Family of origin…

[Breadroll]

Just found some great online resources from  Patrick Teahan - therapist -which seem worth exploring. Strengthening me in 23 is what's needed.
Perhaps like many here, I ended up with xnpdh because I had been well trained to tolerate poor behavior. My foo was very gendered, leaving teenage me
to look after a terminally Ill parent . I now look back in astonishment at thebreathtaking lack of support- and the pd nature of some family members.  I was bullied by sibling as a kid, which was tolerated or ignored - I nos see this as wildly unacceptable and unhealthy.

Decades on, some of these relationships survived- but the patterns remain.  I choose to be decent and still make considerable effort from time to time to accommodate younger family members when asked to.   No thankyous, or even  passing «  holiday greetings  » we're made, so I called. You know, it's just damn rude.  After about 5 minutes I asked whether younger family had enjoyed  special occasion - and finally, grudgingly, there was a yes, thankyou for taking care of young family member. Like pulling teeth.  Is it perverse to feel mildly satisfied?
The rest of the conversation was pleasant enough, but it's just sad, and a reminder that there are serious limitations at best.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[notrightinthehead]

I love Tehan's role plays. He is entertaining and informative at the same time.
I am glad you feel better after you squeezed a thank you from your ungrateful relative. In future, How would you feel if you considered to only do such things that you could do freely, that bring pleasure to yourself for doing them, and not expect anything from others for doing them? This might free you from having expectations which will be disappointed.

[Breadroll]

Thankyou nrith - and completely true- for the most part I have no problem with this- I give freely, with no expectations. I think you hit the nail on the head- I still had expectations, which is nuts!!

Younger member visitor was just great, and I will remember with great joy how much they appreciated it. Nice kid. Only good stuff there. A few happy memories and positives.

This was just a childhood hangover I guess- that sense of «  really?  Are you still that self absorbed and rude?  »  . My expectations are super low, and contact, unless I initiate it, is minimal and not especially deep. Long distance means years between physical meetings.  a few years ago, had a shared vacation. and made decision never ever to do that again 😳. 

This  visit of younger family member was unexpected but welcome- and of course, made efforts to make it good, because that's normal😁. Refreshing that younger family member is completely different.

My heightened state regarding unrelated  xnpdh issues didn't help- lowered my normal capacities.  When calm, I know to lower expectations, and then lower them again 😁