NPD Partner staring at others while in your presence

[InTheDragonsDen]

My NPD partner has always stared at attractive men or women when we go out to bars / dances /etc.

My question is, do they know their partner is watching them?

There is information on the internet on them staring at others but not staring at others when their partner is with them.

If anyone has any research or expert opinions I would appreciate the help on this.

[Lookin 2 B Free]

I'm not an expert and haven't researched it  ....   just my observations of PD's that have been in my life.  They've had an uncanny, almost instinctual, sense of which strings to pull with each individual to manipulate and cause hurt and insecurity.   I think it's part of the disorder, second nature, and becomes very finely honed over their lifetimes.  So anyone who is, or might become, supply, or anyone who might threaten supply, is always in those crosshairs, IME.

I'm not sure if I was right, but every word or action my PDex did which poked even slightly at my feelings of jealousy, insecurity, etc., seemed to me to be designed to do so.  I don't even know if he was consciously aware of it.  Often I think he wasn't.  But still I believe it was, at least in part, serving that purpose.

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

My XuNPD used to do that too.  It was weird and uncomfortable. 

I also think it was purposeful and manipulative.  One - the message clearly to me was that I'm not worth his time/attention OR you better make it worth my time and attention.  Two - he thought so highly of himself, of course, people would want him looking at them.  Probably trying to connect with some potential supply.

After time, I HATED going out to a restaurant with him. 

[InTheDragonsDen]

Hi Plantflowersnotweeds, thank you very much. I couldnt find any information on this on the internet. Was thinking that either she is so zoned into staring / trying to make contact / trying to read his expressions that it was impossible for her not to notice my reaction to her staring. This started the first couple months we were together. The last time she did this was 4 months ago. At that time I thought the purpose was to hurt me as the crowd was so small that it would be impossible for me not to notice.
Double high for them. Getting attention from another and punishing me.
Two months later at another private party I told her that is the last time I am going to a bar / dance with her. Few weeks later she went out to a dance by herself. She tried to manipulate me to coming to take videos of her dancing. I was too busy enjoying my night off from the drama. Sat outside with the dogs for awhile, then a hot bath, then snuggled into bed with a good book. Win for me.

[Matilda]

Relatable. 

When I call him out on it he says "I look all over the place! I look at everyone! The band, the bar, the tables. I scan the room."

Then when I catch him staring at someone closer he will say "no, I didn't notice that blond in a tight dress 3 inches from my crotch". Umm so what is it? Do you "look at everything" or are you "only watching the band".

Of course I never get an answer.  I get name called and he gets angry at me.  He can't ever admit it. And the thing is, it's normal and I know that so when he says he NEVER notices, I know he's lying. He's cheating on me in the past (and lies constantly) so I have reason to be insecure but this is a stupid thing to lie about. And THAT is what upsets me. He doesn't understand how important TRUST is or the damage a lie, about anything, can cause. Especially when it's a constant issue.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.