How to reverse damaging words

[littlelimabean]

Hi.

I feel absolutely under the weather in one particular area. I just moved out of my Nana's house. She was incredibly rude and hurtful. I was there for 2 weeks and I didn't realize how much it affected me until now. Before that, I had just moved out of my mother's home and she was incredibly hurtful too. She is getting better, but I can't be comfy around her anymore.

Anyway, while I was at my Nana's house, my Nana said something so hurtful to me that it shocked me and caused me to cry all night on 2 occasions.

You see, I am very sensitive about the way I smell. I sweat more than others and I get sweaty when I am anxious. I have anxiety so feeling anxious isn't a uncommon occurrence lol. Anyways, I am hyper aware of the way I smell. I started a rigorous routine to stay fresh. If I ever feel sweaty, I take a shower even if it is 4:20am.

So, my Nana hadn't been mean at this point. It was all rose colored and everything. I was spending the whole day helping her out. The house was hot because she left the heater on. I got sweaty, so I went to go freshen up. When I walked past my Nana to go to the bathroom, she turned and looked at me and said "Why do you smell so bad?"

My heart dropped. The blood rushed out of my face. She continued to say that I wasn't normal. "You will never get married smelling like that and if you do, your husband will leave you."

I was just talking to her about how much I wanted to get married. How hard I had been trying to meet someone, and she says that too me. I started to wash like crazy, trying my best to smell good, because that is really important to me. The next time I was sweaty, I was rushing trying to go to the bathroom so I could freshen up as I do. She asked me to help her with her bed and I decided to help her first.

Again, she stopped and turned and said "I can smell your armpits from here. I told you won't get married if you keep smelling like that."

I couldn't stop the tears this time. I was trying so hard, but it wasn't enough. I took even more precautions after this, but the damaging thing she said was that I smelled awful the whole day, but she didn't tell me about it. I didn't think I smelled bad. I thought I smelled fine.

Even now, after I left, I bought so many body products and clothes so I can change more often. Now, I think do I really smell bad? Is everyone just not telling me I smell bad?

I am smelling myself constantly and washing up as much as I can. I am so messed up. I don't even know where to begin with healing from this. Other people say I smell nice. My little sister brought me this beautiful smelling perfume and said it smelled like me. I was so happy I was bouncing off the walls. I want to feel that way again, but this messed me up.

Being in this forum, you are highly likely to have been told negative things about you. You guys seem so strong. I read your posts and figured you are further down the line of healing. Some of you know how to filter and not let everything get to you. How did you start to learn that skill?

[Poison Ivy]

Your nana was very rude. I would be as upset as you if I were in your situation. Is she a person to whom you could say, "Nana, that's rude! You hurt my feelings." without her responding extremely negatively (for example, by asking you to move out)?

[Associate of Daniel]

littlelimabean (Love your user name btw), I'm really sorry you're dealing with this.

My uNPD exH used to tell me that I have bad breath.  He left over 10 years ago and I still worry about my breath.  When teaching or just when I know I'll be in conversations with people, I usually slowly dissolve a tictac in my mouth.  Sometimes a student asks me why I'm sucking on a tictac and I make a bit of a joke about it.  I tell them I don't want to be breathing my "dragon breath" all over them.  They usually have a bit of a giggle.  (They're young.)

I also breath out through my nose when I'm conversing with people.

To this day, I don't know if I have bad breath or not.  Nobody else has ever said that I do.  But are they just being polite?  I brush at least twice a day and regularly floss.  I use mouthwash.  I go to the dentist now more regularly than I did.  I couldn't afford to go until the last couple of years.

I don't know if I'll ever not worry about it.

But, in terms of the nasty words...  I've found over the years that it became easier to not be effected by them.  It's 2-fold, I think.

Firstly,  I know the truth.  My conscience is right before God and I know that I didn't do/say whatever uNPD exH and his uNPD wife choose to say about me. etc.  So, in your case, you know that you are doing all you can about what they are accusing you of.  If they have a problem with it, it's THEIR problem.  Their response/behaviour is their responsibility.  If they choose to be rude, it says more about them than it does about you.

Secondly,  I've come to understand that most of what they say is projection.  That is:  What they accuse me of is actually what they are doing/thinking etc.  In other words:  It's them, not me.

Maybe your grandma smells and she knows it?

