LC push back

[p123]

Well after this xmas I decided enough was enough so been actively reducing contact....

And WOW - seen some of the stories on here from others but never seen anything like it. If he put 1% of the effort into doing things himself as he has trying to reel me back in then we'd all be fine!

And, really not sure how he thinks being nasty to me is going to get me change back? I just don't get it. He just does not seem to understand that him DEMANDING places me under no obligation and I've told him this. I've also told him that if he continues then I'll just drop out altogether.

To be honest, xmas aint been great for me. My teenage son is a big worry at the moment - see other thread - and I can do without a petulant father on the scene. Do you all get like this? I just feel I dont have the energy any more.....

[Sneezy]

Hang in there, p123.  It sounds like you are officially part of the "sandwich generation."  You are sandwiched in the middle between an aging parent who needs help and kids who need your attention.  It's a tough place to be.  First and foremost, make sure you take care of yourself.  Even if it feels like you're being selfish, you're not.  You need to look after your mental and physical health or you won't be able to help anyone else.  Next, and you know this, your wife and kids come first.  I haven't seen your other post, but I've gone through the teenage years and  believe me, teenagers can take your worries to an astronomical level.  Focusing on your kids is more important than focusing on your dad, and he should know this (but of course, he doesn't).

Your dad is not going to do anything for himself if he can manipulate you into doing it.  It's hard on you, but taking a step back and lessening contact is probably a good thing for you to do.  Your dad will continue to complain and be nasty and you will not change him.  But you are changing your attitude and stepping back.  Keep it up and I hope things work out with your son.

[p123]

Hang in there, p123.  It sounds like you are officially part of the "sandwich generation."  You are sandwiched in the middle between an aging parent who needs help and kids who need your attention.  It's a tough place to be.  First and foremost, make sure you take care of yourself.  Even if it feels like you're being selfish, you're not.  You need to look after your mental and physical health or you won't be able to help anyone else.  Next, and you know this, your wife and kids come first.  I haven't seen your other post, but I've gone through the teenage years and  believe me, teenagers can take your worries to an astronomical level.  Focusing on your kids is more important than focusing on your dad, and he should know this (but of course, he doesn't).

Your dad is not going to do anything for himself if he can manipulate you into doing it.  It's hard on you, but taking a step back and lessening contact is probably a good thing for you to do.  Your dad will continue to complain and be nasty and you will not change him.  But you are changing your attitude and stepping back.  Keep it up and I hope things work out with your son.

Yeh its so hard.... Sure Dad thinks I sit around all day doing nothing.....

Hes just so selfish expects me to run around for him.

[Sneezy]

Sure Dad thinks I sit around all day doing nothing.....

I can guarantee that is exactly what he thinks.  You work from home, right?  As far as your dad is concerned, you are just getting paid to sit around and watch TV and wait for him to call and demand something from you.

I also work from home and my mom thinks I'm just sitting here available all day in case she gets bored.  When I tell her that I have to work, she will ask in a very scornful voice "but what exactly do you do all day?"  And when I try to explain some of my work to her, her eyes glaze over and she doesn't really hear me.  Working from home doesn't count as work in her eyes.

I've given up trying to explain it to her.  And I have come to the conclusion that we don't owe anyone an explanation for what we do all day.  I work, that's it.  No other details required.  I don't have to answer to mom or anyone else regarding what exactly I'm doing and when I'm doing it (except of course the clients who pay me - I guess they get an explanation  ).

[p123]

Sure Dad thinks I sit around all day doing nothing.....

I can guarantee that is exactly what he thinks.  You work from home, right?  As far as your dad is concerned, you are just getting paid to sit around and watch TV and wait for him to call and demand something from you.

I also work from home and my mom thinks I'm just sitting here available all day in case she gets bored.  When I tell her that I have to work, she will ask in a very scornful voice "but what exactly do you do all day?"  And when I try to explain some of my work to her, her eyes glaze over and she doesn't really hear me.  Working from home doesn't count as work in her eyes.

I've given up trying to explain it to her.  And I have come to the conclusion that we don't owe anyone an explanation for what we do all day.  I work, that's it.  No other details required.  I don't have to answer to mom or anyone else regarding what exactly I'm doing and when I'm doing it (except of course the clients who pay me - I guess they get an explanation  ).

Oh Jeez give me strength I get it all the time. Brother is a "welder" so thats a real job I just sit at home all day. Dad worked in a factory for 40 years.

