Blown away by how uncaring they can be

[Cascade]

My mother is in the hospital currently and my pdh has no interest in visiting her. He's probably only seen her a few times since my father passed away ten years ago, and she doesn't live far away. He's always gotten along with her so there's no tension between them. The only time he ever asks me how she is doing is when someone else asks him, so he has to ask me to answer them. He hasn't spoken to his own mother for nearly twenty years and doesn't care if he ever does again. Sometimes I'm just astonished by his lack of caring.

[SonofThunder]

Hi Cascade,

Sorry to read your mother is hospitalized and I wish her a full recovery.  Im also sorry you experience a lack of caring in your pdh.  You wrote:

"The only time he ever asks me how she is doing is when someone else asks him, so he has to ask me to answer them".   

Do you answer for him?  If yes, this is possibly a place you can find some power for yourself and easily let him self-expose his lack of caring to others.  When he asks you to respond to the other person, you can use the tool of boundaries and tell him, that you will respond only to others that ask you directly, but will not respond to indirect inquiries. 

Answering for him, allows him to remain in his hardened position and is in a way, 'caretaking' him to remain comfortable.  I cant make another person care, but I will not substitute for their lack of balanced awareness as a human being. 

SoT

[Cascade]

Thanks SonofThunder for your kind reply. I've never spoken to his boss directly, this all happens through text messages when he is at   work.

[SonofThunder]

Thanks SonofThunder for your kind reply. I've never spoken to his boss directly, this all happens through text messages when he is at   work.

Cascade, thank you for the clarity 😊

SoT