I would take encouragement from the fact that no-one else has told you that you smell bad. And from the lovely compliment your sister gave you when she gave you the perfume.  You probably don't smell as bad (if at all) as you think you might.  And you are doing all you know to do to fix an issue that may not exist.

Have you spoken to a doctor about it?  They could confirm whether or not your odour is strong/normal.  And if it is out of the ordinary, they would surely be able to give you some pointers apart from what you are already doing.  Maybe they could run some tests.

I wonder too, if there is a particular food that you consume that might be resulting in a stronger smell (if it exists).  I find that when I eat tuna or fresh garlic that I'm a little smellier than usual.  But it doesn't usually last, thankfully.

I hope this helps.  And I wish you all the best for this difficulty as well as everything else you are currently struggling with.

AOD

[littlelimabean]

Your nana was very rude. I would be as upset as you if I were in your situation. Is she a person to whom you could say, "Nana, that's rude! You hurt my feelings." without her responding extremely negatively (for example, by asking you to move out)?

Lol, no. I did try and she said that I had better be grateful she said it instead of company. She said I was being too fragile.

I am just tired you know. I really really try to be on top of things.

[Srcyu]

A really quick response would be (since you didn't have to stay there) - 'well, so do you.'

[littlelimabean]

littlelimabean (Love your user name btw), I'm really sorry you're dealing with this.

My uNPD exH used to tell me that I have bad breath.  He left over 10 years ago and I still worry about my breath.  When teaching or just when I know I'll be in conversations with people, I usually slowly dissolve a tictac in my mouth.  Sometimes a student asks me why I'm sucking on a tictac and I make a bit of a joke about it.  I tell them I don't want to be breathing my "dragon breath" all over them.  They usually have a bit of a giggle.  (They're young.)

I also breath out through my nose when I'm conversing with people.

To this day, I don't know if I have bad breath or not.  Nobody else has ever said that I do.  But are they just being polite?  I brush at least twice a day and regularly floss.  I use mouthwash.  I go to the dentist now more regularly than I did.  I couldn't afford to go until the last couple of years.

I don't know if I'll ever not worry about it.

But, in terms of the nasty words...  I've found over the years that it became easier to not be effected by them.  It's 2-fold, I think.

Firstly,  I know the truth.  My conscience is right before God and I know that I didn't do/say whatever uNPD exH and his uNPD wife choose to say about me. etc.  So, in your case, you know that you are doing all you can about what they are accusing you of.  If they have a problem with it, it's THEIR problem.  Their response/behaviour is their responsibility.  If they choose to be rude, it says more about them than it does about you.

Secondly,  I've come to understand that most of what they say is projection.  That is:  What they accuse me of is actually what they are doing/thinking etc.  In other words:  It's them, not me.

Maybe your grandma smells and she knows it?

I would take encouragement from the fact that no-one else has told you that you smell bad. And from the lovely compliment your sister gave you when she gave you the perfume.  You probably don't smell as bad (if at all) as you think you might.  And you are doing all you know to do to fix an issue that may not exist.

Have you spoken to a doctor about it?  They could confirm whether or not your odour is strong/normal.  And if it is out of the ordinary, they would surely be able to give you some pointers apart from what you are already doing.  Maybe they could run some tests.

I wonder too, if there is a particular food that you consume that might be resulting in a stronger smell (if it exists).  I find that when I eat tuna or fresh garlic that I'm a little smellier than usual.  But it doesn't usually last, thankfully.

I hope this helps.  And I wish you all the best for this difficulty as well as everything else you are currently struggling with.

AOD

Thank you for this reply. I relate so much to this. I have like a bunch of perfumes, hand creams, hair products, and everything. I cut out foods that might make me smell bad as well.

I went to the doctor actually, he said I am just fine. I just sweat easily. It is genetics. My dad's side of the family is the same way as well.

I will just do what I can I suppose. But, wow! I relate so much to your story. I thank you for sharing it. I read over 5 times trying pick up everything you said. When you were talking about me doing everything I can hit me. I truly am. No one has to be rude. My mind gets kinda jumbled with older women because if my mom issues. She wasn't being helpful, she was being hurtful... I need therapy lol. I will get it when I have the chance.

I am sorry you had to go through what you did. I am always trying to hoard peppermints too.

To continue, it wasn't fair what you went through. I wish the best for you and your healing.