Hes awful. Keeps asking stupid questions about what I do - things like "so is your boss happy with you working at home?" "does he check your work?" "Well you need to get someone to check to make sure you're doing ok".

OK I'm not important in work but I am an IT consultant, people pay me for my knowledge. In all honesty, my "boss" has no idea technically what I do. I try to explain to Dad but hes so small minded.

I once said to him "Do you think a doctor in the hospital goes to find the hospital manager every day to ask him?" "Well no but you're not a doctor" Cheers Dad thanks for the vote of confidence in my career choice.

[nanotech]

Sure Dad thinks I sit around all day doing nothing.....

I can guarantee that is exactly what he thinks.  You work from home, right?  As far as your dad is concerned, you are just getting paid to sit around and watch TV and wait for him to call and demand something from you.

I also work from home and my mom thinks I'm just sitting here available all day in case she gets bored.  When I tell her that I have to work, she will ask in a very scornful voice "but what exactly do you do all day?"  And when I try to explain some of my work to her, her eyes glaze over and she doesn't really hear me.  Working from home doesn't count as work in her eyes.

I've given up trying to explain it to her.  And I have come to the conclusion that we don't owe anyone an explanation for what we do all day.  I work, that's it.  No other details required.  I don't have to answer to mom or anyone else regarding what exactly I'm doing and when I'm doing it (except of course the clients who pay me - I guess they get an explanation  ).

Oh Jeez give me strength I get it all the time. Brother is a "welder" so thats a real job I just sit at home all day. Dad worked in a factory for 40 years.

Hes awful. Keeps asking stupid questions about what I do - things like "so is your boss happy with you working at home?" "does he check your work?" "Well you need to get someone to check to make sure you're doing ok".

OK I'm not important in work but I am an IT consultant, people pay me for my knowledge. In all honesty, my "boss" has no idea technically what I do. I try to explain to Dad but hes so small minded.

I once said to him "Do you think a doctor in the hospital goes to find the hospital manager every day to ask him?" "Well no but you're not a doctor" Cheers Dad thanks for the vote of confidence in my career choice.

My elderly UNPDdad is like this, about my adult children, all of whom work from home at least part of the time. I honestly think it stems from a male chauvinist perspective of divided roles.
They couldn't imagine themselves doing it in their day.
They were the generation that literally went out to work, and brought home the bacon.

My dads's lifestyle was completely different from my mum's. He had nice meals out with clients in good restaurants, paid on expenses, while mum had a cheese buttie at home and saw to her four children.  My dad attended sales conferences  all over the UK and abroad, the abroad ones in exotic locations,
while at home, mum waited, without even a car to get her out of the house.
When dad and colleagues were away, the wives would  be sent flowers by dad's company  to 'keep them sweet'.

For many couples during the mid to late 20th century, life, or a variation of it, was like this. The main identifying feature was that home was made for women and for domestic child care only. Nothing work related ever occurred there, or was meant to!
It was as if there were two worlds. 
I think this is why your dad struggles! 
Unfamiliarity with the technology too, plays a huge part.
My dad goes on his ancient computer only to book in for golf or to look up restaurant websites! That's it. It's a very old model and he won't update it. He's petrified of being scammed, so he won't use online banking or anything where he has to put in details. He's quite happy for me to order things online for him though!  He can  easily afford a new computer, and  he would benefit from it. At present, he cannot open some family video clips I've sent him on email. All he has to do is update his computer, but no.
He also doesn't want to be in a position where he might have to learn to use new technology. Learning from someone else makes him feel inferior.
Dad never learned to swim. He hates that he can't and if it comes up he will over explain the reasons why it wasn't his fault that he never learned. I've offered to teach him. No. Dad always had to be at the top of the tree. There's no way he could get into a pool as a non swimmer, with swimmers around him!
Anyway, I digress!
Just to add, my dad is a bit obsessed with my kids' job titles as well. Then when I tell him he clearly doesn't understand them. It's another aspect of work that's gone through changes. They hate any kind of change, that's why your dad hangs onto, 'welder' !   He can relate to it.  They really REALLY struggle to relate to anything that wasn't or isn't within their own experience.  Keep going with the LC.

[NarcKiddo]

My parents are obsessed with job titles too. My parents made my sister pretend to their friends that she was doing a different job because the fact she was temping after having been made redundant was too shameful to reveal.