Is she going to discard me?

[SonofThunder]

Big thanks to Square and SoT for letting me know........ I am ........(feel free to add an adjective or two)
The big hurdle is crossed. I have options but it can be perilous as well each day I physically stay in the house.
Switching to the happy, avoid confrontation, talk as little as possible. Going to start sleeping in the living room, if we had a spare bathroom I would rather sleep in there, safer.

Sorry you are experiencing what you describe.  Im simply sharing my opinions on PD behaviors and also my very real experiences, in the event it may be helpful or relatable to you/others; not predict what is/may occur for any another person. 

I wish you the best in your decision making for your own proper boundary enforcement. You are not alone DragonsDen.

SoT

[InTheDragonsDen]

SoT, KaBoom! She came home drunk. Broke some objects. She said no one can control her. Nobody has ever controlled her. Said the whole community was asking what happened at the dance. Why was your husband upset? What is wrong with your husband (me)? She sees a threat to how others view her so she is going on the attack. Even if it were true that stuff does not bother me.

She made a bunch of comments that came down to she wants me to divorce her and she wants to play the victim.
And there it is, 100% goes with what Square and SoT said.
She went to sleep at her parents house. I went to talk to them and explained my side.
Going to be a rough couple of days ahead.

[Poison Ivy]

There are worse things in the world than initiating a divorce. I recommend that if you decide you no longer want to be married (marriage isn't going well, you've explored and thought about what you can do to make the situation more tolerable for you and determined there are no reasonable solutions, you've at least begun to accept that you cannot make the other spouse change), you start looking into the divorce process in your state or country and figure out whether moving out will affect your rights to property after the divorce.

The "I refuse to initiate a divorce because I'm less at fault than my spouse" mindset is understandable but usually not productive or helpful for your well-being.

This is my opinion; it is based on my experience and situation.

[SonofThunder]

SoT, KaBoom! She came home drunk. Broke some objects. She said no one can control her. Nobody has ever controlled her. Said the whole community was asking what happened at the dance. Why was your husband upset? What is wrong with your husband (me)? She sees a threat to how others view her so she is going on the attack. Even if it were true that stuff does not bother me.

She made a bunch of comments that came down to she wants me to divorce her and she wants to play the victim.
And there it is, 100% goes with what Square and SoT said.
She went to sleep at her parents house. I went to talk to them and explained my side.
Going to be a rough couple of days ahead.

DragonsDen,

Im sorry that occurred, but at the same time, imo, more input helps us make decisions.  Understood on some rough days ahead. 

There are worse things in the world than initiating a divorce.

The "I refuse to initiate a divorce because I'm less at fault than my spouse" mindset is understandable but usually not productive or helpful for your well-being. 

To Poison Ivy's two quoted sentences above;  I agree.

This is not the divorce board, but since you are not yet divorcing and still in a chosen relationship I will add my further opinion based on what you are experiencing. I believe Poison Ivy's second quoted sentence is VERY important and therefore the first sentence is true as well.  Especially related to self-protection (proper boundaries) of our own emotional and physical health. For some here, there are also the very complicated difficulties of dependent children and their emotional and physical health as well, and that is SO very difficult. 

I wrote earlier regarding opinions on the legal terms for both sides in a divorce proceeding. Those terms may be different terminology depending on location in a country or in the world.  To expand on my comment, based on Poison Ivy's reply;  imo a PD desires to be the defendant (other similar legal terms may be respondent, accused, defender) for the main reason of the drama triangle roles they seem to live within and the prevalent victim role within that triangle. That victimhood is brought to an attorney's office, to the neighbors, friends, family, social media, office, others and imo is very necessary for the PD to have victim-supply to assist in suppressing the uprising feelings of abandonment.  Imo, victimhood is also an important decision-making stance for the PD, in making legal counters, using the power of an attorney and any applicable laws, to complicate, benefit from, and punish.  The non is simply moving forward, trying to protect and/or improve their own emotional, physical and situational well-being.

I also believe though that the PD being the defendant is similar in situation to the manipulation we non's are accustomed to, where we are put in the double-bind position to potentially provide information, and that information is then creatively utilized to the PD's benefit.  Although the law itself may desire (regardless of who initiated) to fairly divide, the initiator (plaintiff, claimant, pursuer, complainant) may also be the party (after initial filing), that starts the ball rolling forward in the legal negotiations, and that in a way, is similar to JADE, in how the information is then used by the PD and their creative attorney, and further cement the victim role for the PD. 

Dragons Den, you wrote: "She made a bunch of comments that came down to she wants me to divorce her and she wants to play the victim"

I believe its very important for us non's to understand the end-to-end motives of the PD in the IDD & drama triangle, and in good mindfulness, do our best to rise up out of the mire of the terrible current events in order to get a full understanding, birds-eye view of the situation.  Imo, victimhood is a powerful motivator for PD's and that drama triangle role assists PD largely in the entire IDD cycle, in order to bring the non back into compliance or detach/discard from their host while finding a new host(s) to prey on for supply.  I believe understanding this helps me to keep moving forward in the goal of "productive or helpful for your well-being." (Poison Ivy).

A PD's motive of wanting the non to divorce the PD is understandable in the end-to-end view and Dragons Den, although this is a very difficult situation, your focus on understanding motives will continue to assist you greatly in whatever your own motives may be in good and proper self-protective boundaries.  My wishes to you for continued clarity in understanding and strength going forward. 

SoT