P.s. Thanks for liking my username. My nickname is 'bean' actually 

[littlelimabean]

A really quick response would be (since you didn't have to stay there) - 'well, so do you.'

[NarcKiddo]

My mother was very shaming about my weight growing up and it led to a lifetime of yo yo dieting and obesity. The difference with that is that you can see in the mirror what you look like (in the absence of dysmorphia) so it is easier to take an objective view. Whether or not you objectively smell can be hard to determine, because you live with your own smell the whole time, good or bad. That's why people can cover themselves with a cloud of perfume so strong everyone in a mile radius passes out while they waft by, oblivious.

If your doctor has said you are fine, then take that as your answer. Please don't go over the top with showers, washing, using products that may damage your skin with over-use. That is a recipe to encourage your body to produce more sweat or sebum. If you sweat excessively (especially in certain areas of your body) then there are treatments you can have to reduce this. Your doctor would know. I believe botox is one such - but you need to go to someone medical for advice. I agree with the advice to monitor foods because some smells do seem to come out with sweat. Garlic or curry, for me. Another thing that can change your body smell is hormonal fluctuations. If you are on any hormonal medications then you could try switching in case this helps. One thing I have noticed, though, because I exercise a lot, is that certain of my clothes really keep the sweat smell. Even though I wash my workout clothing after every single wear and it smells fresh when I put it on, as soon as I start sweating it seems to activate old armpit sweat in certain fabrics and I find myself smelling such that even I can notice it. The way I dealt with this was to throw out the offending clothes and then washing every single new item of gym gear in a detergent specially designed to remove sweat smells from workout clothing. I am therefore wondering if some of your clothing may be similar, hence why your Nana said what she did.

[square]

People who smell bad are the ones who literally don't wash, don't change their clothes, etc. You can tell what the issue is because their hair is visibly greasy, and their clothes are visibly dirty. You are not one of this group.

I feel confident in telling you, without the benefit of a sniff, that you are FINE. One shower daily is enough. It is not humanly possible that you are taking multiple showers, changing clothes, using products throughout the day, with your doctor telling you that you're fine, and you still smell bad.

It's certainly possible that you sweat more than most people. It happens. My husband sweats from his head easily and he finds it annoying. Sweat doesn't have anodor but it can release the odor of bacteria on skin or fabric (I avoid certain fabrics for that reason).

Normal people have some odor. That's normal and does not fall into the category of people who smell noticeably bad.

I can confidently say the problem lies with your Nana. She is purposefully weaponizing the issue against you, a disordered behavior. She knows it's a bulls-eye for you. She likes that. And that's not normal.

Normal people sweat, and some normal odor comes with that. Horrible odors are caused by medical problems (ruled out in your case) or severe neglect of hygiene (also quite ruled out in your case). You're FINE.

Sweaty people get married all the time. Sweaty people fall in love. Sometimes while sweating. You are normal, even if you sweat a lot. The idea that you are unlovable due to a normal body function is bizarre, and I don't even buy that your Nana really truly believes it. She wants to hurt you because she is bizarre. You are normal.

[Cat of the Canals]

I feel confident in telling you, without the benefit of a sniff, that you are FINE. One shower daily is enough. It is not humanly possible that you are taking multiple showers, changing clothes, using products throughout the day, with your doctor telling you that you're fine, and you still smell bad.

This.

And the thing is, even if you DID smell bad, that doesn't make you a bad person or unworthy of love. I went to school with a girl who had a medical condition that made her smell bad no matter what she did. To be blunt, she stank. But she was also wonderfully kind, funny, and talented. So she did the same thing everyone else did, despite her stinkiness: she dated. She got married. She now has a husband and two beautiful children.

Speaking to the bigger picture of "reversing damaging words," I highly recommend reading "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" by Pete Walker. I think this fixation with smell is probably coming from your "Inner Critic." The thing is, the Inner Critic's words usually don't come from you, even though it seems like they do. It's a replaying of all the horrible criticism you've heard from other people (especially our PD parents).

[looloo]

Thought: perhaps your Nana is trying to sabotage your finding someone and getting married, because then you won't be as available to her?  She's pairing up your self consciousness about sweating with your desire to meet and marry someone in order to keep you right where you are, right where she wants you. 

[lkdrymom]

When my husband's stomach issues flare up his breath is deadly.  But you know what, I still love him, I still kiss him.  Do what you can to deal with your issue but if someone loves you they will over look it.

