How to reverse damaging words

[littlelimabean]

NarcKiddo reminded me of something.

Before I met my now UNPD exH I used to wear perfume.  I think it was a gift from someone and I liked it so I kept buying it.  It was an inexpensive one, otherwise I wouldn't have continued to purchase it.

My UNPD exH said he didn't like it so he took me shopping.  All of the perfumes he wanted me to try were so overpowering. Most of them were pleasant scents but I'm sorry. I'd like to be able to smell a rose or just the fresh air from time to time. Not just me. (Or not me, really.)

And they were ridiculously expensive. $80+ on the tiniest bottle. $80 was a lot of money in those days for an unnecessary item.  I couldn't justify the cost, since I was at that stage a full time student and UNPD exH was on an apprentice wage.

So I stopped wearing perfume.  It's been over 22 years!

In one case in my life someone else's overpowering perfume has been handy.

One of the teachers at my secondary school used to wear a particularly strong perfume.  This teacher was notoriously difficult and had taken a disliking to me.

It was very handy  to come across her scent in the corridors.  You knew she was somewhere near even if you couldn't see her.

We'd often change routes or hang back/hide until we thought it might be "safe" to venture out.

I laugh about it now.  Actually, maybe we should buy some overpowering perfume for our pds as a form of our own self protection! 

While I'm at it, I should probably buy some for myself - of a more subtle scent.

AOD

That is true it is like a radar lol. I would be able to tell who was in my space by the scents as well

[moglow]

If you shut it off for a while, it might help you regain your lost ground. Sometimes just giving ourselves that break helps us see it for what it is, so we can think how or if to continue the relationship at all.

[littlelimabean]

If you shut it off for a while, it might help you regain your lost ground. Sometimes just giving ourselves that break helps us see it for what it is, so we can think how or if to continue the relationship at all.

I actually decided to cut her off. I already moved. I don't want to visit her. I blocked her number and deleted her contact.

I am not having it with her anymore.

[littlelimabean]

Update!!

I started to ask around about my smell like you guys suggested. I never asked anyone out of embarrassment and being mortified if they told me i did indeed smell bad. So I asked like 3 close people.

They said I smell good! They never noticed any bad scent at all...

[Boat Babe]

People who smell bad are the ones who literally don't wash, don't change their clothes, etc. You can tell what the issue is because their hair is visibly greasy, and their clothes are visibly dirty. You are not one of this group.

I feel confident in telling you, without the benefit of a sniff, that you are FINE. One shower daily is enough. It is not humanly possible that you are taking multiple showers, changing clothes, using products throughout the day, with your doctor telling you that you're fine, and you still smell bad.

It's certainly possible that you sweat more than most people. It happens. My husband sweats from his head easily and he finds it annoying. Sweat doesn't have anodor but it can release the odor of bacteria on skin or fabric (I avoid certain fabrics for that reason).

Normal people have some odor. That's normal and does not fall into the category of people who smell noticeably bad.

I can confidently say the problem lies with your Nana. She is purposefully weaponizing the issue against you, a disordered behavior. She knows it's a bulls-eye for you. She likes that. And that's not normal.

Normal people sweat, and some normal odor comes with that. Horrible odors are caused by medical problems (ruled out in your case) or severe neglect of hygiene (also quite ruled out in your case). You're FINE.

Sweaty people get married all the time. Sweaty people fall in love. Sometimes while sweating. You are normal, even if you sweat a lot. The idea that you are unlovable due to a normal body function is bizarre, and I don't even buy that your Nana really truly believes it. She wants to hurt you because she is bizarre. You are normal.

Perfect answer.

[NarcKiddo]

Update!!

I started to ask around about my smell like you guys suggested. I never asked anyone out of embarrassment and being mortified if they told me i did indeed smell bad. So I asked like 3 close people.

They said I smell good! They never noticed any bad scent at all...

I'm glad you got your reassurance - that's great news. It's a shame you have had to spend so much time and emotional energy worrying about it. Also, I'm sorry your Nana seemed to know exactly what to say to hurt and stress you the most. Hugs.

[Cat of the Canals]

I'm glad you got your reassurance - that's great news. It's a shame you have had to spend so much time and emotional energy worrying about it. Also, I'm sorry your Nana seemed to know exactly what to say to hurt and stress you the most. Hugs.

Ironically, the fact that you smell good could be how she knew saying the opposite would be hurtful. Making an effort to smell nice tells her it's something you care about. If it's something you care about, it's an easy button to push. I think this is how many bullies are able to quickly suss out what our deepest fears/insecurities are.

[littlelimabean]

Update!!

I started to ask around about my smell like you guys suggested. I never asked anyone out of embarrassment and being mortified if they told me i did indeed smell bad. So I asked like 3 close people.

They said I smell good! They never noticed any bad scent at all...

I'm glad you got your reassurance - that's great news. It's a shame you have had to spend so much time and emotional energy worrying about it. Also, I'm sorry your Nana seemed to know exactly what to say to hurt and stress you the most. Hugs.

Ngl, I was so scared to ask anyone. When they told me that I don't smell, I was relieved and sad at the same time.

I would cry over it, and I was really insecure about it as well. at least I can stop being super harsh on myself and release that energy

[littlelimabean]

I'm glad you got your reassurance - that's great news. It's a shame you have had to spend so much time and emotional energy worrying about it. Also, I'm sorry your Nana seemed to know exactly what to say to hurt and stress you the most. Hugs.

Ironically, the fact that you smell good could be how she knew saying the opposite would be hurtful. Making an effort to smell nice tells her it's something you care about. If it's something you care about, it's an easy button to push. I think this is how many bullies are able to quickly suss out what our deepest fears/insecurities are.

I never expected this from her tbh. She was there when I was born. This is the first bad memory I have with her, and it is the last memory I will have with her. Because that's pure mean right there.