Mr opinionated!

[Juju]

My partner has a hugh problem with my sister in law, she has her faults and after a long vacation I took with her where we argued a lot our relationship has changed ...  we talk once or twice a week keep up on all the rest of the family, adult kids and whatever.  If I even mention her name my partner is just awful rants and raves about why are you telling her stuff, why do I get running to her, she's a world class bitch, on and on.  If I say anything I'm defending her and the rest of the family (my dead husbands family) what's the connection, 3 of them are complete losers 2 are OK in his opinion.  He is not the type of person you can tell anything risky to as in (someones past indiscretions or parenting failures) he is so judgemental, he says its just his opinion but I find it more than that.  What is it?? and Why does it bother me so much??

[1footouttadefog]

I am unclear about the dynamic here.  However you are bothered by your partners reactions.  Perhaps make your ok interaction with this relative less in his face.  Additionally the partner may have a reasonable expectation that any info regarding him not be discussed with the relative. 

I hope you can sort or adjust the relationships until they are at healthy places. 

As to why you feel negatively about his reaction and comments perhaps you feel he is controlling or manipulating you.  Or that he has an agenda he is not admitting. 

Trust your gut.

[moglow]

So - why does it bother you what he thinks? He's entitled to his opinion same as anyone else. Maybe it's his overly forceful pushy delivery? Maybe it's the incessant negativity in his comments? Does he know them - maybe he had less than positive interactions with them and is stuck there?

[Lookin 2 B Free]

Opinions can be delivered in many different ways.  Some people, including PDs obviously, don't seem to understand that there's a possibility their opinion isn't a fact.  PD FOO would put out opinions in the form of edicts -- This is how it is!!!! ... IOW, My take on things is the only correct one and anyone who believes differently is wrong!  No openness to hearing anything else, no curiosity of what loved ones think and why.  No respect for another person's intelligence or right to autonomous beliefs.  And there's a non verbal Case Closed!!! at the end.  Very irritating to me, and I avoid being around this. Thankfully I don't live with a PD anymore.  As much as possible, I choose relationships which demonstrate equality and reciprocity.  Or if I can't avoid it, I try not to engage.   I don't know if this is what you're referring to, Juju.  If so, it's a pet peeve of mine, too.

[Juju]

Looking 2 B Free
You totally verbalized my feelings exactly, my partner doesn't seem to be able to see anyones experience and life choices beyond his own.  To never budge from his position and opinions, he can just write people off. Although I've also found that he can be totally pigheaded and opinionated he is also a complete softy, it is a lot of verbal blabbering about people I think makes him somehow feel better about himself!