[moglow]

You reverse the damage by stepping outside it whenever and however you can - perhaps consult with professionals [which you have] or ask someone you can actually trust. Clearly your family are not those people for you. What I see is you choosing to be vulnerable with and trust her, and she took advantage. Used those very things as weapons against you, as no doubt has happened in the past. What you've learned here isn't that you supposedly smell, but that you can't trust her any more than you can your mother. Not with your tender inner self, no.

Prior to your move you wrote:

...but she reminds me of my mother so much. It isn't her fault at all. She says the same phrases and she always tells me that I am so similar to my mom. I hate it when she says it. It makes me hurt.

So on one level you saw it yet felt -as we do so often- that you should somehow apologize and minimize her treatment of you. However sick she may be, this isn't a new thing for her, it's simply you facing it for what it is and choosing to leave it. There are people who gain a sick sense of power over others by pushing them down, making them feel small. My mother is another - there's no encouragement to be found with her. Any softness she shows only seems to mask the next attack so I have learned to not take it in.

Years ago during a relatively decent time between us, mother made one of her laughing comments that I'm weird, I don't even remember what brought it on now other than expressing a different opinion on some mundane subject. My response was a deep breath then telling her how it hurt me when she refers to me as weird, makes me feel as if I'm lacking and less than, and never seem to measure up with her. Mother went volcanic and it went on until she hung up on me. I called her back and tried to talk her down, she made more withering comments, hung up again. There were several more repeats until I gave up. Then she started calling me at work, leaving blistering voicemails when I didn't answer. It was bad, really bad. She enlisted her siblings and mine, claiming I'd attacked her [on the phone, really? By telling her I was hurt by the way she talks to me??]

Eventually mother ran out of steam and I just avoided the whole lot of them for a while, but the damage was done. I'd spoken up for myself and that wasn't allowed. In the meantime I'd contacted our employee assistance program who matched me with a therapist. She's the one who first told me that mother "sounds like a borderline personality," and promptly assigned reading material from her library. Within the month I'd found Out of the FOG's predecessor online and started to grasp I wasn't as alone as I'd believed.

What I didn't and won't ever do is tell her what I've learned, I've never apologized for telling her how I feel or what I think. That isn't about her, it's for me and my healing, my survival. I'm still working on true acceptance that's who mother's chosen to be and have long since stopped making excuses for her.

Behavior is a choice, LLB. Mine, yours, theirs - we all choose how we treat other people. When someone deliberately sets out to hurt you, pay attention. They're showing you who they are. You don't have to be that way and certainly should reconsider if you want to return with more of the same, but you don't have to roll over and just put up with it either.

[littlelimabean]

My mother was very shaming about my weight growing up and it led to a lifetime of yo yo dieting and obesity. The difference with that is that you can see in the mirror what you look like (in the absence of dysmorphia) so it is easier to take an objective view. Whether or not you objectively smell can be hard to determine, because you live with your own smell the whole time, good or bad. That's why people can cover themselves with a cloud of perfume so strong everyone in a mile radius passes out while they waft by, oblivious.

If your doctor has said you are fine, then take that as your answer. Please don't go over the top with showers, washing, using products that may damage your skin with over-use. That is a recipe to encourage your body to produce more sweat or sebum. If you sweat excessively (especially in certain areas of your body) then there are treatments you can have to reduce this. Your doctor would know. I believe botox is one such - but you need to go to someone medical for advice. I agree with the advice to monitor foods because some smells do seem to come out with sweat. Garlic or curry, for me. Another thing that can change your body smell is hormonal fluctuations. If you are on any hormonal medications then you could try switching in case this helps. One thing I have noticed, though, because I exercise a lot, is that certain of my clothes really keep the sweat smell. Even though I wash my workout clothing after every single wear and it smells fresh when I put it on, as soon as I start sweating it seems to activate old armpit sweat in certain fabrics and I find myself smelling such that even I can notice it. The way I dealt with this was to throw out the offending clothes and then washing every single new item of gym gear in a detergent specially designed to remove sweat smells from workout clothing. I am therefore wondering if some of your clothing may be similar, hence why your Nana said what she did.

I will go with what my doctor said and also what people are also saying. I have always lived with others, and there are times where I know I need to freshen up (after workouts, being in super hot weather, etc.).

