay bird flapping its wings over a rainbow.

I was told given my background that I shouldn't go to my Nana. She was sick and I was nice. It wouldn't be a good idea. I didn't listen because I didn't want to stay with two guys.

So, the first day was a set up for disaster. I did what I usually would do if I was at my mother's home which is EVERYTHING. I was fixing food, cleaning, etc. I didn't think much of it. Usually, I would also take care of my siblings, but my siblings weren't there so I thought it was a break.

Then, my sweet darling Nana became a vipress. She became angry,  negative, and all of a sudden I couldn't do anything right. She started to ask me more and more and more.

Then, she would switch back and forth from angel to vipress.

Before you know it, I was taking her to the doctor, reminding her of medication, and even being asked to write her will. Everyone around her is asking me to stay because "I am such a wonderful help!"

She would say that she has a lot on her mind and that she would be better. Her harsh behavior had me have two mental breakdown and one of the breakdowns had me contacting a hotline.

I am LIVID. At first, I was so sad and depressed and hopeless praying to the lord that I couldn't take it. Now, that sadness is shifting to rage. I am almost never angry.

I feel so betrayed. I have nowhere to go, but with two men. That makes me feel so sick. I trusted my Nana. I trusted her to be kind to me. I trusted her to be who I thought she was.

Now, I understand and I am moving tomorrow. I feel so sick though. I don't want to be with those guys. Really I don't. One of them likes me.

If I have to leave, I have to go all the way back to house where I just came from. I am so scared and angry. To be honest, I think I am more scared than angry.

I don't know what to do. I really don't.

Thank you so much for listening.

[Poison Ivy]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I would be livid if I were in this situation, too.

[littlelimabean]

Update, I am going to move in with my grandma. My dreams won't work where I was.

[littlelimabean]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I would be livid if I were in this situation, too.

Thanks for this. It makes me feel crazy and guilty you know

[monamurre]

YOU'VE GOT THIS!

Listen, not everyone gets the launch into adulthood that we deserve. But, it doesn't mean you can't get where you want to go.

It sounds like you have a healthy sense of your own boundaries and what you want for yourself. So, just keep fighting for it. Don't let adverse circumstances get in your way.

When I left home I packed all my stuff into my broken down car and drove three hours to the town where I was registered for community college classes. I had no place to stay and no plan. I was prepared to sleep in my car if that is what it took to get out of my immediate families orbit. I ended up staying at a youth hostel for a week until I ran into an old friend who let me sleep on her floor for a month. I wouldn't wish that version of the journey on anyone, but it all worked out. Years later I have a Masters degree and my own business.

YOU GOT THIS!

[Cat of the Canals]

It sounds like you have a healthy sense of your own boundaries and what you want for yourself. So, just keep fighting for it. Don't let adverse circumstances get in your way.

This! I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to have to move again, but it's probably better that it happened now rather than later. The fact that you realized what an untenable living situation it was going to be so quickly is also a very good sign that you're on the road to having really good boundaries.

[littlelimabean]

Thank you everyone for your replies it means a great deal. I was tripping out of my mind until I got some distance to see what really happened. I really thought I was being over dramatic or something.

Just wanted to give you guys an update. I moved to my grandma's. It is in a rough neighborhood, but it feels much more peaceful.

With my Nana, who lived in a richer neighborhood, it was amazing outside of the house, but terribly harsh inside the house. Now, it is the opposite. Harsh outside and better inside.

My Grandma told me I don't have to clean up shared spaces. I only have to tend to my own things.

I am still anxious and cautious, but I can relax my mind just a teeny tiny bit. My eyes are peeled for red flags.

Another update, I am closer to my extended family from both sides. I had to switch schools again. I am anxious about how smooth that would be, but I am  trying to be in the present.

Right now, I am just e x h s a u s t e d. On the other hand, I am  feeling much better.

[littlelimabean]

YOU'VE GOT THIS!

Listen, not everyone gets the launch into adulthood that we deserve. But, it doesn't mean you can't get where you want to go.

It sounds like you have a healthy sense of your own boundaries and what you want for yourself. So, just keep fighting for it. Don't let adverse circumstances get in your way.

When I left home I packed all my stuff into my broken down car and drove three hours to the town where I was registered for community college classes. I had no place to stay and no plan. I was prepared to sleep in my car if that is what it took to get out of my immediate families orbit. I ended up staying at a youth hostel for a week until I ran into an old friend who let me sleep on her floor for a month. I wouldn't wish that version of the journey on anyone, but it all worked out. Years later I have a Masters degree and my own business.

YOU GOT THIS!

Thank you for this. If you did it, it makes it a little less impossible for me to do it too.

[littlelimabean]

It sounds like you have a healthy sense of your own boundaries and what you want for yourself. So, just keep fighting for it. Don't let adverse circumstances get in your way.

This! I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to have to move again, but it's probably better that it happened now rather than later. The fact that you realized what an untenable living situation it was going to be so quickly is also a very good sign that you're on the road to having really good boundaries.

I was worried that my boundaries were too blurry. It was so hard to enforce them. I guess I have to practice more '