I think that's normal? I think I am normal. I sweat more than others, but it isn't buckets.

Also, I didn't know that fact about over washing. I can tone it down for real, especially if it makes things worse.

I am sorry about what you went through. Thank you for sharing. I am taking this advice for real.

[littlelimabean]

People who smell bad are the ones who literally don't wash, don't change their clothes, etc. You can tell what the issue is because their hair is visibly greasy, and their clothes are visibly dirty. You are not one of this group.

I feel confident in telling you, without the benefit of a sniff, that you are FINE. One shower daily is enough. It is not humanly possible that you are taking multiple showers, changing clothes, using products throughout the day, with your doctor telling you that you're fine, and you still smell bad.

It's certainly possible that you sweat more than most people. It happens. My husband sweats from his head easily and he finds it annoying. Sweat doesn't have anodor but it can release the odor of bacteria on skin or fabric (I avoid certain fabrics for that reason).

Normal people have some odor. That's normal and does not fall into the category of people who smell noticeably bad.

I can confidently say the problem lies with your Nana. She is purposefully weaponizing the issue against you, a disordered behavior. She knows it's a bulls-eye for you. She likes that. And that's not normal.

Normal people sweat, and some normal odor comes with that. Horrible odors are caused by medical problems (ruled out in your case) or severe neglect of hygiene (also quite ruled out in your case). You're FINE.

Sweaty people get married all the time. Sweaty people fall in love. Sometimes while sweating. You are normal, even if you sweat a lot. The idea that you are unlovable due to a normal body function is bizarre, and I don't even buy that your Nana really truly believes it. She wants to hurt you because she is bizarre. You are normal.

Thank you so much for this reply. I read it several times. I sometimes forget that humans have normal sweating and normal odors sometimes. Sometimes I think people are walking around in a febreeze comericial all the time lmao.

Thank you for the reassurance as well. I really want to get married lol. So, her words bypassed my usual mechanisms and went straight for my soul.

[littlelimabean]

I feel confident in telling you, without the benefit of a sniff, that you are FINE. One shower daily is enough. It is not humanly possible that you are taking multiple showers, changing clothes, using products throughout the day, with your doctor telling you that you're fine, and you still smell bad.

This.

And the thing is, even if you DID smell bad, that doesn't make you a bad person or unworthy of love. I went to school with a girl who had a medical condition that made her smell bad no matter what she did. To be blunt, she stank. But she was also wonderfully kind, funny, and talented. So she did the same thing everyone else did, despite her stinkiness: she dated. She got married. She now has a husband and two beautiful children.

Speaking to the bigger picture of "reversing damaging words," I highly recommend reading "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" by Pete Walker. I think this fixation with smell is probably coming from your "Inner Critic." The thing is, the Inner Critic's words usually don't come from you, even though it seems like they do. It's a replaying of all the horrible criticism you've heard from other people (especially our PD parents).

I will read the book! I looked it up and I need it.

Also, that story you shared was so touching. I am so happy for her! I wish the best for her.

Guys I am so grateful for this. I was crying so much when I wrote this post. Now, I feel a little bit more sane. I still need to read that book though, badly.

[littlelimabean]

Thought: perhaps your Nana is trying to sabotage your finding someone and getting married, because then you won't be as available to her?  She's pairing up your self consciousness about sweating with your desire to meet and marry someone in order to keep you right where you are, right where she wants you.

To be honest, she would try to keep me home all the time. She didn't want me to go out because she said she was afraid of Covid. However, she qaa always trying to go to the movies.

I love to go to service every week and she said I couldn't go. She was listening to my calls and would question me after I would text her.

She would always say don't tell anyone anything too. So, I wouldn't be surprised if this was a tactic....

I need a book and some therapy no joke lol.

[littlelimabean]

When my husband's stomach issues flare up his breath is deadly.  But you know what, I still love him, I still kiss him.  Do what you can to deal with your issue but if someone loves you they will over look it.

Thank you for this really. I really appreciate this. I am going to try my best and leave the rest.

[littlelimabean]

You reverse the damage by stepping outside it whenever and however you can - perhaps consult with professionals [which you have] or ask someone you can actually trust. Clearly your family are not those people for you. What I see is you choosing to be vulnerable with and trust her, and she took advantage. Used those very things as weapons against you, as no doubt has happened in the past. What you've learned here isn't that you supposedly smell, but that you can't trust her any more than you can your mother. Not with your tender inner self, no.

Prior to your move you wrote:

...but she reminds me of my mother so much. It isn't her fault at all. She says the same phrases and she always tells me that I am so similar to my mom. I hate it when she says it. It makes me hurt.

So on one level you saw it yet felt -as we do so often- that you should somehow apologize and minimize her treatment of you. However sick she may be, this isn't a new thing for her, it's simply you facing it for what it is and choosing to leave it. There are people who gain a sick sense of power over others by pushing them down, making them feel small. My mother is another - there's no encouragement to be found with her. Any softness she shows only seems to mask the next attack so I have learned to not take it in.

Years ago during a relatively decent time between us, mother made one of her laughing comments that I'm weird, I don't even remember what brought it on now other than expressing a different opinion on some mundane subject. My response was a deep breath then telling her how it hurt me when she refers to me as weird, makes me feel as if I'm lacking and less than, and never seem to measure up with her. Mother went volcanic and it went on until she hung up on me. I called her back and tried to talk her down, she made more withering comments, hung up again. There were several more repeats until I gave up. Then she started calling me at work, leaving blistering voicemails when I didn't answer. It was bad, really bad. She enlisted her siblings and mine, claiming I'd attacked her [on the phone, really? By telling her I was hurt by the way she talks to me??]

Eventually mother ran out of steam and I just avoided the whole lot of them for a while, but the damage was done. I'd spoken up for myself and that wasn't allowed. In the meantime I'd contacted our employee assistance program who matched me with a therapist. She's the one who first told me that mother "sounds like a borderline personality," and promptly assigned reading material from her library. Within the month I'd found Out of the FOG's predecessor online and started to grasp I wasn't as alone as I'd believed.

What I didn't and won't ever do is tell her what I've learned, I've never apologized for telling her how I feel or what I think. That isn't about her, it's for me and my healing, my survival. I'm still working on true acceptance that's who mother's chosen to be and have long since stopped making excuses for her.

Behavior is a choice, LLB. Mine, yours, theirs - we all choose how we treat other people. When someone deliberately sets out to hurt you, pay attention. They're showing you who they are. You don't have to be that way and certainly should reconsider if you want to return with more of the same, but you don't have to roll over and just put up with it either.

Thank you for sharing this first of all. I see signs all the time in people and I often do put up with it. Sometimes I don't feel like I have a choice other to accept it and bear down through it.

Even my mother said once that I don't have to bear through pain all the time. It is a habit for me to do it. I usually can easily adjust to any situation no matter how bad it gets. I am going to start speaking up for myself, because I can't be getting hurt like this anymore.

My Nana is still trying to talk to me, but I decided to block her. I really don't want anything to do with her anymore. I can't take it, and I won't. I don't even want her contact.

I will do what is best for me. I want to transfer from my jc in 1 year instead of two so I can get housing. I don't mind paying extra for a single room.

What you described happening to you is awful. I am sorry you had to go through that.

[Associate of Daniel]

NarcKiddo reminded me of something.

Before I met my now UNPD exH I used to wear perfume.  I think it was a gift from someone and I liked it so I kept buying it.  It was an inexpensive one, otherwise I wouldn't have continued to purchase it.

My UNPD exH said he didn't like it so he took me shopping.  All of the perfumes he wanted me to try were so overpowering. Most of them were pleasant scents but I'm sorry. I'd like to be able to smell a rose or just the fresh air from time to time. Not just me. (Or not me, really.)

And they were ridiculously expensive. $80+ on the tiniest bottle. $80 was a lot of money in those days for an unnecessary item.  I couldn't justify the cost, since I was at that stage a full time student and UNPD exH was on an apprentice wage.

So I stopped wearing perfume.  It's been over 22 years!

In one case in my life someone else's overpowering perfume has been handy.

One of the teachers at my secondary school used to wear a particularly strong perfume.  This teacher was notoriously difficult and had taken a disliking to me.

It was very handy  to come across her scent in the corridors.  You knew she was somewhere near even if you couldn't see her.

We'd often change routes or hang back/hide until we thought it might be "safe" to venture out.

I laugh about it now.  Actually, maybe we should buy some overpowering perfume for our pds as a form of our own self protection! 

While I'm at it, I should probably buy some for myself - of a more subtle scent.

AOD